My Mind-Bipolar (2)
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
This one may take a few days. I have some rage, within me, that I can't seem to clear myself
of. A lot dates back to my childhood years. Some dates back to my young adult years. Then
there is newer rage, dating to my younger old years to my now old years. Most of it seems
stem from my mother.
Put it this way, somehow, it all leads to mom and whatever the hell is wrong with her that
makes her be such a cold-hearted woman - towards me, anyhow. My sister has a totally
different mom than I have, yet the mom is the same person. I guess I have the manic bitch mom
and my sister has the depressed to ok mom. However I describe it, it all boils down to, I have
the crappy mom and my sister has the good mom.
Where do I even begin? Just so much crap. I would start with the most recent but the most
recent is a stem from a rage from my younger old years. I have to concentrate to try to put
this into words without getting lost in the pile of manure. This is going to be so long, I
don't think I will bother with breaking it up with graphics, unless a graphic enters my mind
that fits something I have said.
I don't even feel much like concentrating on making sure my words come out all perfect, even,
just so, on the page. I will try to keep it neat but it does get very exhausting with constantly
checking to see if everything is looking just so. Not that anyone is going to read this, but
myself, but even for myself, everything has to be just so perfect. It drives me insane, if it is
not just right.
I am alreay tired, just from typing out this much. It isn't like I am goin to forget anything,
if I stop now and come back to this later. It is just a matter of trying to keep it all in order.
I am very tired, so I will stop, for now. I will continue this, later.
I will add and finish with, I chose a dark background for this page, because it is to depict
the rage that is within me. Deep, dark, gloomy rage. It follows me, all of my life.
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