MOTHER: Dear, come away from the window.

LIZ: I can�t help it. I�m so excited. You are going to love Jake.

MOTHER: I�m sure I will, dear. I hope you�ve warned him about your father.

LIZ: (rolls eyes, irritated tone) Yes, Mom. And I�m lucky Jake�s still going to take me out, even after I told him. Dad�s a psycho.

MOTHER: I will admit that your father�s methods are� unusual, but he does have your best interests in mind.

LIZ: Mom, he threatened my last date with an AK-47.

MOTHER: (defensively) It wasn�t loaded.

LIZ: My date didn�t know that.

MOTHER: I think that was the idea, dear.

LIZ: (looking back out the window) It�s a wonder I get any dates at all. Word spreads fast at school.

MOTHER: (looks up from her book) Word of what?

LIZ: A girl with a father who shoots first and gets to know my friends later.

MOTHER: He�s a cop, dear. It�s just how he functions.

LIZ: (angrily) Whatever.

(The doorbell rings. LIZ jumps up, runs her fingers through her hair, and goes to the door)

LIZ: (excitedly) He�s here! (She opens the door) Jake, hi!

JAKE: Hey. (smiles) You ready?

LIZ: As I�ll ever be. I�d like you to meet my mom.

MOTHER: It�s nice to meet you, Jake.

JAKE: It�s a pleasure, ma�am. (looks around nervously)

LIZ: Don�t worry, he�s not here.

JAKE: (smiles nervously) Not right now.

LIZ: It�ll be fine. He�d never follow me around, or spy on me. He only took me to a date in the squad car once.

JAKE: (skeptically) Right.

MOTHER: Have fun, and don�t stay out too late.

(LIZ and JAKE exit.)

(blackout.)

Scene 2: LIZ�S living room. FATHER pokes his head around the door.

FATHER: (whispers) Have they gone?

MOTHER: Yes, Ben, they have. I can�t understand why you do this every time.

FATHER: (self-righteously) I have to make sure the losers my daughter dates are up to scratch.

MOTHER: (confused) Compared to what? They�re high school students.

FATHER: Compared with what she deserves.

MOTHER: (rolls eyes) It�s amazing Liz ever sets foot outside this house.

FATHER: (sincerely) Well, I don�t want to seem too extreme.

MOTHER: (sarcastically) Right.

FATHER: A girl her age needs a little fresh air. (loads up with police paraphernalia; shoulder rig, handcuffs, nightstick, Glock, etc.) I�m off, Patricia. I don�t like this one.

MOTHER: You never do, dear.

FATHER: Hey, you were the one that said, the day Liz was born, that she wasn�t allowed to date until she got married.

MOTHER: That was until I remembered what it was like to be a sixteen-year-old girl.

FATHER: Well, I remember what it was like to be a sixteen-year-old boy. (kisses her cheek) I�ll be back later.

MOTHER: (pleadingly) Please try to behave.

(FATHER grins and exits.)

(blackout.)

Scene 3: A little caf�/coffee house. Dark green ladder-back chairs and overstuffed bean bag chairs are scattered about the interior. There are little cherry wood tables placed around the room. JAKE and LIZ are seated at a table with three chairs down center stage. They face each other, with one chair in between them. They are sipping on white mugs of coffee, and LIZ has a croissant on a napkin in front of her.

JAKE: Are you having a good time?

LIZ: (smiles) I�m having a great time. Better than I usually have. (sardonically) I don�t usually make it as far as actually going on the date.

JAKE: I�ve heard the stories.

LIZ: (rolls eyes) I�m just glad I don�t have any brothers.

JAKE: (sincerely) Me too.

LIZ: So, how come you asked me out, knowing you could get shot on the doorstep?

JAKE: You want the truth?

LIZ: Generally. I find it refreshing.

JAKE: (earnestly) I really like you, Liz. I figured I was man enough to face your dad. I�m just as glad I didn�t have to, though.

LIZ: (blushing) I like you too, Jake.

JAKE: (leaning across the table towards her) Really?

LIZ: (closing the distance between their faces) Really.

(Both kiss either side of FATHER�S face, whose head appears unnoticed between them.)

LIZ: (horrified) Dad!

JAKE: (terrified) Mr. Aberdin!

FATHER: (strict) That�s Officer Aberdin to you. I don�t believe we�ve been introduced, which might explain why you were about to take liberties with my daughter. You didn�t have my permission to kiss her.

