1. My son is under a doctor's care and should
not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She
was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Excuses
Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She
is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few
days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and
misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two
teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was
playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today
because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He
has very loose vowels.
10. Please excuse Tommy for being absent
yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
11. Irving was absent yesterday because he
missed his bust.
12. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his
father's fault.
13. I kept Billie home because she had to go
Christmas shopping because I don't know what size
she wear.
14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school
yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off
the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought
it was Sunday.
15. Sally won't be in school a week from
Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
16. My daughter was absent yesterday because
she was tired. She spent a weekend with the
Marines.
17. Please excuse Jason for being absent
yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
18. Please excuse Mary for being absent
yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
19. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was
having a gangover.
20. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick
and under the doctor.
21. Maryann was absent December 11-16,
because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and
upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and
sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore
throat and fever. There must be something going
around, her father even got hot last night.
22. Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1
- Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious sacrificial
giving ceremony on Indian grounds .
23. My brother used this in real life..."the
only reason that I do bad in school is because I'm
near and far sighted."
24. Please excuse my son from school
yesterday, he has gangrene and cock itch.
25. Please excuse Jackie for not having her
homework she was a little under the weatherman,
and there was a big flurry in Central America.
26. I didn't come to school yesterday because
I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but
thankfully I wasn't!
27. Please excuse my daughter for being late.
Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to
Salem for repairs!
28. I'm sorry but my baby sitter flushed my
homework down the toilet.
29. I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today
because his hormones are raging.
30. I'm sorry I can't come to school today
because I have toemonia!
31. A teacher was wrapping up class, and
started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He
said there would be no excuses for not showing up
tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an
immediate family member's death. One smart ass,
male student said, " What about extreme sexual
exhaustion? ", and the whole classroom burst into
laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the
teacher glared at the student, and said, " Not an
excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
32. My son Michael won't be in school today,
he caught his thing in his zipper this morning
while dressing and is in lot of pain!
33. In my school district and a few around us
we have a senior skip day. The seniors get to take
a day off without being truant. But our new
principal decided to change some rules this year
and made senior skip day a truancy. All we had to
do to make it excused was bring a note from a
parent or doctor or something. So my mom wrote,
"Please excuse my son from being absent, it was
senior skip day," and they accepted it as
excused."
34. Please Excuse Eric from school on May 5th
thru May 19th, he was waiting in line for the new
Star Wars film, you will be happy to know he got
tickets for next September, when he will be
missing another week of school while he waits for
the perfect seat.
35. My mom called my school this morning and
told them that my face was very sunburned and
swollen so I couldn't go to school today or
tomorrow, which is true and they accepted it as an
excused absence.
36. Actually used - by me, the teacher.!! I
am sorry your exams are not all marked. The cat
got jealous as I was marking instead of petting
him and after I went to bed he attacked the test
papers. Those of you missing entire sections will
be credited full marks. If I can see your answer
through the tooth mark holes, I'll mark what you
wrote down.
37. Again - this actually happened to me -
the teacher! Sorry your books are being returned
late - my briefcase was run over in the middle of
the Fraser Highway after it fell from the roof of
my car. I apologize for the tire tracks on some of
your pages. The tire tracks will not detract from
your marks for neatness.
38. Please excuse Casey from school. It was
Take Your Daughter to work day. I don't have a
job, so I made her stay home and do housework.
39. Please excuse my daughter from school
yesterday and P.E. forever. She had a very bad
asthma attach running in P.E. because the coach
made her run too much. Please excuse her from P.E.
even though the doctor says she needs it.
40. For school if you have a worksheet or
something here is one thing you can say: I was
doing my homework like a good little girl (or boy)
and my dad wanted to check it, I gave him the
paper and he forgot that he had it, he got a call
from his boss saying that he had to pack now
because he was going out of town, well he was so
much in a hurry that he packed my homework in his
suitcase, he won't be back for another 3
weeks...does that mean that I can get an
extension?
41. When my husband and I first started
dating, we got this great idea to have a bunch of
us to go on a picnic on this beautiful spring day.
I would have him write the excuse for me and have
him sign my stepfathers name as I had never turned
in an excuse from him and they did not know his
handwriting. After our wonderful day with our
friends picnicking he wrote the note, without
looking at it, I put it in my purse to turn it in
the following morning, which I did first thing I
got to homeroom. After a few minutes the teacher
called me up to her desk. She asked me, "Who wrote
this excuse?" "My stepfather" I replied. "And how
was he feeling when he wrote this?" "OK, I guess."
not knowing what she was getting to. She handed me
the note to read. The note my boyfriend had
written said, Please excuse Sharon for being
absent as she was feeling good yesterday. The
excuse was accepted because they thought I wasn't
stupid enough to hand in an excuse like that if it
wasn't real.
