These
are parts of episodes from 'The West Wing' that involve Josh and Donna interaction.
*Please
do not copy and paste these without permission...it takes time to transcribe
them...especially with all that bantering! ;-) Just ask and ye shall receive.
Thanks!*
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(In the dark, communications bullpen)
DONNA: Hello
(J&D start walking towards the operations bullpen)
JOSH: How you doing?
DONNA: I'm doing fine
JOSH: Did you get the flowers
DONNA: Yes, I did
JOSH: Did you like them?
DONNA: They were very pretty
JOSH: Do you know why I sent them?
DONNA: I know why you think you sent them
JOSH: It's our anniversary.
DONNA: No, it's not.
JOSH: I'm the sorta guy who remembers those kinds of things.
DONNA: No, you're the sorta guy who sends a woman flowers to be mean…You're really the only person I know who can do that.
JOSH: I'm quite something.
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: I sent them to mark an occasion.
DONNA: Are we really going to do this every year?
JOSH: For I am a man of occasion.
DONNA: I started working for you in February. This is April, and you're an idiot.
(They're at Donna's desk. She's organizing some papers)
JOSH: Well, you started working for me once in February and then you stopped for awhile…
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: Then you started working for me again in April. That's the one I choose to celebrate 'cause it's the only one where you started working for me and it wasn't followed by your not working but rather going back to your boyfriend. And how, in comparison to that and him you can call me "mean" is simply another in a long series of examples that…
DONNA: Oh, shut up! Honest to God, do you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?
(They walk over to another desk)
JOSH: No! No, no, no.
(Josh turns to go back to the Roosevelt Room)
DONNA: Well, where are you going now?
JOSH: Sam and I are going to punch up the thing for tomorrow. Hey, we need funny people.
DONNA: Yeah? (Donna looks hopeful)
JOSH: You know any? (Josh smirks)
(Donna gives him a look)
JOSH: See, right there was a joke. It's the oldest joke in the book.
DONNA: I'll say.
JOSH: You know what, Ado Annie? I sent you flowers! I think what you're trying to say is, "Why, thank you, Josh, they're beautiful. How very thoughtful of you. Not many bosses would've been that thoughtful."
DONNA: Really? 'Cause what I think I was trying to say was, "Shove it."
JOSH: OK, well, then I guessed wrong.
DONNA: (Donna sighs) You want help with the thing? (She hands him something to sign)
JOSH: (He signs) Yes, I do because you are such an hysterically funny person. (He's about to give her the folder but he pulls it back) Did you notice how I used "an" there properly? (He's smirking)
(Donna smiles) Yes, I did.
JOSH: (Josh is smiling) You crack me up.
DONNA: You know, there are times…(she grabs the folder)
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: When, to put it quite simply, I hate your breathing guts. (She turns to walk away)
JOSH: So, the flowers really did the trick, huh? (he looks after her)
DONNA: Oh, yeah.
--------------
(Later in the Roosevelt Room - they're going over the speech to make it funnier)
Ainsley: Donna, who gave you those beautiful flowers on your desk?
JOSH: I did. Me. Those are from me.
Ainsley: What's the occasion?
DONNA: Nothing
JOSH: Our anniversary
DONNA: Our not anniversary
JOSH: Donna doesn't like to talk about it.
DONNA: I really don't.
Ainsley: Okay.
Sam: A few years ago, Donna's boyfriend broke up with her, so she started working for Josh. (Josh sighs, looks away, running his fingers through his hair) But then the boyfriend told her to come back, and she did and then they broke up, and she came back to work. (Donna gives Sam an exasperated look) I thought you meant you didn't want to talk about it. (Donna raises her hand as if to say, duh, I didn't want it talked about at all) I'm a spokesman, it's in my blood.
Ainsley: Well, they're nice flowers.
--------------
(Josh is getting frustrated with the bad jokes and yells the last one)
DONNA: Josh…
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: When you yell, you make it harder for people to find the funny.
JOSH: Hey. Who gave you those flowers on your desk?
DONNA: A mean man who can't read a calendar.
--------------
(Donna just made fun of Sam)
Sam: Ainsley, you know why I got you flowers in April instead of February? 'Cause you ditched me the first time around, to go back to the guy who ditched you the first time around, only to have him ditch you the second time around.
(Donna slaps Josh in the back of the head)
JOSH: Ow! What the hell? That was him. (He points at Sam)
DONNA: He was being you!
-------------
(Josh goes to find an old speech so he's out of the room)
DONNA: Do you have any idea how much grief I took from him when I came back?
Sam: How much?
DONNA: None. I walked in the door he said, "Thank God. There's a pile of stuff on the desk." This is his way. He's just going to snark me every April. The prince of passive-aggressive behavior.
Sam: What does snark me?
DONNA: I don't know, but he's doing it.
------------
(Donna walks towards Josh's office to find him)
DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: Oh. (books fall on top of him) Well, that was predictable.
DONNA: Yes. (She walks in)
JOSH: I'm trying to find that speech that Sam said
DONNA: You know, we keep them on computer.
JOSH: Well, yeah, sure, I suppose…
DONNA: Except you don't know how to use the computer.
JOSH: Right.
DONNA: Oh, Josh, Josh, Josh.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: Joshua, Josh, Josh.
JOSH: What the hell is happening now?
DONNA: You feel, I believe, because you're quite addleminded, that this job was my second choice
JOSH: Hey I'm just grateful we were your last choice.
DONNA: I'm going to give you a little gift right now, which you don't deserve.
JOSH: Donna, if you've got your old Catholic school uniform on under there, don't get me wrong, I applaud the thought, but--
DONNA: Okay, what I need is for you to stop being like…you, for a second.
JOSH: Okay.
DONNA: When I came back you remember I had a bandage on my ankle?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: I told you I slipped on the ice on the front walk?
JOSH: Yeah, you know why? 'Cause you didn't put on the kitty litter.
DONNA: I was actually in a car accident.
JOSH: You were in a car accident? (Josh looks genuinely surprised)
DONNA: It was…
JOSH: Seriously, you were in an accident?
DONNA: It was no big deal.
JOSH: You told me it was a late thaw.
DONNA: Yes…I did. Anyway, they took me to the hospital and I called him, and he came down to get me. And on the way…he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer.
JOSH: He stopped on the way to the hospital for a beer?
DONNA: Yes. And so I left him. Which was the point of my telling you this. I left him. So stop remembering that. What I remember is that you took me back when you had absolutely no reason to trust me again and you didn't make fun of me or him and you had every reason to.
JOSH: Donna…
DONNA: You're going to make fun of him now, aren't you?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: 'Cause that's why I didn't tell you in the first place.
JOSH: I'm not going to make fun of him.
DONNA: Good.
JOSH: But just what kind of dumpkiss were you…
DONNA: He was supposed to meet some of his friends. He stopped on the way to tell them that he couldn't.
JOSH: And had a beer?
DONNA: Does this make you feel superior? Yes, you are better than my old boyfriend.
JOSH: (He gets up) I'm, I'm just saying if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer.
DONNA:
(She stands) If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights. (She
walks past him) Thanks for taking me back. (As she's walking down the hall,
his eyes follow her) Oh, and the flowers are beautiful.
In the bullpen, Donna is watching a computer screen.
DONNA: Josh! What the hell kind of name is Pixelad? JOSH!
JOSH: I'm done?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Efficiency, Donna.
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Efficiency and professionalism, and we're out of here at nine o'clock on a Wednesday night.
DONNA: Doesn't hurt the President's in Tokyo.