LIZ: (to self, is overheard by JAKE) He had my permission. (to FATHER) Daddy, this is Jake Chronchite.

FATHER: (grimly) Pleasure. (shakes JAKE�S hand briefly)

JAKE: (scared, noticing all of FATHER�S police gear) All mine, sir.

FATHER: Have you ever had a polygraph test, son?

JAKE: No, sir.

FATHER: Background check?

JAKE: No, sir.

FATHER: Been fingerprinted?

JAKE: No, sir.

FATHER: AIDS testing?

JAKE: (horrified) Sir!

LIZ: (horrified) Dad!

FATHER: (to LIZ) Hush! (to JAKE) Answer the question.

JAKE: No, sir. Why would I need to be tested?

FATHER: You were about to touch my daughter. Can�t be too careful nowadays.

LIZ: (angry) Oh, good God!

FATHER: Pardon?

LIZ: Daddy, please let me enjoy this date. (vindictively) I don�t get that many.

FATHER: (leans back in chair) Go right ahead. Just pretend I�m not here.

(blackout.)

Scene 4: One hour later. FATHER has his Glock out and is polishing it with a cloth.

JAKE: (whispering) Is he going to just sit there all night?

LIZ: (sighing) He�s not on duty tonight. JAKE: Could have fooled me.

LIZ: Dad, if you�re not going to leave, could you at least not clean the Glock at the table?

FATHER: Have to keep her service ready.

LIZ: (rolls eyes) Oh, good lord.

JAKE: (nervously) Um, you�ve never actually shot someone with that before, have you?

FATHER: (feral grin) Touch my daughter, and you�ll find out first hand.

(JAKE gulps.)

LIZ: (glaring at FATHER) You know, it wouldn�t kill you to leave me alone once in awhile. I�m not going to do anything stupid.

FATHER: (never looking up from the gun) Oh, I trust you, Lizzie. It�s everyone else I don�t trust. (sets the gun down) Ever since your mom and I brought you home from the hospital, I promised myself I�d never let anything happen to you. Now, the only way I can see doing that is to monitor all activity outside the home. What kind of father would I be if I didn�t look out for my baby girl?

LIZ: The kind that doesn�t annoy me?

FATHER: Maybe. But then you might not be safe.

LIZ: (disgusted) Argh! I�ve had enough of this. I�m sorry, Jake, but I just can�t take this anymore. I�ll see you at school tomorrow. (gets up, picks up her purse and stalks out of the caf�, leaving FATHER and JAKE seated at the table.)

JAKE: (grins nervously at FATHER) I guess that�s my cue to go too. (starts to stand)

FATHER: (puts hand on JAKE�S shoulder and pushes him back into his seat) Not so fast. What�s your interest in my daughter?

JAKE: (licks his lips, they�ve gone dry. He seems to be searching for the right answer) Well, sir, to be frank with you, I like her a lot.

FATHER: (suspiciously) Why?

JAKE: (grasping for the right thing to say) She�s cool, sir. She�s smart, she�s funny, and she�s pretty. May I speak freely sir?

FATHER: I suppose.

JAKE: Actually, all the guys really like her. They�re just too afraid of you to ask her out.

FATHER: And you�re not afraid of me? (fixes JAKE with a hawk like look)

JAKE: No, sir, I�m terrified of you. But I�m willing to jump through some hoops for Liz.

FATHER: Oh, you�ll be jumping through hoops, all right. You are free to go. (JAKE exits hastily) Oh yes, you�ll be jumping through many hoops.

(curtain.)

Scene 1: LIZ�S locker. There is a long row of uniform metal grey lockers, interspersed with the occasional classroom door. Students pass by every once in a while on the way to class. LIZ is crouched on the floor, picking up books for her next class. Beside her stands her friend MARTA.

MARTA: (leaning up against the locker next to LIZ�S) So, how did your date with Jake go last night?

LIZ: (angrily) Go? How did it go? Oh, I�ll tell you how it went�

MARTA: (winces) Did your dad keep you from going again?

LIZ: (ranting) Oh, no, I got to go on it this time. But I�m not allowed to enjoy a night out alone with a guy. No, my dad has to play the nineteenth century chaperone. And as if that weren�t bad enough, he has to do it while fully armed. (throwing books from last class into the locker one at a time) And just to add to the romantic mood of the evening, he decides to clean his gun right in front of Jake. I mean, it wasn�t loaded or anything, but still, what will people say? He started giving Jake the third degree, asking him if he�d gotten a polygraph and all these other weird tests done on him. He even had the nerve to ask if Jake had been tested for STDs! I almost died right there!