42. For School: Tell your mom this.. Mom, My
stomach hurts. I had diarrhea all night. Now I
feel like I am going to barf. Next day, school
time: I wasn't sick yesterday Mom, can you tell
the school I was home taking care of you when you
were sick?
43. Oh, sorry [teachers name], the cafeteria
food made me delirious.
44. My locker is jammed and I can't get my
homework out of it. I actually used this one.
45. This was actually used- Dear Coach,
(students name) could not make it to the game at
(time of game) because the battery in my car was
dead because my headlights were left on and I
needed a jump from the neighbor. Please excuse
(name), it was my fault.
46. A student does not hand in a paper on
time. The next day she calls me in my office and
says: "I was going to hand the paper in on time,
but yesterday my roommate's horse died, and I had
to stay up all night with her."
47. As a college instructor for 15 years, I
thought I had heard them all until.... a student
told me he could not take an exam one day because
he had a vasectomy yesterday and he could not
think.
48. Al was not in school yesterday because he
was didn't feel like going.
49. Please excuse Ryan's absents he has
smoked too much weed over the last few days and is
extremely tired.
50. My youngest daughter couldn't turn in her
homework because her younger step-brother had
stolen it, filled it in and turned it in to his
teacher to prove how smart he was.
51. True story: My daughter couldn't turn in
her homework because her dad had used it to start
a fire in the wood stove.
52. Actually received at a high school
attendance office: "Johnny was late today because
of a shallow gene pool."
53. I was late for class because the bell
rang before I got here!!
54. I won't be in class because my dog
chipped my tooth.
55. I was absent because I got my head caught
in the power window of the car.
56. My friend actually used this homework
excuse: "I didn't do my homework because of my
eyes.....I couldn't see any reason to do it."
57. I once told a teacher that my dog ate
part of my homework. I was able to provide proof
since I handed in what was left of the paper (for
some reason my dog decided to eat a corner of my
paper).
58. My sister had an incredibly difficult
paper due in an intense class. She also happened
to be house sitting for my aunt. The morning of
her paper's due date, she toiled away endlessly.
After she'd typed everything (remember pre word
processor?) she sorted all the papers on the
floor. Along came my aunt's ill Dalmatian, Love,
who ambled past, fell over and went into full-
blown seizure--blasting diarrhea all over the
floor and *all over the paperwork!* That was her
actual excuse. She offered the instructor the
soiled paperwork.
59. My dog has mistaken my homework for that
GOSH DAMN newspaper.
60. I actually was late for a college class
for this reason. I had to drop my daughter off at
the babysitters (my sister), who lives on a no
outlet road. While I was there a tractor trailer
came back that road hauling a new house trailer to
be put on a lot. While trying to back in the lot,
the rig got stuck! The trailer was blocking the
only road in or out of my sisters house! I felt
like a redneck explaining that to my professor,
but I did make it to another class of his later
that day.
61. One day, after a rough night of studying
for exams, I had forgotten to do my homework for
Chemistry. When the teacher came around to see if
we had the homework done, I told him this excuse:
"I don't have my homework because our family just
got a new paper shredder, and I just had to test
it out, and I accidentally shredded my homework."
It worked! I got off, scott-free!
62. I was late for school 5 days in a row
when I was seven. My excuses were a flat tire four
days in a row, and on the final day, all the
clocks in the house stopped at once, and I was
unable to tell the time.
63. As a University professor I hear too many
excuses, but this I used myself. I'm sorry, my cat
ate your homework. My blind cat likes to chew
things such as hair, string, and especially
staples including the paper around them. One night
when I finished grading a paper, I put it on the
floor until I finished all the grading. When I
looked down at the stack of papers, my cat had
chewed all the stapled corners into a big, icky,
soggy mess. I didn't make the students take their
papers back.
64. I was unable to hand in a final paper in
a college course because I was proofreading it
while holding my infant son who is prone to eating
paper ... he ate my final.
65. I am a principal and received this excuse
about a student who was 2 hours late for school.
Please excuse Henry for being late for school. He
was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet
paper.
66. Oh well ý had a good excuse for not
attending the class but ý forgot so please excuse
me for forgetting my excuse for not attending the
class!
67. My husband wrote an excuse for my son
that read: Please excuse my son for being absent
from school yesterday as he was home sick with the
flue.