JOSH: Yeah, well, there does seem to be a little less work to do when he's in a different hemisphere, but nonetheless...
DONNA: Efficiency and professionalism.
JOSH: With a healthly dollop of leadership skills. The well-placed, well-worded memo. Nobody goes off the reservation, everybody does their job. Turn off your computer. Let's go.
DONNA: No, I'm going to stay and watch this. I think maybe you should too.
JOSH: What is it?
DONNA: The Surgeon General's doing an online chat.
JOSH: What's she talking about?
DONNA: Decriminalizing marijuana.
JOSH: See you tomorrow. (Josh is about to leave when he realizes what Donna has just said and he turns around.) What's she talking about?
DONNA: "Do you favor the decriminalization of marijuana?"
JOSH: "That's not for me to say. I can tell you that marijuana poses no greater public health risk than nicotine or alcohol..."
DONNA: "...and doesn't share the same addictive properties of heroin and LSD."
JOSH: "Yet, bizarrely, to many of us in the health care profession, the law categorizes it as a Schedule I narcotic while putting a government seal on a pack of cigarettes."
DONNA: Yeah, somebody didn't get your memo.
---
In the bullpen, walk and talk.
DONNA: Josh, is there anything to suggest that there are a significant number of people who are inclined to smoke pot but don't because it's against the law?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Then why do you think if it were decriminalized there would be a sudden stampede of people showing up to work stoned, dragging down the economy and clearing supermarket aisles of Pringles and Twinkies?
JOSH: That's not a reason to make it legal.
DONNA: In a free society, you don't need a reason to make something legal -- you need a reason to make something illegal.
JOSH: Donna, parents are keeping kids away from drugs with a whip and a chair. It doesn't help them out if we...
The phone rings and Donna picks it up.
DONNA: Yes?
JOSH: No, that's OK, it's just me, talking...
Donna hangs up the phone.
DONNA: President's back.
JOSH: Does he want to see me?
DONNA: Yeah.
Josh leaves.
---
Josh and Donna are watching a movie in the President's movie theater along with POTUS, Ellie, and other staffers. They're sitting towards the back of the theater.
JOSH: This isn't good.
DONNA: What?
JOSH: The President's not talking.
DONNA: There's a movie on.
JOSH: He usually talks during the movie.
POTUS has gone to talk to the surgeon general and when he returns he talks to Josh.
Jed: Tell C.J., when she gives Millie our support on Monday, she can mean it.
JOSH: You know, it's going to seem to some people like you did it Œcase your daughter asked you to.
Jed: You know, Josh, I think if you ever have a daughter, you're going to discover there are worse reasons in the world to do something. Sit down, we're coming to the good part.
Still in the dark polling center.
DONNA: Josh
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Can I tell you something about women?
JOSH: Oh God please don't. . .
DONNA: They like to be wooed.
JOSH: Donna . . .
DONNA: She wants you to ask her out Josh.
JOSH: She really doesn't.
DONNA: You're missing the signs.
JOSH: I'm really not
DONNA: I know a thing or two about the ways of love.
JOSH: No you don't.
DONNA: You're missing the signs.
JOSH: I'm thinking of firing you.
DONNA: You fired me twice already tonight, I'm impervious.
JOSH: Among other things. (Joey and Kenny come up to them) Yeah?
Joey/Kenny: Let's pack it in. We'll start over tomorrow night.
JOSH: Why?!
Joey/Kenny: It's already 9:30 in California, the power isn't on, we're missing half the window.
JOSH: Joey!
Joey: Pack it in.
JOSH: OK Folks we'll start over tomorrow night!
Joey: See ya.
JOSH: Take it easy. Goodnight.
DONNA: So you have to wait another day.
JOSH: I'm not good at waiting.
DONNA: No kidding.
JOSH: Donna...
DONNA: Why do you expect our internal polling to be any different than from any other kind of polling? We've got dial up groups we've got CNN, USA Today, we've got Gallup, why is our poll going to be any different?
JOSH: We're asking different questions.
DONNA: I'll get your coat. By the way, right there, back when she said "See ya," that was a sign.
JOSH: You're fired.
DONNA: Impervious!
---
Josh and Sam are about to eat breakfast with the President.
JOSH: Can I tell you something strange?
Sam: OK
JOSH: All last night at the phone banks, Donna was telling me I should ask Joey Lucas out.
Sam: You should.
JOSH: Fine. But that aside what do you think about Donna being the one pushing.
Sam: I don't think anything.
JOSH: You wouldn't think she'd be jealous.
Sam: She goes out with guys, do you get jealous?
JOSH: No.
Sam: See.
JOSH: I don't get jealous.
Sam: So?
JOSH: I don't like it and usually do everything within my considerable capabilities to sabotage it.
Sam: Yes.
JOSH: Which is why its curious that Donna would do nothing to discourage and in fact everything to encourage a date with Joey Lucas who is, quite frankly a very attractive woman.
Sam: Josh.
JOSH: Yeah.
Sam: You know your voice just got really high at the end of that.
JOSH: Yeah, sorry.
---
Josh has been on the phone on hold when Donna walks in.
DONNA: Josh
JOSH: I'm on hold.
DONNA: They'll call us and tell us when the power's back on.
JOSH: They did call.
DONNA: And?
JOSH: I'm on hold.
DONNA: I'll wait with you.
JOSH: That'll be a lot of fun.
DONNA: So you never told me why this poll is different.
JOSH: Hmm?
DONNA: You never told me why you're interested in these particular numbers.
JOSH: There're five Congressional Districts that I'm concerned with.
DONNA: Which districts?
JOSH: Kentucky Third, that's Louisville.
DONNA: And Jefferson.
JOSH: Yeah, Louisiana Fourth, Missouri Ninth, Missouri Sixth, and Ohio Twelfth.
DONNA: What's with these five districts?
JOSH: The President last night announced a crime package that would, among other things...
DONNA: Require a five day waiting period for a background check.
JOSH: The five Congressmen in those districts...
DONNA: Are sitting on the fence.
JOSH: Right.
DONNA: So you wanna know how the crime package polled in those five districts.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: If it polled well, you've got your gun law.
JOSH: Probably.
DONNA: And if it tanked you've gotta shut up or lose five Democratic seats in the House.
JOSH: Why do you ask me the question, when you're gonna have the conversation by yourself.
DONNA: You want me to hold the phone for a while?
JOSH: I can hold the phone. (Then Josh hands the phone to Donna, changing his mind) Take the phone. (He turns back around) Give me the phone. (Donna gives the phone back to Josh)
JOSH: Why're you trying to fix me up with Joey Lucas.
DONNA: I think you'd make a nice couple.
JOSH: Fine.
DONNA: If you got married you'd be Joshua and Josephine Lucas Lyman. You wouldn't have to get your towels re-monogrammed.
JOSH: (on phone) Thank you. (He hangs up) Power's back on.
DONNA: Excellent.
JOSH: Yes
DONNA: What do we do now?
JOSH: We wait.
---
After a meeting about Columbia and the hostages.
DONNA: Joey says it's probably just another hour.
JOSH: She'll bring me the numbers here?
DONNA: Yeah. ... Josh how is this not a no-brainer?
JOSH: Columbia?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: You say get 'em home?
DONNA: Of course I say get 'em home, who doesn't say get 'em home? That should be the person who has to make the phone calls to the families.
JOSH: And who calls the families of the nine commandos who just died trying to save five guys it turns out we could've saved six hours ago.
DONNA: That's not a good enough reason.