MARTA: What did you do?

LIZ: I got so mad, I finally just left.

MARTA: You left Jake with your dad?

LIZ: (regretfully) Probably not the wisest decision in the world, but I just couldn�t stand to be around my dad anymore, and I knew that if I made Jake come with me, my dad would just follow us. Remember what happened when I went out with Chris?

MARTA: Oh yeah, that was the time your dad decided where you were both going, and decided on a trip to the lock-up in the sheriff�s office, right?

LIZ: Yep. And do you remember what happened with Adam?

MARTA: (shudders) Best left forgotten� You never went on that date�

LIZ: Most guys don�t want to be the target at the firing range. And do you remember the Mark fiasco?

MARTA: Didn�t your dad take you guys to the movie theatre in the squad car?

LIZ: Yeah. While he was wearing his uniform. And he made Mark ride in the back seat.

MARTA: Where the criminals have to sit?

LIZ: Yeah, with the doors that don�t open from the inside. People still think I got Mark arrested for something. And he won�t even look at me, much less talk to me anymore. (pulls out books for next class, stands, and slams locker door shut)

MARTA: (looking over LIZ�S shoulder) Well, I think Jake is still talking to you, �cause here he comes.

JAKE: Hey, Liz. (looking at her shyly.)

LIZ: Hey, Jake. What�s up?

JAKE: Even with your dad hovering over us all night, I still had a good time.

LIZ: (breathless) Really?

JAKE: (smiling) Yeah. I was wondering if maybe�

LIZ: Yeah?

JAKE: If maybe you�d sit with me at lunch today.

LIZ: (grinning) I�d love to! (looks at her watch) Oh! The bell�s about to ring! (kisses JAKE�S cheek) I�ll see you at lunch!

(MARTA and LIZ exit, leaving JAKE standing rooted to the spot, unable to believe that LIZ has kissed him. Bell rings, and JAKE exits at a run.)

(blackout.)

Scene 2: Nighttime. LIZ�S kitchen. There is a Formica table with three matching chairs in the middle of the room, and a fridge, sink, and stove are lined up beneath a curtained window. LIZ sits in one chair, her MOTHER across from her. LIZ has an apple and a glass of water in front of her, and MOTHER has a blue mug of coffee.

LIZ: (animatedly) It was so incredible, Mom. Even after Dad tried to screw it up, Jake still likes me, and he told me at lunch today that he really wants to be my boyfriend! I told him of course, that we�d have to have a couple more dates before we became official, just so Dad can see we�re not rushing into anything. But just imagine! A guy wants to be my boyfriend! (takes a bite of the apple)

MOTHER: That�s wonderful, dear. He seems like such a nice boy. It�s such a shame that your father had to give him a ticket.

LIZ: (aghast) What??

MOTHER: Yes, I�m afraid your father pulled him over this afternoon. Apparently he had an air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror. And he was also going five miles over the speed limit.

LIZ: This is insane! It has got to stop!

MOTHER: Liz, your father was just trying to uphold the law. It�s his job.

LIZ: It�s his job to go after the real lawbreakers! He�s not supposed to use his badge to harass the guys I want to go out with! He wouldn�t have bothered to pull over anybody else for going five over.

MOTHER: (patiently) It�s an officer�s prerogative.

LIZ: To hell with his prerogative!

MOTHER: Watch your mouth.

LIZ: (freaking out) I can�t stay in this house anymore. I just can�t. Every aspect of my life is monitored and controlled. The only friend I�ve ever had a say in is Marta, and that�s because we�ve been friends since kindergarten. Dad never found her threatening. I have to leave. (stands, MOTHER tries to stop her ) No, I have to get out of here. I can�t take this anymore!

MOTHER: Young lady, you will stay in this house until you have talked to your father. Is that clear?

LIZ: Mom, every guy I�ve ever tried to go out with, Dad has done something to scare him away, or make them think I grew up in the loony bin! He has to control every situation that I meet a guy in. You say he�s protecting me, but he�s making my life miserable! This is the last straw!

MOTHER: (firmly) Just the same, you are not to leave until you talk to him.

LIZ: Fine! (exits off in a huff, stomping as she goes)

(blackout.)

