Authors note: Originally Stag Party ended here, but due to requests (and threats) the series has been extended. In order to do this, I have had to seek out a world where the party is still going strong.....

At a portal stone in a world where the stag party is still going strong

Flicker, Flicker, Flicker, Flicker..... all the flickers stop and waited as for the fifth flicker, who as usual, was late.

Flickers 1 through 4: Come on for (bleep)s sake!
Flicker 5: Sorry guys, I was working on my lines.
Flickers 1 through 4: It's hardly difficult. You just have to "Flicker"
Flicker 5: I know, but I thought I'd try and add some emotion to the role. Y'know, add a little bit of "me" to it.
Flickers 1 through 4: (sigh) Go on then.
Flicker 5 went down on one knee. It put one hand on it's hip, and one in the air. Closing his eyes, he trembled slightly, then opened them and yelled at the heavens: OH.... FERLICKER!! Flickers 1 through 4 shake their heads and walk off muttering
Flicker 5: What did you think guys? Guys? Hey wait for me...

Darkhound appeared at the portal stone. It was the correct world, he was sure. Everything here was the same as Stag Party episodes 1 to 5, with the exception that the lads were still together and partying strong. Or so he thought..... suddenly he heard a noise like a helicopter, and a military drum beat played in the air. A narrator piped up, in a dramatic american accent.....

Narrator: In the age of legends, a team of crack commando Aes Sedai were imprisoned in Shayol Ghul for a crime they did not commit. But they escaped. Now, if you have a problem with which no-one else can help, if you can find them..... Maybe you can hire..... THE F-TEAM !!!! (cue music)

Darkhound: Oh light, not a world where the Forsaken are represented in the style of the A-team. (shakes head) This episode will be so predictable....

Lan, Mat, Thom, Rand & Perrin are down at the King's Kidney (not the Queen's Colon, where the women are), where Mat and Thom are providing some impromptu entertainment.

Thom: (strums his lute) Take it away, Mat!
Mat: Girl, I've been watching you.... (sings to Sara the cross-eyed waitress)
Mat: .... and I think you're really sweat.....
Thom: (strum) (strum) Oh yeah..
Mat: .... As long as I have got a face.... (nods to Sara)
Mat: .... You'll always have a seat..... (winks at Sara, who blushes)

Thom: (strum) (ster-rum) kicking, bro'...
Rand: (in conversation to Lan and Perrin) And then Min told me about the vision she had of me.
Lan: What did she see?
Rand: She saw me standing at a fork in a road. Down one fork, I died horribly. Down another, I was captured by the shadow and screamed for eternity in hopeless agony. Down a third fork, I lived, but I had to work for someone called Bill Gates.
Perrin: Horrible death's not so bad, Rand.
Lan: And an eternity of agony, well, you could cope with that.
Perrin: What will you do?
Rand: (thinks for a minute, then slaps his hand on the counter) I know, I'll get another round in!
Perrin and Lan: Hurrah!
Thom: (strum)(ster-rum) I bad. Yes I are.
Mat: (still singing) I love the way you pick your nose...
Rand: (handing flagons of "Deathwish" to his mates) And then Min said she knew of a woman who loved me totally and wanted to make hot love with me.
Perrin: Who?
Mat: ....the way you make bad smells....
Thom: (strum ) (ster-rum ) Oh, daddio.
Rand: She wouldn't say. She would only give me these really cryptic clues.
Lan: What clues?
Rand: Apparently, this woman hails from Baerlon, she's Min's height, has hair and eyes like Min's, and her name starts with "M". Also, her name rhymes with "Pin".
Mat: ..... the way your swollen sore's weep slime....
Thom: (strum) (ster-rum) somebody stop me!
Lan: (counts off on fingers) She looks a lot like Min?
Rand: (nods)
Lan: She's from Baerlon?
Rand: Yep.
Lan: Her name starts with "M"?
Rand: S'what she said.
Lan: and rhymes with "Pin"
Rand: S'right.
Thom: (strum) (ster-rum ) smokin'
Mat: .... You make my love plums swell....
Lan: Rand, you woolhead!! Don't you see what she meant?
Rand: (vacant stare) What?
Lan: Somewhere in Baerlon, there's another woman called Min !! And she must be a real looker too, coz she looks like our Min!
Rand: (slaps forehead) How could I have missed it !!

Just then, the doors to the inn crash inwards. Or innwards, if you like. Five men and a woman walk in, and stand just inside the door.

Lan: What the (bleep) ?

One, with flaming eyes and mouth, smoked a cigar, and looked around the room with a grin. He stepped forward. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm General Hannibal Ba'alzamon. This..." he pointed to a man-mountain covered in expensive jewellery with a hooked nose, ".... is Mr D. We call him Bad Attitude." He pointed to a wide eyed man who seemed to be muttering to himself. "This is howling - mad Aginor. He's crazy, but he's the best damn sho-wing pilot I've seen!" He points to a the man to his side who was busy talking to the woman. "This is Rhavin, or Face, as we call him because of his looks And the woman, well, she's here to give Face someone to slobber over. She's called Selene."

Rand: Selene?
Selene: (waves excitedly, and smiles) Hi Rand!
Rand: You in this episode?
Selene: Yep. I'm the token female. You know, the one that tags along with the A-team without actually doing much?
Rand: Oh. How's Fred?
Selene: He's solid, Rand.
Hannibal Ba'alzamon: When you two are quite finished....
Mr D: (steps forward) SHUDDUP FOOL!
Hann/Baa: Thaks Mr D. Why don't you go and throw some people through the air in slow motion.
Mr D: GRRRRR!
Aginor: Ha HA! Captain Kirk stole my chickens! Wooo! Woooo! Fnaaaa Fnaaaaaa! Mother?
Hann/Baa: (nodding at Howling Mad Aginor) Just his way of showing you he's crazy.
Lan: What do you want?
Han/Baa: We've been hired to track you down and terminate you're fun. The party's over.
Lan: Who hired you?
Han/Baa: Dunno her name. Scariest damn woman I ever saw though. Kept tugging her braid and sniffing. All the time, tug, sniff, tug, sniff. Scary stuff man. (shivers)
Lan: (turns to Rand) Nynaeve!
Rand: (nods)
Hann/Baa: I thought I would have trouble, but here you all are, drunk as lords, waiting for me to round you all up...

[the Inn waits expectantly for the next line]

Hann/Baa: .... I love it when a plan comes together !!! (puffs cigar to polite applause from the inn)
Perrin: (whispers to Lan and Rand) We're in trouble boys. Big trouble.
Rand: Relax, Perrin. In all those episodes of the A-team, no-one EVER got shot, let alone killed. The worst that can happen is Mr D might throw you in slow motion !

To be continued...

Raina's Hold / Raina's Library / Other People's Humour / Lan's Stag Party