JOSH: The good enough reason is you give in to terrorists -- it gives them a pretty good incentive to keep terrorizing.
DONNA: Not negotiating with them hasn't given them much of a disincentive.
JOSH: How do you know?
DONNA: Please...
JOSH: You don't think they're going to kidnap five more guys tomorrow morning and demand twelve months of free cable?
DONNA: So you give them free cable.
JOSH: How about the keys to the Situation Room?
DONNA:...You draw a line.
JOSH: Where? ... Did she say about an hour?
DONNA: On the early numbers?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Yeah.
---
Josh, Donna, Joey, and Kenny are in his office discussing the poll results.
JOSH: Son of a bitch.
DONNA: What's wrong.
JOSH: A five day waiting period, that's all. A person can't wait five days to buy a gun? If someone needs a gun right now, right this second, isn't that something the public should be concerned about?
DONNA: On the other hand taking the feelings of gun owners into account, if you've got to shoot somebody, it probably isn't something that can wait.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Mind if I take off?
JOSH: What time is it?
DONNA: 2:00AM
JOSH: OK, we'll call it a full day. But come in early tomorrow.
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: (He looks up at her, concerned) You all right getting home?
DONNA: Yeah. Good night guys. (Josh's eyes follow her out the door)
Joey/Kenny: They're just preliminary numbers.
JOSH: They're not gonna change.
Joey: No.
JOSH: 5 day waiting period...
Joey/Kenny: It tested well nationwide.
JOSH: Yeah.
Joey/Kenny: 58%.
JOSH: I didn't need nationwide I needed those five districts. We're gonna have to dial down the gun rhetoric in the Midwest.
Joey: Why not dial it up?
JOSH: Because these numbers just told us...
Joey/Kenny: You don't know what these numbers just told you. I'm an expert - I don't know what these numbers just told you.
JOSH: We know.
Joey: We?
JOSH: Numbers don't lie.
Joey/Kenny: They lie all the time. They lie when 72% of Americans say they're tired of a sex scandal, while all the while, newspaper circulation go through the roof for anyone featuring the story. If you polled a hundred Donnas and asked them if they think we should go out, you'd get a high positive response. But, the poll wouldn't tell you it's because she like you. And she's knows it's beginning to show and she needs to cover herself with misdirection.
JOSH: (convincingly - to convince himself? and/or Joey) Believe me when I tell you, that's not true.
Joey/Kenny: You say that these numbers mean dial it down. I say they mean dial it up. You haven't gotten through. There are people out there you haven't persuaded yet. These numbers mean dial it up. Otherwise you're like the French radical watching the crowd run by and saying "there go my people, I must find out where they are going so I can lead them."
JOSH: (seems to get it) Yeah.
Joey/Kenny: We'll go through the rest of the numbers in the morning.
JOSH: OK
Josh is walking around the pollsters bothering them when Donna comes up to him.
DONNA:
Josh.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: These people have done this before.
JOSH: They're not our people
DONNA: They're Joey Lucas' people.
JOSH: None of them have accents?
DONNA: They're all out of the Midwest.
JOSH: I'm saying Joey Lucas is deaf. She would have NO way of knowing.... (he turns to the pollsters and yells) Do any of you people have accents?
DONNA: Oh my God...
JOSH: (he's getting back stares) Do any of you people have the power of speech?
DONNA: They're fine.
JOSH:
I should
be there right now.
DONNA: He's
fine!
---
Josh and Donna are watching the President finish his speech and when he finishes and the crowd bursts into applause, Josh stands, hollering and clapping while Donna just grins.
JOSH: Tell me about it.
DONNA: He was brilliant up there.
JOSH:
(enthused) Up
there is where this President EATS! That is his place of business. Yes, he
did well.
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Let's find out how well.
DONNA: This is exciting.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: So, what do I do?
DONNA: What do you mean?
JOSH: What do I tell them?
DONNA: Tell them to start
JOSH: Didn't you talk to Joey?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: What did she say?
DONNA: She said her plane was late.
JOSH: What did she say I should tell the callers?
DONNA: She didn't say anything.
JOSH: Donna!
DONNA: Tell them to start, Josh.
JOSH: They're not supposed to receive special instructions based on....
DONNA: What?
JOSH: Time zones!?! I don't know. I'm.... I'm not a pollster. I thought Joey called.
DONNA: She called from the plane and said she was late.
JOSH: When is she gonna be here?
Joey/Kenny:
Joshua
Lyman, you have the cutest little butt in professional politics.
Josh turns around and sees Joey and Kenny there. She explains her plane was late b/c of mechanical difficulties. He tells her to start the polling instructions so they can get started. She asks them if they're chewing gum and the pollsters answer with a resounding no as Josh glares at Donna who ignores him. Then Joey tells them to start, that was her only instruction.
---
Joey
and Kenny have just told Donna the response rate is good when Josh comes up
to them.
JOSH: Jack
Sloane was reprimanded for excessive violence by the Detroit Police Department.
DONNA:How long ago?
JOSH: 17 years.
DONNA: What happened?
JOSH: I don't know. He made a bust....he broke the guys leg....the DA couldn't make a case...the civil suit was dismissed but it's there.
(Josh and Donna go on to explain it to Joey, who doesn't know about the police)
Joey/Kenny: He wasn't vetted?
JOSH: It was last minute. When do I see numbers?
DONNA: Joey says it's going good.
JOSH: Great! When do I see numbers?
Joey/Kenny: There's a 17% response rate.
JOSH: Fantastic. When do I see numbers?
Joey: You need patience, Joshua!
JOSH: I need numbers, Tonto!
Joey/Kenny: The poll's an hour old!
JOSH: You get early numbers.....
Joey/Kenny: When I get them, you'll have them.
JOSH: So, what do you do in the meantime?
Joey: I'm getting a doughnut. (Joey and Kenny leave)
JOSH: OK. ... I'm plagued by this nonsense Donna. I swear, it's just reaching epidemic proportions. Those numbers are gonna show we had a big night and the balance is gonna be dragged down by a news cycle. ... That won't shake the cops.
DONNA: You should ask her out.
JOSH: I'm sorry?
DONNA: You should ask Joey out. Tonight could be the night.
JOSH: The night to do what?
DONNA: To ask her out.
JOSH: Get a doughnut!
DONNA: Okay... (Donna leaves)
---
Josh is watching the coverage of the "post-speech analysis" going on at the White House, predicting what's coming out of Ainsley's mouth.
DONNA: So Josh...
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Are you still thinking?
JOSH: We're still doing this?
DONNA: Have you asked her out yet?
JOSH:Don-na...
DONNA: ' Cause the last time I asked you you hadn't asked her out yet.
JOSH: What is taking so long?
DONNA: "Joey, would you like to go out Friday night?" You know, you have to say it. You have to ask a girl out on a date. You can't just randomly tumble into a girl sideways and hopes she breaks up with you soon like you always do.
JOSH: Why not?
DONNA: 'Cause you can't!
JOSH: You just said I always do.
DONNA: Josh, I can help you or not help you. It's up to you.
JOSH: Then I absolutely choose NOT helping me.
DONNA:
You want
me to ask her out for you?
(Joey
and Kenny are nearby)
JOSH: (sarcastically) Yeah. That's exactly what I want you to do.
DONNA: Joey... (she starts to proposition her)
JOSH: Sit down.
Donna shuts her mouth and sits as Josh and Joey begin discussing how the polling's going when the lights go out.
---
The lights are out in the polling center.
DONNA: (on the phone) OK.(She hangs up) Good news. The Potomac Electric Power Company says the outage was caused by a 13,000 volt cable that caught fire in a building on M Street and Wisconsin.
