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| **Updated** July 9th 2005 |
| Interview Saturday 9th July 2005 Boyfriends? I'm at the point of my life now where I'm happy with myself. I've attained what I've strived for and been one sighted for so long that I'm now ready to have a partner. Comfort in guys is a part of my life that has ALWAYS been neglected. I think I've had to accept myself first before I could handle anyone else. A partner brings his own issues and emotions into your head, not to mention schedule. For the past 4 years I've been able to concentrate on nothing but my work. I was and still am a career woman. I think the emotions and victimisation of high school has made me feel worthless and I've spent ever since working in determination of proving, primarily to myself, that I am worth loving and am an amazing person who shouldn't feel ashamed of my flaws. I accept and respect others for theirs. I think it took something like Harry to open my eyes and see what I've been dismissing because of my stubbornness to prove that I am a success and something to be proud of. I guess I thought I was never good enough for anyone to be with and I've realised that there's great people out there who can see the beauty in me which I've blighted. I guess I dismiss my attractiveness but I finally understand myself enough to know that I'm a beautiful person inside and that I'm ready to share my life with someone. Friends? I've never had many friends. I've had people I know but the incredible friends who can sense how I feel by my eyes are a rarity. Because I am such a defensive person I don't have many close friends and those that i have can be counted by the fingers on one hand. Those that care about me so much I'm blessed to have in my life. I think there's only 2 people who can see through my facade and I wish I had their insight. That way I could care for others in the way they care for me. I feel that most people, even those who care for me alot, only see the person I want them to see. It's refreshing to be with those 2 people - one knows my history. She was my 'life saver' in high school and the other just needs my eyes. It's hard for me to trust others and not take them on first judgement. I've been betrayed by so many friends in the past, I guess I'm scarred. I believe I'm loyal to my friends, but sometimes I don't want to see them. It's not because I don't love them, it's just because I need my alone space. That usually happens when I'm working things out in my head. Family? I state my family as my wonderful Gran and my Duracell Mum. My Dad and brother are just people who live in the same house. I don't even know them. Mum summed Jamie and me up in one sentence which made me chuckle, "I've got two kids. One's a rebel and the other isn't quite all there!".Guesses for which I was... I could talk on this subject forever, but I think the basics have been said. Let's just say, as a word, 'Family' tightens my heart and I feel nothing but resentment. What are your future aspirations? I'd like to graduate university with a Grade 1 or 2:1. I'd like to be driving around in a Puma listening to good music. I'd like to record my own album. I'd like to have a photo shoot. I'd like to act again. I'd like to play drums and guitar - with a shred of decency. I hope I take a risk and finally find someone I can share my life with and who'll buy me coffee. I'll know when I've met him. I hope my career is successful. Currently that is not the most important thing I am focussed on at the moment. Most importantly, I hope Mum and Dad sort their lives out. Either separation, divorce or whatever. Lord knows, it's screwed me and Jamie up. Part One Part Two Part Three |