On the Fourth of November of the Year of Our Lord One-Thousand Nine-Hundred and Eighty-Three, a lovely little girl was born to a family on earth. She was named Rebekkah Leah, after the people in the Bible of whom her father liked. Everyone �ooohed� and �ahhhed� at her cuteness. One day, she became conscious�
I was a cute little blue-eyed baby girl, and then one day I grew up. I attended school like every other child, and I excelled at it, but my mind always gave way to fancy and daydreams. (As a side note, I am a writer, which would account for some of the content found in this autobiography.) I lived a relatively normal life, until I reached high school. In my sophomore year of high school, a conspiracy graced my life. It was the second attempt of the take over of the world by some aliens. According to a couple of my friends, microscopic aliens had come on an alien spaceship in the form of my boyfriend at the time (these friends happened to not like him very much). Then I became ill, and they believed the following had happened. Somehow, when I wasn�t looking, the aliens built an amusement park inside my body. They drained batteries for power, storing the energy in my left wrist. These aliens were part of the �Second Coming,� because their first attempt at world domination had failed. The original ship carrying the microscopic aliens was one of the teachers at a nearby school, who was exiled to earth. She now is very bitter and torments the students in that school�s band. This story went on a long time and, nowadays, I have a large extended family of friends. In this complex network of relations, all created by myself, I am the center of the universe, but I�m also known as a mineral. This all came about one day from a song I had learned to perform in the NJ Renaissance Festival in my hometown. This song described the marrying off of three sisters. Well, you�ll have to take this with a grain of salt, or you�ll become utterly confused. Since I am half Asian, I�ve become friends with a number of other half Asians in the school. We�ve all grown very close, so we decided to form our own little adopted family. This family included myself, my sister, the Harts, and the Goldins. Yes, it is true that Peter is also one of our friends, and is also half Asian, so why is he not in this family? Well, this is because he was dubbed my wife (titles have nothing to do with the actual sex of the person). Along the way, I have acquired seven wives (I think), who are mostly all intermarried and are titled vegetables within their little conclave. One of my wives in particular, Stacy, has a flower, aka my sister, Melissa. To Melissa, Stacy is her shrubbery; while another of my friends, Susan, is my sister�s woodchips. I also have one ex-wife, who went into celibacy after the divorce, and is now my priest (this wife being male and all). I have four pets, one of which is my husband. I also have an ex-husband. To complete the family, I have nine children. These children are all adopted one is a sophomore boy, another a junior girl, then another junior girl, and yet another one, a sophomore girl, another is a stick figure wire person, known as Bob, another is a little troll from Norway in Epcot, and the alien twins, Onirari and Pob. Now, since I obviously have either too much free time on my hands or a really overactive imagination, I must have a foe of some kind. One of my adopted brothers, Ted, is my archnemesis, who wishes me to call him my god, but that will never happen. I am protected from my archnemesis by my other adopted brother, Ed, who is my yojimbo (Japanese for something like a bodyguard). Hana, my adopted sister, is Ed�s orange. Needless to say, my life exists on a very amusing plane, but in reality, I�m just enjoying the little time I have to do stuff. If anyone has an objection to that, too bad, find your own way to amuse yourselves. I know this autobiography is a little out there, but this what I enjoy doing, and it�s probably more entertaining than listening to me talk about band, my other hobby. :)