JOSH: How is that good news?
DONNA: Well, we have hard information now.
JOSH: When's the power going back on?
DONNA: That information isn't available at this time.
JOSH: Donna...
DONNA: I can tell you that the outage is affecting some 2,000 customers and it was likely started when a repairman mis-sliced...something....
JOSH: Call Sam. I want the numbers!
DONNA:
You know Josh, everyone else is having fun with this.
JOSH: You're the only one who's having fun with this. Nobody else is having
fun with this.
Joey: (she sneaks up from behind and bumps into Josh) BOO! (she
laughs)
JOSH: Are those numbers safe?
Joey: Yes.
JOSH: Are we gonna be able to make the West Coast calls?
Joey/Kenny: It depends on when the power goes on.
JOSH: When's that gonna be?
Joey: Hey!
Joey/Kenny: Do I look like Electricity Girl?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: (on the phone) I'm thinking of leading everyone in song.
JOSH: Is that Sam?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH:
Give it
to me.
Josh explains to Sam what's going on.
Sam:
Donna told
me to tell you you should ask out Joey Lucas.
JOSH: Hey,
can I tell ya Donna's been acting kind of....
Sam: I gotta go.
---
It's still dark at the polling center.
DONNA: You know what I'm surprised about?
JOSH: ... What?
DONNA: We haven't seen a lot of looting.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Usually in these cases you see a lot more looting....
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: General civil unrest...
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: ...people get on each other's nerves.
JOSH: Okay.
(Josh goes over to Joey to ask her about pulling the numbers out of the computer. Meanwhile the phone has rung.)
DONNA: (with phone in hand) Josh?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: It's Sam. (She passes the phone to him)
Sam tells him Josh he has to come back to the White House because Leo wants all of them back.
Josh is on the speakerphone with CJ while he is standing with his back against a wall of his office. Donna comes barging in, the door she opens hits the wall where Josh is standing.
DONNA: Josh.
CJ: (on the phone) Got to go.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Are you ok?
JOSH: Yeah. What? Josh closes the door and walks behind his desk.
DONNA: Is it true that Leo can't stand a guy named Lord John Marbury.
JOSH: Why?
DONNA: A reporter asked me.
JOSH: What's a reporter doing talking to you?
DONNA: It's a friend of a friend.
JOSH: Leo McGarry has nothing but respect and affection for John Marbury.
DONNA: That's what I said.
JOSH: Good. 'Cause Leo thinks he's a lunatic. (Josh sits in his chair)
DONNA: He's very handsome. (Donna leans on a table across from him)
JOSH: That may be so but Leo thinks he's a lunatic.
DONNA: Are you threatened by his brilliance?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: You seem threatened by his brilliance.
JOSH: How do you know he's brilliant?
DONNA: I saw his picture.
JOSH: I'm not threatened by his brilliance, nor am I threatened by his good looks.
DONNA: What about his charm?
JOSH: I'm not threatened at all.
DONNA: I'm sorry, I meant Leo.
JOSH: Neither Leo or I are threatened by his brains, his looks, or his charm. He his however a lunatic Brit and we're grateful there's an ocean between us.
DONNA: There isn't anymore.
JOSH: There isn't what?
DONNA: An ocean between you.
JOSH: Please don't tell me…
DONNA: He's the new British Ambassador to the United States.
JOSH: (sighs) Yeah. He gets up and heads toward the wall.
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: He's dreamy.
JOSH: I'm just going to stand nextt the wall a little while longer.
DONNA: Okay. (She leaves, slamming the other door against the wall next to him.)
JOSH: (groans then continues to stand with his back against the wall)
---
A walk and talk.
DONNA: Josh…
JOSH: Would you see that a meeting is arranged for tomorrow night in NY for CJ, Cornelius Sykes, and no one else?
DONNA: Yeah.
CJ: Thank you!
DONNA: And I was thinking.
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: When Marbury gets here?
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: You can encourage him to introduce me to any royal and single men he might know.
JOSH: That's a good idea. I'm going to do that.
DONNA: You're not really though, are you?
JOSH: No.
Josh and Sam are attempting to start a fire.
DONNA:
We don't need some kind of permission for this?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: What about supervision, shouldn't there be some official supervision?
JOSH: We're making a fire in a fireplace, what kind of supervision do you
want?
DONNA: FEMA? The American Red Cross?
Sam: What kind of wood is this?
JOSH: I don't know.
DONNA: Josh...
JOSH: It's freezing in here.
DONNA: I acknowledge that it's cold.
JOSH: It's like Ice Station Zebra.
DONNA: It also might bother someone.
JOSH: It's half past midnight!
Sam: See, here's the thing. This looks like spruce to me.
JOSH: Yeah?
Sam: And spruce is a softwood, softwood burns out quickly. You know what we
need for a slow burning fire?
JOSH: A hardwood?
Sam: That's right.
JOSH: That's interesting.
DONNA: Where did you get the wood?
JOSH: It was sitting in ... the thing.
DONNA: I think that is mean to be decorative...
JOSH: It's wood, we're not burning Benjamin Harrison's log cabin.
Sam: You know what?
JOSH: What?
Sam: We might be.
JOSH: Why?
Sam: It was made out of spruce.
JOSH: Where's CJ?
DONNA: She's over in the Roosevelt Room.
JOSH: Is she doing the seating chart?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works, he needs to be seated
near the center. Would you tell her that?
DONNA: Yeah. You're not using lighter fluid or anything are you?
JOSH: Noo...no flammable liquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.
(Donna's about to leave when Sam comes in again with a kerosene lamp)
Sam: Found it!
JOSH: What?
Sam: Kerosene.
DONNA: (stopping and turning around) Josh...
JOSH: Go.
---
Josh and Sam are still working on the fire.
DONNA:
Josh...
JOSH: Hang on. (Turns to Sam) You know what we need?
Sam: Dried leaves.
JOSH: We need dried leaves.
DONNA: To move Jancowitz, we've got to move either the House or Senate Whip.
JOSH and Sam: (in unison) House.
DONNA: Why?
Sam: ‘Cause life is tough in the big cruel world, and if he doesn't like
it, he can kiss me!
DONNA: So, the spirit of bi-partisanship begins!
Sam: Yeah.
JOSH: Could you possible get us some dried leaves?
DONNA: Yeah, I'll just run out to the forest and be right back. (She exits)
Sam: You know what?
JOSH: You think she was being sarcastic?
Sam: Yeah, I don't think she's getting the leaves.
---
Josh and Sam have started a fire and smoke starts to come out.
DONNA:
(rushing into the room) What'd you do?!
JOSH: It's going pretty good now.
DONNA: There's smoke in the hallways!
Josh and Sam discover that the fireplace had been welded shut too late b/c the fire alarm goes off.
---
Donna has gone to talk to Karen Cahill for Sam because Sam had gone to apologize for Leo and Sam thought he might have said the wrong country name when talking to her.
DONNA:
Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
JOSH: What is it?
DONNA: (lifts the manila envelope as if she's looking through it) It's...wait...wait...no.
Damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today.
JOSH: Give me that. (Josh goes into his office)
Sam and Donna discuss Donna's Karen Cahill encounter the night before.
JOSH: Donna? (he comes out to where Sam and Donna are)
DONNA: What was in the envelope?
JOSH: Your underwear?
DONNA: What?
JOSH: I'm holding...your underwear...in my hand...right now. And the way I
know it's your underwear is that your name sewn in the back, which is obviously
something we'll spend some time talking about at a later date.