68. I used to write my children excuses
stating that they were absent because they had
things like the black plague, bubonic plague,
schoolitis or had to go to historic district to
study history for a authentic history
presentation. Teachers loved them but made kids
mad at me. I did call school with real excuses but
children didn't know.
69. I have written countless notes for my
kids for being absent from school over the years,
but the two I remember best are as follows:
"Please excuse ______ for not turning in his
homework. We just got a new puppy and he ate the
homework. _____ is re-doing the work and will turn
it in tomorrow" (puppy really did eat the
homework) And then: "Please excuse ______ for
being absent yesterday. He didn't feel like going"
(true note. I was fed up with my son trying to get
out of school and making up excuses for him.....so
they got the truth as to his absence)"
70. I really used this excuse at school: "I
was late because when I woke up there was a bat
flying across the ceiling of my bedroom, so I ran
out of my and waited until it flew away!" They
didn't believe me.
71. One of my community college students was
repeatedly late for class with a different excuse
on each occasion. I vowed that one more violation
would result in administrative withdrawal from the
course. When the student appeared 1 1/2 hours
delinquent for lab, I asked what it was this time,
the student replied, "My mother died on the train
this morning on the way to school, so I had to go
to the hospital with her." I asked nothing more.
2. While in high school, friends and I would often
have coffee at Perkins Pancake House through first
period, arriving at school about an hour late. One
day we decided to rub engine oil on our hands and
clothing for a convincing effect, reporting to the
Principal's office that we needed to go home for a
fresh change of clothes before attending class. On
our way back to school several hours later, we in
fact did suffer an automotive breakdown which
caused us to report a second time to the Principal
who refused to believe our explanation and
suspended us for two days.
72. True as it happened to me while at
University. Could not make the test today as I
woke up to find my wedding ring had been thrown
out accidentally while cleaning up my desk. Had to
go to the dump to look for it as I was unable to
catch the garbage truck on its rounds. BTW, I
found the ring!
73. I am sorry I didn't finished my homework
but we visited my Grandfather this weekend and his
house is so old and dirty. Anyway I brought my
homework with me and when I finished it I left it
down on the floor. Unfortunately rats and strange
insects really ate my homework paper and it was
well destroyed. You understand I have to write it
over from the beginning.
74. I could not make it to school today
because my sister went into labor as she was
driving me to school. Enclosed is a picture of my
new baby niece Alexa. (They believed me because
the picture I gave them was of her just coming out
of the birth canal. I didn't mean to give them
that one but they believed me.
75. Teacher: Why do you not have your
homework? Student: My dog ate the disk my homework
was on.
76. Teacher: Why don't you have your home
work? You: I'm leading a protest on tree abuse,
what did the trees ever do to you?
77. I could not turn in my homework because I
was finishing it on the way to school and while
passing a big truck it blew out the window.
78. Please excuse Mindy for being absent
yesterday because she went to the doctors with me
.They did accept it as excused.
79. My Grandma wrote this excuse for my uncle
when he was a sophomore in High School: Please
excuse Ricky from school yesterday. He had spilled
gasoline on his stomach and was afraid he would
explode.
80. Home-work excuses:
1) My sister ate it... (I don't really recommend
you to use it.)
2) I got mugged on the way to school and they took
my Bag with the homework in it. (It actually
works!)
3) I Forgot to take my dog for a walk and he just
[Pissed] on my Homework.
4) My Snake Died and I just wasn't in the mood for
thinking.
5) My baby brother threw up on my home work.
Use these incase you are late to school.
1) I got stuck in the elevator.
2) My Alarm clock didn't work.
3) I had to piss and it just took too long.
4) My mom forgot to wake me up.
5) Didn't You feel The Earthquake?
81. Please excuse my sister/daughter from
school. We told her that her mother is her
grandma, her sister is her mother and daddy is
still daddy this weekend and she hasn't come out
of the bedroom since.
82. My 16 year old stepson got detention the
other day. When my husband asked his teacher what
the problem was, he was told that his son swore
under his breath in the hallway. My husband said
he didn't think that was such a big deal that he
should get detention for it. The teacher agreed,
and said the detention wasn't so much for the
swearing, as it was for his excuse...which was "I
only said Jesus Christ because I saw him standing
there outside the window."
