| The Chemist: |
| A Story from the mind of Mike (Actually this was my project in chemistry which has very little to do with chemistry..o well, grade pending) |
| Once upon a time, a baby named Pete was born. He was a cute little baby, but that wouldn�t last for long. When he was born, little did anyone know that he would grow into the world�s greatest and most known chemist! This story begins in the dreary, little town of Hopewell Junction. Pete grew up along with three older brothers: John, Kevin and Chris. After Pete was dropped on his head when he was an infant, everybody thought he would grow up a little weird. But boy, were they mistaken. When Pete was younger, he was skilled in many things. Pete could: Make food (especially egg and cheese, which was his best), he could also make drinks like none other (like lemonade and slushies), but most of all Pete was extremely crafty with his chemistry set. He was always conjuring up homogenous solutions for fun in his early years. He was such a diehard chemist, that once, his brother John hid his chemistry set, and Pete threw a knife at his head and it hit him right between the eyes. Once, in his youth, Pete threw a soccer ball through the front window (broke it), just to get his chemistry set out (because he was locked out of the house). Pete was in love with chemistry and science overall. Pete entered his eighth grade science fair with great intentions. He was all set, this project was on precipitates and why they turn cloudy, he was a shoe in for first place. But in a midnight prank, John and his two friends, Kyle and Mike, ruined Pete�s project. Pete was enraged, so he mixed sodium and fluorine and made a super reactive bomb (since sodium and fluorine are reactive elements), and threatened the lives of the midnight Pete wakers. Pete spared their lives though, but vowed never to make them egg and cheese again. They apologized and Pete went back to his dorky self. So, Pete worked very hard after that, focusing full force on his chemistry studies. He concentrated mainly on the Periodic Table. Mainly as in all night. He usually spent all his nights memorizing the element filled table. Some nights focusing on neutrons, some on the electron count, or occasional, when Pete felt special, he concentrated on the elements mass. He just read the table all night, with an occasional sleep, but otherwise it was his bible. He lived by it. One night, while Pete was in a rare sleep (dreaming of Sodium Thiosulphate), his older brother Kevin took the table. Pete automatically started sleep walking toward it, saying �Alkali, Halogen, Noble Gases�� and then �I am wearing pants�, all of this in a confused sleep rage. He later retrieved his beloved table and cried over it for days. Pete went into high school as the states top chemistry student and wasn�t backing down. He worked day and night all for his burning passion in chemistry. After Pete stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil, he graduated high school with honors, winning the Vogelaar Award in Chemistry (A high school�s highest honor in chemistry) and also gaining a full scholarship to American Chem University. At his graduation, Pete synthesized a light spectrum show for his fellow students, they loved it, but still hated Pete for his exceptional chemistry talent. Even though Pete was valedictorian of his class, he was still disliked by all, except his life long love Jemmy which he would on to marry, but that�s another story. During the summer before Pete�s freshman year at college, he was driving around looking for elements, when he got pulled over by the police. He knew he was in trouble since he had severely hazardous chemicals in his car (uranium, plutonium and cyanide). Pete told the cop he was sorry, and claimed he was jus �takin infield�, so the cop let him off. Before Pete left for college, his parents, brothers and friends threw him a big party. Naturally, because Pete didn�t have any friends, it was just his brother John�s friends and his massive family. At the party, there was a bouncy castle for everyone�s enjoyment. But then when many kids were in it, the whole thing tipped over. So Pete, being the extreme chemist, used a burning piece of magnesium to cut the side open and save the many children. Pete was a hero, except nobody liked him (except for his parents who were forced to like him). Pete was very successful throughout his college years. He was still hated by most because of his supreme chemistry knowledge, so he usually spent his time out of class studying nuclear chemistry and conducting huge experiments. Pete once, in his sophomore year, blew three of his fingers off by throwing a brick of sodium into a tub full of water (sodium is highly reactive in water). Luckily, Pete�s fingers weren�t to mangled, and he went to the hospital and got them glued back on. Pete then went on to graduate college and moved into the work force. Since Pete couldn�t find the high tech chemistry job he wanted, he had to settle for a lowly job at McDonalds. Pete got really bored of the big mac, and after a month he was fired for using sulfuric acid to mop the floors (which ultimately made the floor melt). After this, Pete was out in the cold, he didn�t know what to do. Then, one night, in one of Pete�s midnight iodine drinking binges, he met the famous chemist Don Schowalter (guy from videos). Pete literally peed his pants he was so excited. Pete and Don spoke all night of chemistry. They shared a love for the Buckey Ball and also the bicarbonate family. Then Don said �Woah Pete, how would you like a job?�. Pete responded, �Ah thanks, I�ll take it�. Pete and Don worked in a private lab and for one purpose. To synthesize a solvent more universal than water. Pete was extremely excited about the job, and was ready to create the solvent. In some time, Pete and Don were really close to finishing the solvent. One day though, Don was very angry with Pete. Even though Pete was the youngest gun chemist around, Don still hated hi this day. This was due to the phone number Pete called 1-800-777-GIRL which cost $3.99 a minute and Pete used it for a whole bunch of minutes (3 days straight). The phone bill was huge and Don was mad, he knew with this cost, they wouldn�t be able to complete the solvent. Don was so mad that he died. At Don�s funeral no one but nerds and elements were there, and Pete. Pete had a magnesium burning in his memory and poured liquid nitrogen on the coffin to seal the deal. Pete mourned for many days. He spent the days sleeping in bed (naturally being woken up by Mike, John, and Kyle). Months after, Pete knew what he had to do. Finish the solvent. Pete worked long and hard on this project. Pete didn�t even sleep, he just worked. Finally 25 years later Pete did it. He created a substance that was both polar and non polar and was at least four times more universal than water. The solvent was called KMX lemon juice (which had a whole bunch of elements in it, also lemon juice, which was the missing link). Pete released his solvent to the world and was the most famous chemist in the history of man. He was on the cover of every chemistry magazine ever made, and also on every talk show. Pete was a rich man. He was also awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in chemistry for his accomplishment. After that, Pete was lived for about 40 more years and still had many accomplishments. Winning three more Nobel Prizes and also having a country named after him. In Pete�s retired days, he wrote a book about his whole life, which was called �I Am Wearing Pants� and sold like mad. It became the bible of many. Then Pete died. He died with a Periodic Table in one hand and a Buckey Ball in the other. Everyone was saddened by this day and the world went into depression. They soon got out of that and realized they didn�t care. But everyone reserved one day, the day of Pete�s death, where they all were wearing pants. And that�s the end of this chilling tale of a great chemist named Pete. |
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