| You Are So Beautiful Friday morning Dr. M�nard arrived at the residence to remove the dressings sutured over our neo-vaginas. We were told to keep this dressing dry and it was stiff as a board. It was stitched rather securely in four places on the perimeter. After he attended to the other girls I was told to wet the dressing down in the bathtub. Dried blood poured from the gauze as I sprayed water over it. Once I dried everything off I proceeded back to my room for the unveiling. I don�t remember feeling very anxious as Lise helped Dr. M�nard remove the bandages. The two of them removed the packings underneath that separated all the parts of my new vulva. I�ll always remember the look on Lise�s face after she got a view of my new womanhood. Hers eyes lit up as she smiled and proclaimed, �She has a really nice one!�. I exhaled deeply and rested my head back upon the pillow. That was all the confirmation I needed, I didn�t even care to look. After I was all cleaned up I remember lying on the bed listening to Russell Watson sing �You Are So Beautiful� on my CD player. I always loved how Joe Cocker sang that song. This rendition by Watson still brought tears to my eyes. The nurse came in to show me some of the rudimentary post-op care. She commented on the nice appearance and the relative lack of swelling of my new vagina/vulva. I got my first view of my anatomy after she placed the mirror in my hand to show me where to apply the antibiotic ointment. I really didn�t know what to expect as I took my first peek. It was swollen, disfigured, black and blue, yellow, and yet for that moment it was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes upon. "You are so beautiful" aptly described how I felt about my new appearance. Oh, it was indeed homely, and yet that sight made my spirits soar. No longer having any male genitalia was a dream come true. Being genuinely happy about the outcome was a great relief. The emotional rollercoaster I was on very intense. I don�t believe anyone who goes through SRS can anticipate the plethora of feelings that cascade upon you once the deed is done. I was very fortunate to have a wealth of support and love going into the surgery. I remember aching to feel the warmth of the people who had traveled this road with me. I lied in bed that night thinking about my mother, desparately wishing that I could be in her company. I wept as I felt her strong presence in the room with me. I longed to see her sweet smile and feel the warmth of her soft hands. I strained to see her somewhere in the dimly lit room. Tears ran down my cheeks freely, I was distressed by the isolation of my circumstances. I closed my eyes and through all the tears I remarkably saw my mother there, vibrant and loving in my minds eye. Standing next to her were my sisters and the other women of my family. All of them were beaming and empathetic. I was not as alone in that room as I thought I had been. I was filled with such a complete feeling of love that was emanating from the women of my family. I suppose it didn�t come as a surprise to me that I couldn�t see any of the men of my family in my vision. I had always ached to be accepted into the womanhood of my family and that night I truly felt welcomed by all the women in my life that I loved and admired. <<BACK<< >>NEXT>> |