I am still working on certain aspects of myself. Trying not to lose myself in some guy. I have found it easier to lose myself emotionally in a relationship then to deal with myself and fix those things with in me that need fixing. Well, I am growing up finally and have realized that to respect myself I must be myself and not allow people to treat me in a manner that makes me unhappy. I also realize that the giving of what I have to offer, whether that be heart, soul, mind or body to people who are unappreciative is no longer what I want to do and fortunately I am recognizing these people, whether friends or romantic early on before I get lost or pulled into deep and get hurt. Thank Goddess for that!!! I am very proud of who I am becoming and the progress I have made in my growth over the last year. I will continue to learn and grow and become even stronger within myself as the days, months and years pass. I must just move step by step and day by day. I do wish to thank all those who have supported me in my efforts to grow and have been true friends. And also to those people who have helped teach me valuable lessons about myself, whether or not we have continued to be friends.
Well, I find it really tough these days to both open myself up and trust in someone completely. My trust has been abused more times then I care to count. I have made a new friend as of late, and really like him. And I believe he likes me, but when should one start trusting someone. I seem to always put my faith in people and then find I get hurt or that they are not worthy of what I have to offer them. I do not want my past experiences to cloud my judgement of my new experiences and how do I do that? How do I open up and become trusting again?
One thing I am truly liking about this new found friend, is there are no expectations from me or for me from him. I do not expect anything really, except the same attention I give to be returned. I have found him to be intellegent, fun, funny and he seems sincere. We have a lot in common from our love of arguing to our love of gourmet foods. While still having enough differences to keep our time together interesting. I have never really been taken out on a date. By date I mean being taken out to dinner and enjoying good food and good conversation without any expectations of what might come later. And this was a new and wonderful experience for me. When I first met him I did not think he was my type and then I realized I no longer really had a type. I wanted to experience new things and new things with a variety of different kinds of people and as I got to know him, although it has not been long, I am finding him to be very interesting and simply fun to be around. I guess we will have to see where this new friendship leads. I am just simply glad to have met him and hope that I can find a way to keep my past my experiences out of our friendship.
Well, last week I made a VERY interesting new friend. What can I tell you about him. He is intelligent, charismatic, gorgeous, exciting, generous and I have only I believe scratched the surface of what this man is all about. He came to visit me from another state and took me out on the town. Wow, the two restaurants he took me to were amazing, both very high class places with excellent food. He also introduced me to the world of Absinthe. It seems that alot of the information out there about Absinthe is incorrect. It does not make you go nuts, blind or any of those things. But it was a wonderful drink. This man who I will simply call Sterling, also brought me some exceptional play things. Some were just simply AMAZING. What else can I say he has got my interest peaked, for I believe that he can help me to experience so many different things that I have only dreamt of. Heres to you Sterling, may our friendship continue to grow. Thank you so much for a wonderful time!!!!
Wow, how many men out there are there that feed women shining words and great platitudes. Fill women's head with words of romance or even eroticism and yet seem to not mean them. Full of notions of what he wants to do with you and then nothing. You meet and find that perhaps you do not hit it off. And then the brush off. My only question is why can't you people just say straight out not interested or I found that I did not like you as much as I thought I might. Or any number of reasons why you feel the need to brush someone off. Just tell it like it is. Why is it so easy for men to say such wonderful things to women and simply say oh sorry can't email, call or visit, too busy. And why that may be the truth it comes off as a brush off. I am not so weak minded that it would so terribly hurt my feelings. AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH, I find it so VERY frustrating and truly am getting tired of it. Goddess why can't there be more straight forward men out there???? Do they all go to the same school for dating or some shit.
Look if you are a man of vagueness, beats around the bush instead of saying things straight out or are dishonest, please stop wasting my time. I am to special of a person to waste my time with men like you, and I have way to much to offer the right men. Although I am becoming more and more cynical with each passing day. Damn it all to hell.
As to my male friends out there. Love you all lots and keep treating me right and you will reap the benefits. So Mote It Be