DONNA: How did you get my underwear?
Sam: Donna, did you by any chance where the same pair of pants two days in
a row this week?
DONNA: No.
JOSH: Donna?
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: OK., when you get dressed on day two did you check the pant leg for
the previous day's underwear?
DONNA: I don't need to check the pant leg for—
JOSH: Donna.
DONNA: They fell out of my pants?
JOSH: It would appear that way.
DONNA: Where?
JOSH: The South Street exhibit.
DONNA: Where?
JOSH: On the floor in front of Karen Cahill.
DONNA: Please tell me she's not the one...
JOSH: She sent a note.
DONNA: (gasps)
CJ: Fred and Ethel, would you follow me please?
JOSH: She's talking about us. (Josh tosses Donna her underwear and leaves
with Sam to follow CJ. Donna stuffs them in a desk drawer)
A snippet from his conversation with Stanley mentioning DONNA:
Stanley:
I'd asked a woman for some coffee a few minutes ago. Do you want some coffee?
JOSH: No, thanks.
Stanley: Tea?
JOSH: No.
Stanley: Maybe later.
JOSH: Yeah.
Stanley: The woman I asked works for you, I think…Donna?
JOSH: Yeah.
Stanley: She works for you?
JOSH: She's my assistant.
Stanley: Was she at Rosalyn?
JOSH: It's Rosslyn.
Stanley: I'm sorry?
JOSH: The shooting took place at Rosslyn Virginia, not Rosalyn.
Stanley: I'm sorry, I'm not from around here.
JOSH: Where are you from?
Stanley: San Francisco, California.
JOSH: I always thought it was San Franchisco.
Stanley: Was she with you?
JOSH: Donna?
Stanley: Yeah.
JOSH: Nope.
---
Josh is flashing back to when Leo told him about a pilot he had to investigate.
JOSH: (he bumps into someone) Sorry. Donna.
DONNA:
I have the personnel file for the pilot.
JOSH: How did you know I was going to ask you for that?
DONNA: I'm tuned to you.
JOSH: Seriously.
DONNA: I anticipate your every need.
JOSH: Yeah, but to be walking by with the guy's personnel file?
DONNA: They called me ten minutes ago, Josh, don't be a yutz.
JOSH: Oh.
DONNA: On the other hand, you're a very handsome man.
JOSH: What do you need?
DONNA: You're a very powerful and a very handsome man.
JOSH: What do you need?
DONNA: You know how I never ask you for anything?
JOSH: What do you need?
DONNA: Yo-Yo Ma is playing at the Christmas party.
JOSH: Which one?
DONNA: Congressional.
JOSH: Fine.
DONNA: I can come?
JOSH: Give me the file.
DONNA: Can I come?
JOSH: To the Congressional Christmas party?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: You can take your Pablo Casals, you can keep your Rostopovich, I say
Yo-yo Ma rules.
JOSH: Hmm.
DONNA: What?
JOSH: (looking at the pilot's info) This guy? The pilot?
DONNA: What about him?
JOSH: He's got the same birthday as me. I'll be in here. (He settles into
his office)
---
Josh
is in another flashback, he's yelling at the bullpen.
JOSH: Would it be possible to hold the noise down out here?!
DONNA: Do you need something?
JOSH: I… need the CBO spec.
DONNA: It's on your desk.
JOSH: It's like a damn hockey game out here. (He slams his office door
shut)
---
Josh is another flashback, he's just IDed a painting for CJ when Donna walks by.
DONNA:
Yo-yo Ma rules!
The flashback ends and Josh is back with Stanley.
JOSH:
She wouldn't shut up about Yo-yo Ma.
Stanley: You don't like the cello?
JOSH: I like the cello fine. You asked me what was going on that day and one
of the things that was going on was that Donna wouldn't shut up about Yo-yo
Ma.
---
Josh has finished talking with Stanley and Leo stops to talk to him about it.
Leo:
OK., Donna's gonna take you to the emergency room.
JOSH: She knows?
Leo: She was the one who guessed.
JOSH: I don't need the emergency room.
Leo: Come on, it could be infected, you could have a thing.
JOSH: What thing? (Donna enters holding out Josh's coat for him)
Leo: How the hell do I know?
JOSH: Leo...
DONNA: Let's go. (She helps Josh put on his coat)
JOSH: See you later.
Leo: OK.
Josh and Donna leave and go through the White House gates.
JOSH: I don't need a doctor.
DONNA: Are you a doctor?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Then be quiet. (They stop when they get to a group of carolers because
Josh starts to listen distractedly. Donna turns to him) Josh?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Let's go.
JOSH: OK.
Donna leads him away as the carolers continue singing. Show fades to black
as sirens can be heard.
Josh
and Donna are in his office discussing stamps.
DONNA: "The process by which a stamp enters into circulation begins with
the American people.''
JOSH: (he's out of it) What?
DONNA: Are you even listening?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Do you want to do this or not?
JOSH: I don't.
DONNA: I did index cards.
JOSH: How many?
DONNA: 87
JOSH: Reduce it to 3.
DONNA: Philately's fun, Josh.
JOSH: I'm sorry. What's fun?
DONNA: Philately -- stamp collecting.
JOSH: Careful how you say that cause...
DONNA: Can we work?
JOSH:Tell me what you know.
DONNA: The process by which a stamp enters circulation begins with the American
Public...
JOSH: Well, that's always our first mistake.
DONNA: "About 50,000 proposals a year are submitted to the Citizens'
Stamp Advisory Committee, the acronym for which is...''
JOSH: Dork squad?
DONNA: "C-SAC. The committee then makes a recommendation to the postmaster
general -- in this case, Marcus Aquino. He won the Silver Star for Service
in Korea. There are numerous instances listed here of lifesaving valor and
actions well above and beyond the call of duty. As Puerto Rico's resident
commissioner, he served Congress faithfully and well.'' Let's put him on a
stamp.
JOSH: Let's put you on a stamp.
DONNA: (she's smiling) Okay.
JOSH: Let's talk about the problem.
---
DONNA:
It's a stamp!
JOSH: Yes, but we have to remain neutral.
DONNA: It's a stamp!
JOSH: I understand that it's a stamp but I'm saying when it comes to statehood
for Puerto Rico, the United States has to remain neutral.
DONNA: Puerto Rico's in the United States.
JOSH: Once again, thanks for that review of fifth grade social studies. But
I meant the federal government must remain neutral.
DONNA: Puerto Rico is in the federal government.
JOSH: No it's not.
DONNA: They send a resident commissioner to Congress.
JOSH: Who can't vote. But that's beside the point.
DONNA: What is the point?
JOSH: Aquino was strongly in favor of statehood. To put his face on a stamp
would be promoting his beliefs. We can't do that.
DONNA: Because we have to remain neutral?
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: That's idiotic.
JOSH: Oh, like it's the first time.
DONNA: He voiced an opinion so he can't be on a stamp?
JOSH: (sighs) Donna.
DONNA: Sides have been taken: former Presidents, the Speaker, Minority Leader.
They all said that statehood is in the long-term interest of Puerto Rico and
that, as it stands, 3.8 million American citizens have been relegated to second-class
status! That's more people than Mississippi!
JOSH: Mississippi's never minded being relegated to second-class status.
DONNA: Oh you're going to make your little bigoted Mississippi jokes?
JOSH: Yes, I am.
DONNA: Isn't anyone worried that if they're not given statehood, they're going
to want independence?
