I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone."
Tommy Cooper.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope

Dog WatchGuest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

Bird vs Fly
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

There were 5 people lived in a house......Their name were: "Mad, Brain, Stupid, Nobody and
Anybody".......One day, Anybody killed Nobody......Brain was in the bathroom......Mad called the
police....He said to the police: "Anybody has killed Nobody"....Police: "Are you mad?"......Mad: "Yes,
I'm Mad"........Police: "Does your brain have problems?"....Mad: "No, Brain is in the
bathroom"......Police: "Are you stupid?".....Mad: "No, Stupid is reading this news".........The police
man hanged up..........