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A parody of the Odyssey
Using the money he had earned flipping burgers and spitting on onion rings, he bought himself a boat and crew. He and his crew set of on a beautiful sunny day and for several days sailed the waves in beautiful weather. They took this as a good omen, but never could have been more wrong. They soon sailed into the Bermuda Triangle and were overtaken by a gigantic class-5 hurricane. The ship was tossed and flipped over the waves like a toy boat. They were at the mercy of the storm. Fortunately, the storm ended without killing anyone and they emerged from the storm alive. Johnny and his crew overcame their shock and pressed on.
As luck, or bad luck, would have it, Johnny and his crew soon found themselves coming upon an island. Alas, they did not know that this was the dreaded Island Of Savage Virgin Women Who Lure Men to Come Do It With Them But Really Kill Them. If Johnny had know this was the notorious Island Of Savage Virgin Women Who Lure Men to Come Do It With Them But Really Kill Them, he would have immediately turned away. Alas, Johnny didn?t know this was the Island Of Savage Virgin Women Who Lure Men to Come Do It With Them But Really Kill Them, so he approached it. As they rounded a cove, they suddenly saw scores of beautiful and naked young women (none of whom could have possibly been older than 20) who were singing a magical song for them all to come ashore. The crewmembers all immediately jumped overboard and waded ashore. Johnny instantly realized what was happening and what island this was. He started to shout for his men to come back, but they wouldn?t listen. The first man ashore came up to an attractive girl with her hands behind her back. As he was about to grab her, her smiling face suddenly flashed into a devious grin filled with glee! Almost instantly she had pulled her hands out to reveal a dagger and began stabbed the man over and over. Before any of the other crewmembers could react, all the savage female fiends had come upon them and Johnny watched in horror as his crew was slaughtered before his eyes. Johnny was quick to notice that several of the savage virgins were beginning to craw up onto his boat. He knew the crew was hopeless and threw the ship into full throttle. The boat surged forward, throwing most of the female savages off, and Johnny made it out to the open sea. The few girls that did make it aboard had no weapons, and realizing they could not kill Johnny, sat down and cried. Johnny knew that the Island of Gold, Silver, and Beautiful Women was not far from the Island Of Savage Virgin Women Who Lure Men to Come Do It With Them But Really Kill Them, so he decided to complete his quest. Ah, lucky Johnny! There was much love made on the final journey of his quest!
The next morning, Johnny awoke to the sight of an island that was shining in gold and silver. As he drew closer, he saw that many scantily clad women were running about, singing and laughing. Johnny had met the end of his quest! Ah, the Island of gold, Silver, and Beautiful Women! It was better then Lothlorien in Lord of the Rings, with better looking women. It was the closest to heaven on earth Johnny would ever get. Upon arriver, Johnny was greeted by many women who were singing in some Elvish type of language. They showed him to a room, as if they had expected him all along. He was very tired and weary (mostly from the previous night) and laid down knowing he would spend the rest of his life in paradise. Johnny spent the rest of his life on that island, and as far as we know, he is still living there and having lots of fun! here.