JOSH: Exactly no one is worried about that. You know why? Because Puerto Rico
is absolutely dependent on US manufacturing, which contributes 40 percent
to the GDP and accounts for 24 percent of their workforce.
DONNA: I don't care! People don't sit still for tyranny!
JOSH: How's it tyranny?
DONNA: Puerto Ricans have to register to be drafted into the armed forces,
yet they're not allowed to vote for President. They're expected to die for
a Commander-in-Chief they had no voice in electing?
JOSH: Donna...
DONNA: We have colonized Puerto Rico and they will rise up against us.
JOSH: I think we can take 'em
DONNA: That's what we said about the British.
JOSH: We took the British.
DONNA: You know what I'm saying.
JOSH: Hardly ever.
Toby and Josh start talking, Toby updates him on Galileo
DONNA: (from another room) Josh!
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: The stamp?
JOSH: You were supposed to do this, you know.
Toby: I delegated.
JOSH: Yeah.
---
DONNA:
Aha!
JOSH: What you got there?
DONNA: Precedent, baby!
JOSH: Precedent?
DONNA: Precedent. The mother's milk of you know, making your point and being
right.
JOSH: Okay.
DONNA: The Jewish War Veterans lobbied to get a stamp, even though the criteria
prohibits people or groups whose principal undertakings are religious.
JOSH: Right, and what happened?
DONNA: The J.W.V. argues that their principal achievements have been fighting
wars for their country, just like Aquino.
JOSH: Right. What happened?
DONNA: They were denied.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA:
Okay. That doesn't help me.
JOSH: No.
DONNA:
Hang on!
JOSH: Look...
DONNA:
The Luna Moth has its own stamp.
JOSH: What's a Luna Moth?
DONNA: It's a moth, and you don't see the National Organization of Entomologists
freaking out.
JOSH: No, but I'd pay good money to see that.
DONNA: Hang on. Hang on.
JOSH: Donna...
DONNA: Aha!
JOSH: Here we go. (The phone is ringing)
DONNA: The following groups have been issued stamps: Disabled Veterans of
America, American Confederate Veterans, American Legion and its black soldiers
who served as buffalo scouts in the West.
JOSH: Uh, are you gonna get that?
DONNA: I-I meant in the 19th century. The black soldiers from the West.
JOSH: Yeah. I didn't think we still had buffalo scouts. (He picks up the
phone) Josh Lyman.
DONNA: The guy should be able to be on a stamp.
JOSH: (on phone) OK.(hangs up)
DONNA: What was that?
JOSH: The President's back.
Not much Josh/Donna interaction in this episode. She tells him and Sam and Toby about the turkeys that need to be put somewhere and that's about it. And with one line she tells him he must meet with an INS guy...nothing really of significance.
Josh is on the phone with Leo when Donna walks in, wearing a red dress she wouldn't wear to work. She is tidying up his desk and shutting everything off.
JOSH: (on phone) Ok, I have to go. Donna's about to seize the phone.
Leo: (on phone) All right.
JOSH: (on phone) Leo, he likes long plane rides.
Donna has shut off the lights.
Leo: (on phone) Yeah
Josh hangs up the phone.
JOSH: Can I have the electricity back on?
DONNA: No.
JOSH: Why?
DONNA: It's time to go.
They walk out into the bullpen.
JOSH: Not for me. Matt Skinner's coming down from the Hill.
DONNA: When did this happen?
JOSH: Two minutes ago. Did you have plans?
DONNA: Did I have plans?
JOSH: Did you?
DONNA: Look at me.
JOSH: (his eyes look down and notice the red dress she's wearing) Hey, you look good!
DONNA: Yes, I do.
JOSH: You weren't wearing that during the day today.
DONNA: Pity the girl who tries to get something past you, Josh.
JOSH: Did you steal that dress?
DONNA: I bought this dress.
JOSH: But you're returning it tomorrow.
DONNA: Yes, I am.
JOSH: That's stealing.
DONNA: I'm giving it back.
JOSH: After wearing it once.
DONNA: There's a word for this.
JOSH: It's "stealing."
DONNA: I'm a girl on a budget, Josh--I'm being thrifty. (She puts on her coat)
JOSH: Yes, and felonious. What are your plans?
DONNA: Look, we're having drinks, we're having dinner, we are dancing, we are having desert.
JOSH: No problem. You can do all those things except for the drinks, the dancing, and the desert.
DONNA: Josh…
JOSH: You need to be done with dinner in an hour and five minutes.
DONNA: Do you see what I'm wearing? (She opens up her coat and kind of strikes a pose)
JOSH: If you want to have sex you have to have it during dinner.
DONNA: This is the guy, Josh. This is a great guy. His name is Todd.
JOSH: You met him for five minutes at a party.
DONNA: I got the good vibe. (She's smiling)
JOSH: Ok.
DONNA: I have an excellent sense about this sense.
JOSH: You actually have no sense about these things. You have no vibe. You have terrible taste in men and your desire to be coupled up will always and forever drown out any small sense of self or self-worth that you may have.
DONNA: (she's no longer smiling) You're a downer, you know that. I'm calling you Deputy Downer from now on. (She starts to leave)
JOSH: (he looks after her) Be back by the time I'm done with Skinner. (he returns to his office)
---
Matt Skinner has just arrived.
JOSH: Hey, Matt.
Matt: You let Donna out?
They shake hands.
JOSH: Temporarily. She's having dinner.
DONNA: Oh, with who?
JOSH: A guy she has no future with.
DONNA: Why no future?
JOSH: Because I say so. You want some coffee or something?
Josh and Matt start talking about the marriage act.
---
Donna is arriving back at the West Wing after her date when Leo walks with her. He notices she's not wearing the same outfit she wore at work and compliments her on her dress. She makes a comment about how "you guys are as sharp as tacks." We can tell that the date didn't go well. Then she tells him she has to go tell Josh she's back. Leo tells her he's in the mess. We pick up there with Josh and Matt still talking about the act.
DONNA: Excuse me.
JOSH: Hey.
DONNA: Uh, I'm back.
Matt: Hey, Donna.
DONNA: Hi, Congressman
Matt: How was your date?
DONNA: Uh, it was good. Josh, I'll be around.
JOSH: Thanks. (Josh looks like he's about to say something but then he sees Donna walking by the Mess window. He can't take her eyes off her until she's out of sight, then he picks back up his conversation with Matt.)
---
Donna goes to visit Ainsley in Ainsley's office and Donna asks her what she's doing. Ainsley's typing up notes for Josh, Donna knows about it. Donna then asks her if she thinks that they look alike. Ainsley doesn't think so but Donna's not assured. When Donna suggests that Ainsley die her hair red, Ainsley tells her she's "wigging out." Ainsley takes her up on the offer to work up in the bullpen. They continue their conversation upstairs in the bullpen. This time Donna asks if she's played any instruments and if she's met interesting men when Josh interrupts to ask Ainsley a legal question. Josh is then interrupted by Donna who lets him know Toby's on the phone. They talk about the act and hang up. Josh then heads to talk to Leo. They say goodnight to Ainsley on their way out.
DONNA: Do you know she played the trombone?
JOSH: I didn't.
DONNA: Tonight stunk, Josh.
JOSH: (sincerely) I'm sorry about that.
DONNA: I didn't mean having to work, although that was a treat. I meant the guy.
JOSH: Who was it?
DONNA: A lobbyist with Travis-West. He was pretty full of himself and without a lot of cause to be.
