| Where's The Pomp? I had put so much effort into getting myself into that operating room. There were years of preparation that went into this endeavour as well as the angst, hope, joy and heartache associated with the whole process. I can't help but think about how unceremonious the final moments were before I was administered the anesthetic. I'm sure to all the people present it was a rather routine day and set of circumstances, because they perform hundreds of SRS procedures there each year. But for me it was the highlight of my life. This surgery would finally put my mind and body into the same universe. I could not envision a more paramount event in my life. An immense amount of hopes and dreams would be dependent on the success of the SRS. Sure, I had been living as a woman for sometime before the surgery, vast change was not anticipated there. My greatest desire was to have a body that suited me, and that meant having a set of genitals that provided comfort instead of vexation. I often wondered how different and challenging it would be to find sexual pleasure once I had female genitalia. I knew the importance of being able to retain the sensation from my male genitalia. Even though I couldn't function sexually as a male anymore I still had wonderful sensation in those nerves. Considerable effort went into preserving my connection with that sexual pleasure. I wasn't concerned whether I could live without a penis and testicles. In the end I viewed them merely as a nuisance, although their sacrifice in order to form a more perfect set of female genitals and a vagina would be greatly appreciated. I visualized and hoped for spectacular results. I suppose my greatest concerns were centered around my ability to recuperate quickly and thoroughly, and the long term success of the surgery. I didn't now what to expect in regards to the pain. There was a broad cross-section of results from the many post-op women whom I had talked to and read about. It ranged from having little or no pain to excruciating pain. I knew my pain threshold was tenuous. To fall somewhere in the middle of the pain spectrum would appease me. I was counting on the proper pain medication to ensure that no element of the surgery would be intolerable. One of the big unkowns for me was that I had never been anesthesized. The aftereffects would present a new set of problems I did not expect. BRRRRR! I have absolutely no recollection of the the surgery itself, thankfully. I don't even remember having any dreams while I was out. The first thing I remember after I was moved to the recovery room was my tight grip on someone's arm as I started to regain consciousness. I couldn't open my eyes, but I did hear her telling me to breathe through my mouth. My nose was stuffed full of packing due to the rhinoplasty. My mouth and throat were totally parched. I felt like I must have walked though a desert during the surgery. It was very painful and I couldn't even swallow. I slipped back into the dark for a short period of time. The second time I came to I managed to open my eyes and look around the room. Oddly, I didn't see anyone else in the room. The clock read 4:15 pm which meant I was out for about four hours. I fell in and out of consciousness for the next 45 minutes. I don't remember much of that time except for the fact that my throat really ached. I was desparate for some water. After about an hour in the recovery room they wheeled me back to my room where my sisters were waiting. I was surprised at how energetic I felt as I was wheeled into the room. I thought for sure I could have gotten off the gurney and walked to my bed. My sisters looked relieved everything had gone well. As the nurses moved me onto my bed I began to shake uncontrollably. It was at that point I realized I was extremely cold. Back Next |