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| "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. It makes the world a little easier to sort out." -George Carlin |
| "I'm dead sexy!" -Fat Bastard (Mike Myers), Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me |
| "Some see the glass as half empty, some see the glass as half full. I see the glass as too big." -George Carlin |
| "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." -Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), The Silence of the Lambs |
| "Yippie kay-yay, motherfucker." -John McClane (Bruce Willis), Die Hard |
| "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." -Mel Brooks |
| "Here's Johnny!" -Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson), The Shining |
| "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen |
| "I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -W. C. Fields |
| "It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -Walt Disney |
| "Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" -The Joker (Jack Nicholson), Batman |
| "Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we're not. In either case the idea is quite staggering." -Arthur C. Clarke |
| "Life is a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." -Maya Angelou |
| "Have you seen this boy?" -Liquid Metal Guy (Robert Patrick), Terminator 2: Judgement Day |
| "Common sense is not so common." -Voltaire |
| "I Hate Quotations." |
| -Ralph Waldo Emerson |
| "Years ago, my mother gave me a bullet. I put it in my breast pocket. Two years after that I was walking down the street when a beserk evangelist heaved a Gideon's Bible out a hotel-room window, hitting me in the chest. The Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet." -Woody Allen |
| "It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." -Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy |
| "The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." -William Clayton |
| "Kids, don't say fuck like this. I'm a trained professional." -Dennis Miller, Dennis Miller Live |
| "Keaton always said, 'I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him.' Well, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze." -Roger "Verbal" Kint (Kevin Spacey), The Usual Suspects |
| "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." -Ernest Hemingway |
| "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein |
| "A wise man can look in a grain of sand and see the universe. A stupid man can roll around in some seaweed and jump up yelling 'Look at me! I'm the Vine Man!'" -Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy |
| "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." -Mark Twain |
| "Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two seperate words, 'mank' and 'ind.' What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind." -Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy |
| "He who dares not offend cannot be honest." -Thomas Paine |