I suffered the loss of a child when I was 23 years of age, went through severe bouts of depression over it, quit going to church, began living for a time on Valium, got a divorce and took up some heavy drinking and questioned God every step of the way.
On the other hand, I also reached out to other parents who lost a child, got a good job, quit drinking and married a wonderful man who was God's gift back to me.
Well, my journey wasn't exactly that easy and along the way to coming back to God, I stumbled many times before I figured out I can't live my life without Jesus Christ in it and I can't get through saying I trust in Him if I am going to worry and try to control every day I am here.
I came back to God after being inviited to church about twelve years after my child died. I walked into the church and began crying and asking God why He turned His back on me. He told me He didn't, it was I who turned my back on Him. I then told Him that He took my child away from me and He replied clear as day, 'I gave My Child so you could have eternal life.' My eyes were opened and I have gradually come to learn to stop trying to control every part of my life.
When my husband and I separated due to his drinking problem and I was struggling to raise 2 teen-age sons and 2 small grandchildren on my own, I trusted Him and when I had no gas money or food in the house, someone always showed up without my asking with what we needed.
When my husband and I got back together after many months, it was Gods words that allowed me to trust to bring him into my life again and he has been sober for over 7 years now.
When we lost out apartment lease and had no money to move, God provided us with a 4 bedroom house on an acre of land for no deposit and $300 a month and it was a beautiful home.
When we have been broke, money has always come to us in odd ways. Sometimes in the mail, sometimes from a friend who stated they owed me from months back, sometimes from the sales of my used books on Amazon, but there is always just enough to provide for our needs at that time.
My youngest son is Autistic and he is the greatest young man you would ever want to know, hard working (sometimes 2 & 3 jobs at one time), never been into trouble, great sense of humor. Recently he was arrested and now, I must trust God to keep this young man safe in a jail in which he doesn't belong, keep him from falling apart in a jail where he could get hurt because he doesn't understand what is going on.
God will take care of my son and keep him safe and He will continue to carry my family lovingily in His arms because He is a God that wants to take care of us and I have come to trust Him to do just that by realizing everything I do or have done is written in the book of life and no amount of worrying is going to change that.
If you don't know Jesus as your personal Savior and would like to know him, please contact me and let me help lead you to a life of peace and eternity or say the following prayer:
Jesus forgive me for my sins. Thank you for dying for my sins. Please come into my heart and life as I surrender my life to your will. Amen