Scene 3: Half an hour later. LIZ�S bedroom. She is sitting cross-legged on a twin bed with a pink floral coverlet, and frilly pillows. A large white teddy bear sits up against the pillows, wearing a pink sweater bearing the words �Daddy�s Little Girl.� She has curtains to match her comforter, as well as a matching border around her ceiling. Beside her bed is a desk covered with schoolbooks, and right on the bed is a pretty blue telephone, the receiver of which is in her hand. She is obviously upset, and a box of tissues is by her knee. There are several crumpled tissues about her.

LIZ: (crying) Marta, I swear I can�t take this anymore! He gave Jake a bunch of tickets for stupid things he wouldn�t have pulled anybody else over for! (pause) Five miles over is not a reasonable cause! (pause) Yeah, I know he�s my dad, what�s that got to do with anything? (pause) Of course I love my dad, but right now I hate him more than anything else. (pause) You know he�s tried to control my life since I got to high school. (pause) Yes, I know we�ve had our good times. But I�ve grown up some. He�s taken this �daddy�s girl� thing too far. (pause) I�ve got to get out of this madhouse. (pause) She says I can�t leave until I�ve at least talked to him. (pause) There�s nothing to discuss. (pause) Like what? (pause) What do you mean, why he�s doing this? Isn�t it obvious? He hasn�t accepted that �daddy�s girl� is growing up, and wants to be someone else�s girl too. (pause) The only way I can see to make him understand that is to leave. (pause) I can stay with you? Thanks, that means a lot to me. And Mom won�t worry if I�m with you. (pause) Ok, I�ll be over soon. Thanks, Marta. Bye. (hangs up.)

(curtain.)

Scene 1: Kitchen, morning. MOTHER and FATHER are sitting across from each other. FATHER is in his uniform, and has the newspaper opened to the metro section. In front of him is a white mug bearing the words �#1 Dad.� MOTHER is in her bathrobe, and has her blue coffee mug and a bagel in front of her. She is reading the funny pages.

FATHER: (without looking up from his paper) Where is Liz this morning? She�s usually dressed and half finished with breakfast by now.

MOTHER: Why don�t you go check on her, dear? Maybe she�s not feeling well.

FATHER: (finishes reading an article, folds the paper, and stands) Maybe so. I�ll be right back. (exits. MOTHER continues to read the funnies. 5 minutes later, FATHER reenters.) She�s gone.

MOTHER: (disbelieving) What?

FATHER: (dumbstruck) She�s gone. All I found was this on her desk. (holds up a slip of pink notebook paper.)

MOTHER: (stands, and reaches for it) Here, let me see what it says. �Dear Mom and Dad: I am leaving you this note to tell you that I am going to be at Marta�s for a few days. I love you both very much (though right now, I�m not too sure about Dad), but I can�t stand to have my life controlled as strictly as Dad has been doing the last few years. I�m not a bad kid, and I have never given either of you any reason not to trust me, or the decisions I make for myself. I know I am only sixteen, and that some decisions you still have to make for me. But you have to trust that I can make good choices concerning my friends. Until Dad realizes that I�m not a little girl anymore, and can give me some control of my own life, I can�t stay in the same house with him. I�m sorry. Love, Liz.� Oh, Ben. She�s run away from home. (collapses in her chair)

FATHER: (blankly) She hates me.

MOTHER: (head in her hands, frustrated) Oh don�t be ridiculous. She doesn�t hate you.

FATHER: (not paying attention) She ran away from home because she can�t stand me� All I was trying to do was keep her from throwing away her time and emotions on guys that weren�t worth the effort� It was all for her�

MOTHER: Shouldn�t you let her decide whether or not a guy is worth the effort?

FATHER: (looks at MOTHER, and picks up his gun off the table and slides it into his holster) I can�t deal with this now. I have to go to work. (kisses her cheek. he picks up his mug, and is about to drink when he sees the words on it. It visibly upsets him. He sets it back down without taking a sip, and exits.)

(blackout.)

Scene 2: Midmorning, LIZ�S locker. LIZ and MARTA are standing together in front of the open locker as LIZ gets her books for class. LIZ has a tired look on her face, and her clothes are somewhat rumpled, as if she had slept in them.

MARTA: You�ve got to go home.

LIZ: (tired grin) Worn out my welcome already? It�s only been one night.

MARTA: You know that�s not true. This just isn�t good for you. I mean, you�ve only been away from home for a night, and you�re already falling apart. And what if this doesn�t prove your point? What if your life just gets worse because of this?

