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Band Bio
In the early years, Nathan was a pirate. He and his ship of scallywags would sail from land to land in search of treasure, women, and men to fight. Nathan smelled very bad. All pirates do. Well, Jack Sparrow probably smelled nice because Johnny Depp is a very attractive man. Anyway, after awhile, Nathan grew tired of pulverising villages. He felt out of place. He began to write a series of depressing plays about a boy named Spanky who cried and fell down a lot. These plays helped express the pain he was feeling. When he gathered a cast, he performed these plays for the rest of the pirate crew. The pirates thought Nathan was a sissy. One dark and stormy night, Nathan was sailing Lake Michigan when there was a mutiny and he was marooned on nearby land. Later that night, he stumbled upon 3 other ugly dudes...
In the early years, Derek was a scientist from the year 3000. That doesn't make any sense because the year 3000 is in the future and would not be considered "the early years". Anyway, in the later years, Derek was a scientist. He was constantly coming up with inventions such as the toothbrush, the doorknob, and the slinky. He was very depressed since all of his inventions were invented very very late and, in fact, were not inventions at all because they were already invented over 1000 years ago. What Derek did not know was that these 3 inventions were the key to time travel. One dark and stormy night, Derek was brushing his teeth, playing with a slinky, and opening a door at the same time when he was sent back in time and stumbled upon 3 other ugly dudes...
In the early years, Ben was an elf from the North Pole. He resented his position in the social status in the North Pole. He hated making lots of toys in a sweat shop for that evil bearded man. Just because he was an elf didn't mean he could be taken advantage of by a jolly fat man. Ben felt that the working environment discriminated against elves and he wished he lived in America where they had labor laws. When Santa banned elf unions, it was the last straw. One dark and stormy night, Ben hopped onto a flying reindeer and yelled, "N�n nem-fin asca harad!" (elvish for "My nose-hair rushes south!"). He flew south until he stumbled upon 3 other ugly dudes...
In the early years, Derrick was a unicorn in an enchanted forest. Derrick was the only unicorn in the forest. All the horses laughed and called him names like "cone head" and "horny horse". Derrick spent many lonely nights crying unicorn tears. "Why must I be so horny?" he asked himself aloud. He was talking about the horn on his head, of course, not what you're thinking. One dark and stormy night, the wizard of the enchanted forest heard his crying. He decided to turn Derrick into an ugly guy. The mysterious wizard raised his staff and the world around Derrick soon blurred. When the blur settled, Derrick stumbled upon 3 other ugly dudes...
by Nathan
Click here for the REAL (and more boring) bio of Raw Deal
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