83. Once, we had a mouse in our house, and it
managed to bite a small hole through the bottom of
my backpack and then eat the edges of my chemistry
work. In chemistry the next day, my teacher
noticed it and kidded, "Did you get hungry?" I
laughed, but then she continued, "But, really, do
you have a dog or something?" I've used this for
not having done French homework - it works: "Mon
chien mange` mon travaille." (I can't do the
accents on the pc though). It can be used for
various other languages as well, ex: Spanish - "Mi
perro comio` mi tarea."
84. During my senior year in high school, I
took to skipping my first few classes (sometimes
days). I set a record by skipping my 2nd period
class (Independent Living) for 15 straight school
days. In my school, you needed a note from the
office to get admitted back into class after being
gone. To get a note from the office, to back into
class, you have to provide the office with a note
from your parents. Being male, and not having good
penmanship, I typically relied on my girlfriend to
write my notes. On one particular day, my note
read "Please excuse Robert from school yesterday,
he had a obstetrician appointment". What it was
suppose to say was "Please excuse Robert from
school yesterday, he had an optician appointment".
A number of months later, I was called back into
the office to explain my abundance of absences.
Laid before me, was all the notes that had been
forged, with varying styles of handwriting. Of
particular interest to the counselor, was the
obstetrician note. Needless to say, I found myself
making up some of those missed days of class over
the next few Saturdays. The moral of the story:
Don't let your girlfriend write your notes for
you.
85. Please excuse Dan Druff from school
today. He is having a bad case of Lice.
86. As an attendance clerk at our high school
I hear a lot of them but my all time favorite goes
like this: Why are you late? Well, I was out
trying to save the world from the mad monkeys.
Really? what do you mean? Well, the mad monkeys
were chasing us all over the place so we stopped
and tried to kill the little *!!#*!! This is for
real. Needless to say, it went unexcused but you
have to love the creativity! Especially the way
the two told it, they both got into it and spun a
tale that had us all laughing.
87. This is an excuse I had to use because it
This is a genuine excuse for being late for a late
morning college class. Sorry I am late. I couldn't
get to class sooner because I didn't have anything
acceptable to ware to class. Someone used all the
working driers in the apartment building. It took
too long to blow dry something. they don't want
anyone leaving stuff in the machines besides so I
couldn't just leave.
88. I actually used this once, and believe it
or not, it is not entirely fabricated: I told my
biology teacher that my futon bed broke this
morning while I was sitting up to turn off my
alarm clock. The supports busted and the whole
thing caved in and trapped me inside. Lucky for me
my phone was still on the bed so I could call my
mom to come home from work and rescue me.
89. Someone I know actually used this excuse:
I couldn't do my homework because it got dark
outside.
90. "I didn't hear the bell" I actually used
this one once for being late for Visual Arts.
91. My medical transportation didn't show up
on it's scheduled time > (fake) crying & saying
while I get kicked out of school for this 'cause I
really want to go! < which's is an entire
falsehood on my part but it's believable when I
talked to them. :>)
92. True Story: In 8th grade one morning my
dad left for work long before I woke up and when I
did there was about 3 feet of snow on the ground!
I decided that it was too harsh of weather
conditions to walk 3 1/2 blocks to my bus stop- so
I just stayed home. When the attendance secretary
called me at home around 9:30 I explained the
whole situation to her and told her that the only
way I was coming to school is if she was going to
come pick me up. All she said was "this is the
first and last time your going to do this!"
93. I used this as an excuse when I didn't
come to school for 24 days- "I was walking past
the stairs and this really fat girl rolled down
them and hit me. I broke my 2 rigs, my legs, and
fractured my wrist." The teacher laughed and gave
me an A.
94. Little Johnny was late again, teacher ask
why? Little Johnny said: "It was a sign down the
road." Teacher ask: "What has a sign got to do
with it?" Little Johnny replied: "It said, school
ahead go slow."
95. As a teacher in the local high school, I
had once received a note from a boy in my 10th
grade homeroom. It read: Please excuse John X.
from school this afternoon, he has an appointment
with his gynecologist. Mrs. X. (John's mother)
96. This was used by a lady in my Philosophy
class. She came to class, said she wouldn't be in
that day because after she had parked her car, and
was opening her door, another car came by and
ripped her car door off. (after investigation, it
was discovered to be true)
97. Tell everyone around you about the large
car accident (*wink-*wink) on the road, it cleared
up only as we got to school.
98. Please excuse John for not being in
school yesterday. He had diarrhea - the shits.
99. Overheard in a school office - girl " I
don't have an excuse for being late, but here is
the phone number of the man whose mailbox I
hit...."
100. Sorry, my daughter Heather was not in
school yesterday because we had to put our dog
asleep. he was very old....
