11.01.98

Most people here think I'm closer to 27-28...one guy even asked me if I was prior-service! Hopefully we go to the PX today -- I need rank insignia...Rained all night. There was actually a little lightning coming back from chow. Waht continually eats at me the most is just how normal this all seems -- already I've grown accustomed to this lifestyle for good or for ill.

Just had th opportunity to use the phones...waited in line - "Sorry, all circuits are busy now. Please try your call again later" But I have no fucking later damnit!! Of course, saves me the trouble of calling them at 8AM their time, but still...

Day was going pretty damn well OK until DS Ellignton walked in just after ppl who missed PX due to KP went there...Specialist -- Air Force prior 00 was asleep -- pissed DS off -- towells weren't dree right dress on our wall locker exterior hangers -- and boots n such weren't dress right on top of our lockers -- he made us flip all the bunks (some of which were fucked up too) & then proceeded to smoke the FUCK out of us -- go down to the pad for formation after-- then more smoke, then up, then back down, up down, etc. Fix Towells, fix boots...left the bunks till night...We got smoked even further by DS Bryant, then Valiente came in after Geneva POW conventions class (during which I volunteered to recite evaluate a casualty, fucked it up & got smoked for it...) and made us all form up and duck walk around the barraks -- hands to shoulders in a chain -- but we kept stopping and me made us do 4 laps. I completely gave out near the end of the 3rd & had to cheat the rest of the way, resting on my knees -- collapsed & even broke down in tears a bit -- mixed in w/ the sweat I don't know if anyone really realized...assisted back around...

Bengay rules.

"Just think, you only have to do this 7 more times"
"Do what?"
"Spend a week here" Angerhauser.

So I broke tonight -- I really did. I even wondered why I did this to myself -- I knew what was coming -- just the past couple easier weeks lulled me into a false sense of security. I was at ease w/ all the strict bunk making and locker displays and smokings -- I thought that one I proved myself on the PT test, it'd maybe slack off a bit. Things, of course, didn't work out as planned...it got worse."

But despite it all, for about 4 minutes after dinner, I was excited -- everyone was quiet in formation, reading the smart books not talking etc. Then Brown and Cross came out. two young black kids "not down" it seems with teamwork, discipline, or orders...

2nd PLT being Honor PLT these last 2 cycles is fucking us all over...