How do I condense everything about Isabella into one page? Seems almost impossible, but I want to scream from the rooftops how great of a little girl she was.  Isabella was a petite little thing when she was born weighing in at 6lbs 14oz.   When I took her home I was scared out of my mind.  I didn’t know how to be a mom, what if I did something wrong.  Little did I know how much I would fall in love with this tiny little human being that was once in my stomach.  She was my life.   One little look from her would melt my heart like nothing had before.  When I brought her home she was colic.  I spent many sleepless nights driving around in the middle of the night or just rocking her.  Eventually she was put on Alimentum, a formula for colic babies and she was a new baby!! No longer in pain from her belly hurting her she was the happiest baby I had ever met.

  The first time Isabella smiled it was on her Daddy’s birthday. What a great birthday present.  The older Isabella got, the sweeter she got.  Bella was a quick learner; she crawled early, sat up early, walked early, and talked pretty good for a 16 month old..

Below are some memories that I have of Isabella.  Each time I read them it makes me smile.  

I remember how she used to try to play patty-cake or itsy bitsy spider.  She would get so excited when I started to sing the song, and she would start doing the hand movements.

I remember how she used to help me unload the dishwasher, lol.. I would be loading the dishwasher with dirty dishes, and she would take them out one by one (thinking she was helping me unload the dishwasher) and say thank you each time she handed me something.

I remember how much she loved clothes, hats, and coats.  When I would go pick her up from daycare the first thing she would do is point the closet and say coat J

I remember watching Isabella try to “tie” her shoes.  She would grab the laces, roll then up in a ball, then clap because she was so proud of herself. 

I remember how she would smile even before she was awake when I would wake her up in the mornings.

I remember how much she liked to sit on my lap.  In the mornings, we would just sit together no TV, no toys. . Just us..

I remember how she used to say “hi” or “hello” when the phone would ring. 

I remember how much she used to love it when she was trying to crawl, and I would pull her backwards by her little feet.

I remember how much she loved strawberries, hotdogs, and green beans.

I remember how much she loved a bath, and when we took one together.

I remember how she would always take my pinky finger when walking somewhere.

I remember how happy she always was.

I remember the love.

I remember on her birthday she was so tired, didn’t have a nap, but didn’t fuss once. 

I remember the happiness I would get when I saw her.

I also remember the pain when she was gone.

I remember how much she loved this one toy on her exersaucer, a little smiley face; she would eat the antenna. 

I remember the first, and last kiss that she blew me on a Friday at daycare.

I remember how much she loved her popcorn popper, and how much I hated it ;)

I remember her pierced little ears. 

I remember her little ponytails.

I remember when she would find her coat, she would have me put it on her, then go stand by the door waiting to go “bye, bye”.

I remember how happy she made her daddy, and how much he loved her.

I hate that those are just memories, and that’s all that I have of her anymore.  I will never get new ones, and I hope and pray I don’t forget the old.  There are memories that I wish I didn’t have too. Memories of how the wake smelled; there were so many flowers that the smell was overpowering. To this day, I can’t stand fresh flowers. I’ll remember finding Bella for the rest of my life, and every time I replay it in my head I cry.  I remember the empty feeling after she died.  Wanted to just die myself, thinking how to possibly go on, when you have nothing to live for anymore. 

Isabella’s cause of death was ruled “Undetermined death due to Natural Causes”.  While searching online for parents that have had babies die over the age of One with out cause I came across SUDC or Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood.  Basically SUDC is SIDS after the age of One, and what Isabella passed away from.  I will still always think how can a happy healthy little baby be playing one minute and gone the next, but obviously it happens.  Why to us though.. 

 Do not remove anything from these pages.  Graphics by Amanda