| Everything I was expected to do was already cast in stone at my birth, from the clothes I would wear to the toys I would play with. The type of subjects that I would study in school and the sports that I would play were already determined for me based upon my sex. How I behaved and whom I associated with would be structured as well. It was very simple: don't ever be a sissy, learn to behave like a man and pursue a career that was fit for a man. No variations will be allowed. Follow that and you will neatly fit into how society perceives you. All of that is expected just because you happen to be born with male genitalia. As a young boy I dearly loved doing what other little boys loved to do. With four older brothers there certainly was pressure to like sports and cars. I happily obliged my brothers because I didn't want to stand out. I can't help but think if I had been born a genetic girl I would have just grown up a tomboy. I don't remember exactly what age I started having an affinity for feminine things. I do know I was quite young, perhaps five or six. I was certainly confused by these strange obsessions. It didn't seem logical that someone as rough and tumble as I was could possibly be attracted to things like women's clothes and shoes. I was not effeminate and no one ever suspected what was going on inside of me was not typical for a boy. I never even played with dolls. I didn't want anyone to accuse me of being a sissy. The worst thing a little boy could ever be compared to was a girl. The kids who were labeled as sissies were picked on mercilessly. I learned from a very young age to do the things that made people think I was a typical boy. This would be my survival mode for many years. It would not be until I was in my early twenties that I would let anyone in on my secret. BACK NEXT |