What do you have when you have 2 balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
  
Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.
 
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
 
Men can't stand calling a repairman. If a man says, "I'm going to fix
this thing if it kills me," the only thing you can do is shoot him.
  
Men should not have babies. Unless they can, drink it, drive it, or
display it, they won't take care of it.
 
Men carry their brains lower than women do, so when they're
scratching their crotches, they're not being gross.....they're thinking.
 
Don't treat a man like a child. Get a dog. Treat the dog like a
child, treat your man like a dog, and everybody's happy.
 
Don't make the mistake of falling in love with a man's potential
because you think you can change him. The problem is, they don't make 
personality implants.
  
Turning on a man is like cooking a souffle. Sometimes it rises, and
sometimes you just have to call out for Domino's
 
Men have sex like they drive: they're always in a hurry and they pull
out before you're ready.
 
Men treat women like VCRs. They never follow the directions so they
don't know how to turn them on
 
When you want your boyfriend to play with you, wear a full-length black
nightgown with buttons all over it. Sure it's uncomfortable. But it
make you look just like his remote control.