| She went into the bathroom, gathered up all the medications there, as well as medications in the cabinet outside the bathroom, and carried them back into the living room. She settled down once again in front of the television. now that the decision had been made it was easy, and seemed the only thing to do. Staring blankly at the television she took first one bottle of the various medication she'd grabbed, then a second, and a third. When all were empty she glanced around, uncertain what to do now, then realized that she didn't want to be found in her living room, and removed herself to the bedroom. Somewhat at peace for the moment, she lay down on the bed, ready for sleep to take her quietly into death. It didn't happen that way. She didn't slip immediately into sleep as she had hoped. Instead she lay there carrying on a conversation with voicies that weren't real. Creatures ran around on the wall, as if for her entertainment, but she didn't care. She couldn't concentrate on them. Through the confusion her mind had become as a result of the pills a faint sense of alarm ran through her, telling her that perhaps she hadn't thought this through enough. pershaps she shoul dseek help. Uncertain what she should do she got to her feet. Or rather tried to get to her feet. Her legs buckled, dumping her onto the ground. her efforts to get back into bed failed her, and she remained on the floor. Sleep finally took her over. A plain white wall met her eyes when she opened them. She was extremely uncomfortable. Her nose bothered her, and she tried to rub at it, hoping to relieve the discomfort that way, but her arms wouldn't move. She turned her head to looak at her arms, and found that they were tied to the bed. "Glad to see you awake," A strange voice said. Tammy turned her head to see who spoke. She found herself looking at a somewhat short woman. "Do you konw where you are?" The woman asked. Tammy looked around her surroundings slowly, swallowing against a dryness in her throat. It took awhile for the realization of her location to work it's way through her confusion. The woman answered her own question before Tammy could. "You're in the ICU and County Hospital," The woman studied her carefully. Tammy closed her eyes and slipped back into sleep. When she woke again there was a different woman standing next ot her bed, changing an IV bag. Tammy still felt extremely uncomfortable. "Morning" the new woman said. "I'm Nancy, your nurse this morning." "I have to go to the bathroom," Tammy said, glad that the confusion was gone. "You have a catheter in," Nancy said. "Unfortunately the feeling that you have to go will be there until it's removed." She finished with the IV bag. "Do you know where you are?" "The hospital," Tammy replied, squirming slightly to try to relieve some of the discomfort. She vaguely remembered anothe woman asking her that same question. "Do you know why you're here?" Tammy swallowed quickly, trying to work up some moisture in her throat. "It must be because I took some pills, but how did I get here? Nobody knew i did that." The woman who'd been there when Tammy first woke stepped into the room, talking briefly with nancy. She smiled quickly at Tammy. Stepping out of hte room the woman stated "At least she's talking to you. wouldn't say a word to me." Tammy looked ater her briefly. Of course I didn't say anything, you didnt' give me a chance. "You came to the emergency room yesterday afternoon in an ambulance," Nancy answered the question Tammy had asked a short while ago. "An ambulance? But nobody knew!" "A friend of yours came over to check on you," Nancy replied. "She called the ambulance." "Why am I tied down?" Tammy asked "You kept trying to pull out the tubes." "Can you untie me?" "The doctor will be here shortly, you can ask him about that. So what happened?" Tammy looked back at the wall. "I took a bunch of pills, and i guess somebody found me." "Were you trying to kill yourself?" A couple tears flowed as Tammy thought back over the previous day. "Yes, that was the idea." "Why?" More tears flowed, and she kept quiet. "Have you tried this before?" "Never tried anything like this before!" Tammy stated, turning her head back fromt he wall to look at Nancy. "I guess there was just toom uch on my mind at once or something." "Are you still feeling like hurtin gyourself?" "I feel like such an idiot!" Tammy said. "I don't think that this is something I would try again, especially given how uncomfortable i am right now." "Well, i'll tell the doctor you would like to be unrestrained. The decision is his to make." Nancy stook in the doorway until a young man arrived. The young man settled himself into a chair in the corner, and pulled out a book. "Hello, I'm Harold, i'll be keeping you company for awhile." "I don't need any company, thank you," Tammy responded, uncertain what else to say. "Well, i'm here anyway. If you need anything let me know." She dozed off an on, until a middle aged man entered her room. His id badge identified him as Dr. Kellwitz. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Tired mostly, very uncomfortable. I would like to be untied, and perhaps have the catheter removed. I'm really very uncomfortable," Tammy replied. Still feel like hurting yourself?" |
 |
| Back |
 |
| Continue |