LIZ: It�s a risk I have to take. Dad has to understand that he can�t control everything. I have to be free to make some of my own decisions.

MARTA: (sighs) Well, here comes one of your decisions. (JAKE walks up to LIZ and gives her a hug.)

JAKE: You ok?

LIZ: Yeah, I guess. I wish I hadn�t have had to something this drastic, but there was nothing else I could do.

JAKE: Well, do you want to take advantage of the fact that your dad won�t be chaperoning and go to the movies with me tonight? (LIZ looks at MARTA)

LIZ: Do you think that�ll be ok with your parents?

MARTA: (shrugs) Sure. I mean, as long as you don�t stay out late, it shouldn�t be a big deal. I�ll call at lunchtime just to double check though.

LIZ: (looks at JAKE) You�re on, then. (smiles) I�ll finally get to know what it�s like to go on a normal, dad-free date.

(blackout.)

Scene 3: Nighttime, the movie theatre. LIZ and JAKE sit next to each other, a tub of popcorn in LIZ�S lap.

LIZ: (whispering) There�s nobody in here tonight.

JAKE: (in a low voice) I know, but I don�t mind. I like that we�re alone.

LIZ: (whispering) Me too. Three�s a crowd.

JAKE: (looking intently at LIZ) You know I really like you, Liz.

LIZ: (still watching the movie) Yeah.

JAKE: And you really like me.

LIZ: Yeah.

JAKE: I�ve asked if I can be your boyfriend.

LIZ: Yeah.

JAKE: You said you wanted to wait until we�d had another date to decide.

LIZ: (looks at JAKE) Yeah.

JAKE: (leans in close to her) Have you decided?

LIZ: (leaning towards him) Maybe� I have to check something first. (kisses him. Their arms wrap around each other, and the kissing gets more intense. Suddenly, JAKE�S hand touches LIZ�S breast, and she pushes the hand away. The hand wanders lower, and LIZ leaps up from her seat, enraged. The popcorn spills everywhere) What do you think you�re doing?

JAKE: I thought you said you liked me.

LIZ: So?

JAKE: So, I thought that meant you wanted me to touch you.

LIZ: Not like that.

JAKE: Oh, come on, don�t be like this. Sit down, and we�ll go back to watching the movie. We shouldn�t begin our relationship with a fight anyways.

LIZ: What relationship? We don�t have a relationship.

JAKE: But you kissed me. That means something.

LIZ: It doesn�t mean you can feel me up. I may not have much experience in relationships, but I do have some moral standards.

JAKE: When you kiss a guy, you have to realize that it�s going to go somewhere.

LIZ: Not unless I say so. This date is over.

(FATHER enters)

FATHER: Yes, it is.

LIZ: (shocked, surprised) Dad? (JAKE just sits in his seat, unable to move.)

FATHER: You heard my daughter. The date is over. (Gets right up in JAKE�S face, their noses are maybe an inch apart, threatening voice) Am-scray. (Indicates that he is carrying the Glock. JAKE beats his retreat.)

LIZ: What are you doing here?

FATHER: I went to Marta�s to find you, so we could talk, and she told me you were here. (sees the angry look on LIZ�S face) Don�t be upset with her. She had no choice. Nobody can resist the law. (smiles warmly) I saw what happened.

LIZ: Why didn�t you stop it yourself?

FATHER: You said you could make your own choices about your friends. I wanted to see if you made the right decision without my interference. I�m proud of you.

LIZ: Does this mean you�ll let me decide who I can go out with?

FATHER: (smiles) Yes. But I�m still going to threaten them with a shotgun at the door. If they can�t take a joke, I�ve saved you the trouble of finding out if they�re worthless. (winks)

LIZ: Oh, Dad. (is smiling)

FATHER: You have to understand. You�re my little girl. I�m always going to want to protect you. And I�m always going to try. (puts an arm around her) We�re just going to have to work together to make sure we don�t step on each other�s toes as often as we have been. Before now, I�ve wanted the guys to date Officer Dad first before they were allowed to get anywhere near my baby girl. I know it seems like I�ve been controlling your life, but I just wanted the very best for you. I�ve always wanted the best for you, since the day you were born. And let�s face it, there�s no boy on this earth who�s good enough for you. But between us, maybe we�ll find one that comes close. And when that day comes, I�ll trust you to recognize him on your own. (kisses her forehead)

LIZ: (a tear in her eye) Let�s go home.

(they exit, arm in arm)

(curtain)