JOSH: An obnoxious insurance lobbyist…what were the odds? (He has a slight grin on his face)
DONNA: It isn't funny Josh. (She playfully hits him)
JOSH: I got to go see Leo. (He starts heading off)
DONNA: I'll call you in the morning. (She turns to leave)
JOSH: (He turns around) You looked really great in that dress tonight, Donna. You should buy it for yourself. (He maintains eye contact with her for a couple seconds, then turns to see Leo.)
Donna continues to look at him as he leaves, then turns to leave for the night.
Josh and Donna are in Josh's office watching CJ's press briefing.
JOSH: She walked into it. She knows it, too.
DONNA: Walked into what?
JOSH: She can't confirm that the President hasn't considered it unless she asks the President if he's considered it at which point, he'll have considered it.
DONNA: That sounds pretty stupid.
JOSH: It was a better-organized thought when it was in my head. Is she almost done?
DONNA: She's wrapping up.
JOSH: Let's go. (They start walking)
DONNA: Has he considered it?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Why not?
JOSH: Why should he?
DONNA: If he thinks he has a better chance or ratifying the Test Ban Treaty with this Congress than the new one…
JOSH: He doesn't…
DONNA: But if Margaret Mitchel's….
JOSH: Mitchel's not a factor.
DONNA: Josh, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration…
JOSH: No.
DONNA: Oh, shush!
JOSH: How do you change subjects so fast?
DONNA: Josh…
JOSH: I mean it. How can you go from a Test Ban Treaty and a lame-duck Congress to OSHA?
DONNA: (She smiles) 'Cause I'm me. (Josh smiles, and shakes his head in wonderment) Do you know how people acquire carpal tunnel syndrome?
JOSH: It shouldn't surprise you to learn that I do not.
DONNA: 600,000 Americans a year. Do you have any idea painful it is?
JOSH: Donna, in the scheme of things, who really cares….
DONNA: Do you have any idea how painful it is? (She grabs his ear so that his head tilts)
JOSH: Yes, yes, yes, yes. (She lets go of his ear)
DONNA: Pain in your forearm. No grip. You lose the ability to pinch.
JOSH: People who lose the ability to pinch? I got to tell you I don't from where they summon the will to go on.
DONNA: You guys are on the wrong side of this.
JOSH: Aren't you one of "you guys"
DONNA: Not on this.
Then Josh sees CJ and begins a walk and talk with her.
---
A Josh and Donna walk and talk.
DONNA: See, what I think you don't understand is that carpal tunnel is only one of many afflictions that fall under the category of repetitive stress injuries, or RSI, and which are covered by the science of ergonomics.
JOSH: I'm not in charge of the science of ergonomics. You're gonna have to have somebody else who, you know, cares.
DONNA: You don't have to be in charge of it; OSHA is. They've come up with a new set of industry standards and I want to know why the White House isn't implementing them.
JOSH: Because the SPA says that the cost to small businesses could exceed $18 billion the first year. There'll be a huge increase in workmen's compensation premiums and Republicans find the word ergonomic to be silly.
DONNA: If we backed off of everything because of words the Republicans found silly we'd have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care.
JOSH: We do have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care.
DONNA: So how's your plan working out so far?
JOSH: Look…
Josh is interrupted by Charlie who tells him that Vasily Konanov is drunk, sitting out in a car in the driveway and refusing to get out until he speaks to the President.
---
After dealing with Konanov.
JOSH: DONNA! Put 2 uniformed agents outside my door. Tell Leo I'm coming over.
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Oh, how I miss the cold war.
---
After Leo has just found out that Donna has organized all the West Wing assistants to type slower, Josh walks in.
JOSH: Leo…
Leo: Can you keep your people in line?
JOSH: Well, there's been no evidence of it so far…
Josh talks to Leo about Konanov and what Toby's doing with Marino when Donna walks by Leo's office.
JOSH: Hey! Norma Rae, get in here. (Josh motions for her to come in Leo's office) The man's trying to run a country.
DONNA: This is a law that would prevent 32,000 to 95,000 injuries a year.
Leo: Not here it wouldn't.
DONNA: Why not?
JOSH: The White House and Congress are exempt from the workplace-related laws they pass.
DONNA: The White House and Congress are exempt?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: That makes things considerably easier for yourselves.
Leo: Yeah. Josh set it up.
DONNA: You've got your 4:00.
JOSH: I got a job for you.
DONNA: Congress and the White House are exempt.
JOSH: Get past it.
DONNA: What do you need?
JOSH: I need Vasily Konanov to meet with someone of absolutely no consequence. You're my girl.
DONNA: What the hell are you…
JOSH: I need you to meet with Vasily Konanov.
DONNA: Why?
JOSH: So the President can drop in and interrupt you.
DONNA: Are you kidding me?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: So I'm a beard.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: I'm being used.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: As a dupe.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: How I am I supposed to feel about that?
JOSH: How do you usually feel about that?
DONNA: Jo-osh…
JOSH: Don-na…
DONNA: My value here is that I have no value?
JOSH: You have enormous value to me. You have no value to Eastern Europe.
DONNA: Ok, you know what this?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: This is an opportunity.
JOSH: That's right.
DONNA: This is an audience with a man who understands the plight of the worker.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: Or do you think because he's a reformer he'll understand the plight of economics?
JOSH: Well, he's drunk and doesn't speak a lot of English so I don't think he's going to understand much of anything at all. (He puts his hand on her back) But set up the meeting and knock 'em dead. (He pats her back the leaves as she goes into his office)
JOSH: DONNA!
DONNA: Don't shout.
JOSH: DONNA! Come here. (He exits of his office)
DONNA: Did you hear me say "don't shout"?
JOSH: No.
DONNA: You know why?
JOSH: 'Cause you weren't shouting.
DONNA: That's right.
JOSH: That's right.
DONNA: What's the problem?
JOSH: They're still saying that I owe them fifty thousand dollars and that [reading] "failure to pay will result in a negative report on your credit."
DONNA: On my credit?
JOSH: On my credit. SAM!
DONNA: Don't shout.
--
They're in Josh's office.
DONNA: Take 17, looked like it was gonna be a keeper till he went on elocution safari during the word "protuberance".
JOSH: When did he finally nail it?
DONNA: Oh, he hasn't yet.
JOSH: He hasn't done it yet?
DONNA: There are matters of state to attend to, Josh. He can't spend the day indefinitely in this room...
JOSH: What about the audience?
DONNA: I sent them home. I wanna bring in a new audience. You know, like the old Carson Show.
JOSH: What the hell are we talking about?
DONNA: Did you know "leaf-peeping" was a thing? (the phone rings, Donna picks it up) Josh Lyman.
JOSH: Leaf-peeping?
DONNA: (on phone) Yeah. (She hangs up) Sam wants to see you.
JOSH: Insurance Victory! "And the weak shall be made strong", Donna, not "Might IS right, but rather "Might FOR right".
DONNA: And this relates to leaf peeping, how?
JOSH: (he leaves) It doesn't. Don't eat my French fries. (Donna reaches over to get Josh's fries)
Josh and Donna are in the bullpen then begin walking to the Roosevelt room.
DONNA: I don't think that I've honed in on this.
JOSH: Oh, a lot of ppl in Africa with HIV.
DONNA: Right
JOSH: American companies hold the patents on the medicines they need.
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: Most ppl in most African countries can't afford to buy the drugs at these prices so they buy them on the black market.
DONNA: In violation of US sanctions and international treaties.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: How prohibitively priced are the drugs?
JOSH: Costs about 150 bucks a week.
DONNA: Well, that's not totally off the charts.
JOSH: A police officer in Kenya makes about $43 a month.
