Women's Compact Instruction Booklet
1.  Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the 
    house was spotless.
2.  Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3.  Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
4.  What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?  You shut the door.
5.  So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
6.  If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all
    there.
7.  Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
8.  Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out
    alone.
9.  The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't
    dance or buy  drinks.
10. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
11. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is 
    unquestionably gay.
13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can
    tell  them apart.
14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to
    make some woman miserable.
15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself 
    types.
16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are
    too  old for it.
17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. 
    Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
    checkbooks.
21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright,  I'll
    stay the  night."
22. Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even 
    bother to have lunch with.
23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it 
    means you laugh at his.
24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just
    practicing.
25. Sadly, all men are created equal.
26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be, you look 
    familiar."
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Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

10.  Her term of affection for you is "You Bastard."
 
9.  She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep.
 
8.  She rushes  to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it
    down with a hushed,  "I can't talk now... I'll call you later."
 
7.  Your picture on her wall has darts in it.
 
6.  She reads books like "Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete 
    Assholes."
 
5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While she's giving it. 

4.  When you call her, she answers your voice with, "Oh. It's only you."
 
3.  She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank.
 
2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program.
 
 And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks...

1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward
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Top Ten answers men would love to give to women's stupid questions:

 
1. No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that fucking
   ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You've got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won't be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your fucking friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking
   to you after tonight.
9. I'd rather watch a porno.
10. Eat it??? It took me ten beers to get up the courage to fuck it.