The white-faced judge with straggly red hair bit the end off his pipe and patted himself on the head.
The young man, tall and skinny, grabbed hold of the leg of the chair on the table and pulled it down on top of him. Immediately the men of the jury wrote something down on their pads. "You have been accused," said the judge, in a slow, heavy voice, "of crime," his voice fading as he said this.
"I deny it, your honest," said the young man, extricating himself from the five legs of the chair, which had wrapped themselves around him.
"Case dismissed then," murmured the judge, pulling a banana out of his pocket. He then bit the end off it, without removing the peel, and threw it to the ground, where it splattered into a big mess of squashed muck.
"I object, your honour," said a big man with a square head, and walked towards the judge's bench, slipped over the squashed banana, and landed on his flat face.
"Remove the prisoner!" called out the judge. Six people jumped up and grabbed the man with the square face, picked him up and hurled him out the door.
"The prisoner is this young man," said the judge, pointing at the tall man who was finally free of the chair. A little dwarf-like man came up, took hold of his left hand and led him out of the room, while the judge left his seat, picked up the little chair and took it back to his desk, holding it up in the air. As the dwarf came back past the desk, the judge smashed the chair down onto his head, and grinned at the jury.
"Guilty!" called out the jury, in unison, at which point a man with a machine gun stood up and fired it at the dwarf, who was already dead on the floor.
"I now pronounce you man and wife," said the judge, pressing a button. The dwarf disappeared through a trapdoor which opened underneath him, and closed a few seconds later.
"Next case!" called the judge, biting another piece off his pipe. The tall young man was led in again and this time told to sit on the floor with his legs crossed, the chair having been broken.
"I now pronounce you man and wife," said the judge, pressing a button, and then disappeared through a trapdoor which opened up underneath him. A moment later he fell down from a hole in the ceiling, landing on his head. He picked himself up and returned to his desk, a little shaken.
"Call the first witness!" said the judge.
There was a silence, and then the accused man called out, "First witness!" and two men stood up and walked to the witness box. One of them said to the tall young man, "Where were you on the night of the seventeenth of March?"
"I don't know," he replied.
"You're lying!" screamed the judge.
The man with the machine gun stood up and shot the witness who had spoken. The other one turned to the judge and asked, "What is today's date, please your honour?"
"The sixteenth of March," said the judge, looking into his half-eaten pipe.
"Then I have a dental appointment," said the witness.
"Call the first dentist!" said the judge.
The accused called out, "First dentist!" and a man with a pair of pliers walked up to him.
"Say aargh!" he said. The young man opened his mouth, and the dentist yanked out his top row of teeth with the pliers.
"Wrong man," said the judge. "Your patient is in the witness box."
The dentist swore and turned to the trembling witness. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked, smashing the patient in the teeth with the pliers.
"Where were you on the night of the fifteenth of January?" demanded the judge.
"Extracting teeth, your honour," replied the dentist.
"On the fifteenth of January!??"
"I deny it your honour!"
"I second the motion!" called out the accused, his mouth bleeding.
"I object!" called out the man with the machine gun and shot the judge. Immediately the accused man walked up to the judge and jumped up and down on his body.
"Guilty!" screamed out the jury. "We sentence the dentist to a hundred and ninety-nine years at the building.
There was a sudden hush. Through the window the dentist could see the big grey building, standing out against the sky.
"No! Never!" yelled the dentist, and extracted his own teeth, while the surviving witness removed a banana from the dead judge's pocket, hurling it into the top left hand corner of the room, where it splattered against the wall. Suddenly an ambulance rushed through the door, two men jumped out with a stretcher, peeled the squashed banana off the wall, put it on the stretcher and carried it to the ambulance. The man with the machine gun killed the front bearer, and then disappeared through a triangular trapdoor, falling into a pond full of blood.
"Guilty!" screamed the jury, and began to cut each other's throats.
A janitor wandered into the room, glanced at the pieces of dead flesh everywhere, and then swept up the mess caused by the first banana. On his way out he tripped and broke his neck, falling with his face on the mashed banana, whispering to himself the words, "I die happy."