DONNA: Do good in there. (Donna hands him a folder)
Josh sighs and enters the room to begin talks with the drug companies and President Nimbala.
Toby and Donna are walking through the bullpen.
Toby:
Donna.
DONNA: Yes?
Toby: You going to see Josh?
DONNA: I'm taking him his lunch.
Toby: Can I come?
DONNA: No.
Toby: Listen...
DONNA: No.
Toby: Donna.
DONNA: You know the rules.
Toby: The rules are dumb.
DONNA: The rules are not dumb.
Toby: Donna, seriously.
DONNA: I'm perfectly serious, Toby. He's recovering from an attempted murder.
He's suppose to be resting and I don't want people going over there getting
him fuhtushed.
Toby: Fartoost. Don't bring the Yiddish unless you know what you're doing.
DONNA: You know what word should be Yiddish, but isn't?
Toby: Donna
DONNA: Spatula.
Toby: Thank you
DONNA: Also, far-fetched.
Toby: I need to talk to him about...
DONNA: The Hate Crimes and how best to bring it to the President. He's got
the papers you wrote. He's got the materials you sent him. You've talked to
him on the phone 93 times a day.
Toby: And I'd like to go to his apartment and talk to him.
DONNA: No.
Toby: Donna.
DONNA: Maybe if you hadn't said the rules were dumb.
Toby: Yeah.
--
Josh,
Donna, CJ, and Toby are all gathered on Josh's apartment's steps while Sam
talks on the phone.
JOSH: Everybody should have to stay inside for three months so that they truly
appreciate the outdoors. I appreciate the outdoors, now. I'm an outdoorsman.
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: I said I'd let you outside if you'd stop talking about being an outdoorsman
and if you stopped talking about Theoretical Physics.
Josh starts talking to CJ about physics and pajamas she bought him. Sam
gets off the phone and tells them that the House stayed the same.
JOSH: Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor. We sit here, we drink
this beer out here on the stoop, in violation about 47 city ordinances. I
don't know, Toby, it's election night. What do you say about a government
that goes out of its way to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?
Toby: God bless America.
Sam: God bless America.
CJ: God bless America.
DONNA: God bless America.
JOSH: God bless America.
(Donna now has the First Lady sitting next to her.)
Abby: Donna? Do you want to throw some water on your face?
DONNA: You know, I should ask. Is there anything I'm supposed to be doing right now?
Abby: No.
DONNA: I mean, anything that Josh's office is supposed to be doing? Should I be making sure it's farmed out?
Abby: No, I'm sure it's being covered.
---
There is a flashback to the New Hampshire Bartlet for America Headquarters a couple years ago. Donna is in Josh's office at the campaign office talking on his phone.
DONNA: (on phone) Josh Lyman. Uh, no, he's not available right now. This afternoon? Uh, he's got a media session, and then a 5 o'clock with finance.
(Josh walks into his office for a piece of paper and turns to leave when he notices Donna and stops)
I can get your name and number and give Josh the message when he gets back. Thank you very much. (She hangs up the phone)
JOSH: Hi.
DONNA: Hi.
JOSH: Who are you?
DONNA: I'm Donna Moss, who are you?
JOSH: I'm Josh Lyman.
DONNA: Ah.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: I'm your new assistant.
JOSH: Did I have an old assistant?
DONNA: Maybe not.
JOSH: Who are you?
DONNA: I'm Donna Moss, I came here to volunteer and the woman assigned me to you.
JOSH: Which woman?
DONNA: Becky.
JOSH: You mean Margaret?
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: Who are you?
DONNA: I'm Donna Moss, I'll be working as your assistant.
JOSH: I'm going to talk to Margaret.
DONNA: Actually, Josh...
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: When I said I was assigned to you?
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: I may have been overstating it a little.
JOSH: Who are you?
DONNA: I'm Donna Moss, I drove up here from Madison, Wisconsin?
JOSH: When did your boyfriend break up with you?
DONNA: What makes you think that my boyfriend broke up with me?
JOSH: Well, you're too old for your parents to have kicked you out of the house.
DONNA: I'm here because I want to work for Bartlet. I'm a college graduate, with a degree in Political Science and Government.
JOSH: Where did you graduate?
DONNA: Hmm?
JOSH: Where did you graduate?
DONNA: Okay, when I said I graduated, I may have been overstating a little?
JOSH: Look...
DONNA: I was a couple of credits short.
JOSH: From where?
DONNA: University of Wisconsin.
JOSH: You majored in Political Science and Government?
DONNA: And, uh, Sociology and Psychology.
JOSH: Uh huh.
DONNA: And biology for a while, with a minor in French...
JOSH: Okay.
DONNA: And, uh, drama?
JOSH: You had five majors and two minors in 4 years?
DONNA: 2 years.
JOSH: Okay, listen...
DONNA: I had to drop out. I had to drop out.
JOSH: (he's kinda smirking) Your boyfriend was older than you?
DONNA: I think that question is of a personal nature?
JOSH: (he's smiling) Donna, you were just at my desk, reading my calendar, answering my phone, and hoping that I wouldn't notice that I never hired you. Your boyfriend was older?
DONNA: (her eyes roll towards the ceiling) Yes.
JOSH: Law student?
DONNA: Medical student.
JOSH: And the idea was that you'd drop out and pay the bills till he was done with his residency.
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: And why did Dr. Freeloader break up with you.
DONNA: What makes you think he broke up with me?
JOSH: Donna, this is a campaign for the Presidency, and there's nothing I take more seriously than that. This can't be a place where people come to find their confidence and start over.
DONNA: Why not?
JOSH: I'm sorry?
DONNA: Why can't it be those things?
JOSH: Because...
DONNA: What, is it going to interfere with my typing?
JOSH: Donna, we're picking up today and going to South Carolina. If you want to stay in the Manchester office...
DONNA: I want to come to Charleston.
JOSH: I can't carry you, Donna! I got a lot of guys out there not making the trip.
DONNA: I'll pay my own way.
JOSH: With what?
DONNA: I'll sleep on the floor, I'll sell my car. Eventually, you're going to put me on salary.
JOSH: Donna.
DONNA: (she looks at him earnestly) Look. I think I might be good at this. I think you might find me valuable.
(The phone rings and they look at each other as it rings)
JOSH: Go Ahead.
DONNA: (Donna picks up the phone) Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office. Uh, yes, I think I'm going to have someone from the press office get back to you if it's related to... Yes. Uh, yes.
(Josh takes his badge off his neck and gives it to Donna with a grin)
DONNA: (still on the phone, now wearing a big grin) Yes!
The flashback ends and we see Donna as she watches Josh's surgery through an observation room. She looks on with a concerned look on her face.
--
In another flashback, this time after winning the Illinois primary. Josh is hugging everyone because of their victory when Donna comes up to him.
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: And Donna, you've got to get happy, Donna, you just won the Illinois Primary, come dance with me!
DONNA: No, Josh. No, Josh...your father died.
(Josh stops and stares at her in a state of shock)
Donna walks in and finds out the President is okay, she doesn't know about Josh yet.
Toby: Donna. Josh was hit.
DONNA: Hit with what?
Toby: He was shot--in the chest.
CJ: He's in surgery right now.
DONNA: I don't understand. I don't understand, is -- is it serious?
Toby:Yes, it's critical. The bullet collapsed his lung and damaged a major artery.
(Donna is in shock and as people start to talk she slowly sits in a chair and begins to look dazed.)
Later, Mrs. Landingham is shown seated next to her, her hand over Donna's.