The story sofa. Whoops, I meant story so far. Obviously a story sofa is what Robert Jordan sits on. Now, Lan's party, you know who they are by now, have had their entertainments at the Kings Kidney cut short by the arrival of the F-Team, hired by Nynaeve to cut short the fun....

Mat: Look you guys, whatever Nynaeve is paying you, we'll double it.
Hannibal Ba'alzamon: I doubt it.
Mat: Why?
Han/Baa: She's not paying in cash. She's paying with her soul....
Mat: No problem. (puts his boots up on the table) You can have both of mine!
Mr D: SHUDDUP FOOL!
Han/Baa: Thanks, Mr D, but I can handle this. No, Cauthon, her soul, not her sole.
Lan: Nynaeve has gone over to the dark?
Han/Baa: (evil chortle) Yes, warder. She has seen that only the dark can offer her a world of eternal suffering, misery, and no fun at all. What she wanted all along, as it turns out.
Mad Aginor: ooohooohooo We like the music! We like the disco dance, hey!
Mr D: SHUDDUP FOOL!
Han/Baa: And now, you will all accompany me.
Perrin: Where are we going?
Han/Baa: To a place of terrible coldness, darkness, and inhospitableness.
Perrin: Faile's skirt?
Han/Baa: No, Shayol Ghul. Although I see your point.
Mat: Ha! We are going nowhere, foul shadowspawn! We are in mid PAAAAAARTEEEY!

[Ba'Alzamon channels at Mat. Mat's medallion grows cold, and he grins. Ba'alzamon see's his flows dissolve.]

Mat: Wanna try that again? (he picks up his beer, and lets his medallion fall into it)
Han/Baa: Why you little..... (channels again)

[The flows disolve, and Mat's medallion chills his beer for him. Mat takes a sip.]

Mat: Aaaah! Cold filtered! (smacks lips)

[Just then, a doorway opens up, and Shaft steps out]

Shaft: (to Mat) I just wanted to shake your hand my bro'. That is possibly THE coolest thing I have ever seen.
Mat: Thanks Shaft.
Shaft: I gotta go. There's a patch of fertile soil not far from here.
Mat: Sorry?
Shaft: I'm gonna dig it!. (leaves through the gateway, which winks out)

[Suddenly another Gateway appears. From it emerges ArchAngel]

Arch: Look, (wink), if there's any (wink)ing to be done, even if it's (wink)ing out, I'll be doing it, alright (wink)?

[He leaves it through the gateway, which promptly (winks) out]

Rand: (to Lan) Darkhounds trying to get all the characters he promised a bit part into one episode.
Lan: Yeah, that gives him an opportunity to do the following joke.

[Lan turns to a famous man eating soup in the corner]

Lan: Hey, you want a cameo role?
famous Man: No thanks, the soup's fine as it is.
Rand: (holds his head) I don't believe that. That was awful, even by his standards.
Han/Baa: Erm... Hello? Remember us? We are quite a serious threat you know.
Thom: Look, you know what's going to happen lads.
Han/Baa: We do?
Thom: Sure. We'll fight, and we'll win. We'll lock you up in a shed in which we've conveniently left a lot of sheet metal, ammunition, engine parts, and power tools in. You'll build a tank, and escape.
Han/baa: Your point?
Thom: Well, we could go through all that nonsense, or....
Han/baa: or what?
Thom: .... or we could get disgustingly drunk together!
Howling Mad Aginor: Wardrobe! Menagery kingdom, I want to party, boss, OOOO hahahahah,
Mr D: SHUD...wait a minute.... HEY HANNIBAL. THE MAN GOT A POINT. GRRRR. LETS DRINK, FOO...ER BOSS.
Han/Baa: Well, I don't know.... Face, what do you think?
Face/Rhavin: Don't ask me. I haven't got a personality, I can't fight, all I do is pull the birds. I'm useful at parties, though.
Hann/Baa: Mmmmm. Well.... I suppose we could have just the one.
Mr D: HURRAY! GRRRRR!
Howling Mad Aginor: FaLaLaFaLaLa Excellent. Party on! DimberlyDimberly Rhubarb, Mother?
Face: Mines a large one!
Selene: (arches an eyebrow) Really, Face? You know how I just luuurve a large one...

Meanwhile, in *finnland.

Moraine: Oh for (bleep)s sake. It's sooooo easy! Why can't you get it? Hmmm?

[a couple of hundered *finns look shame faced]

Moraine: It's important that you lift your left leg in the air, but replace it back on the floor BEFORE you lift your right leg up. Otherwise, the Can-Can is a very bad idea. Ok lets try. (music starts)

[A couple of hundered *finns left their left legs, then their right legs, and fall flat on their butts]

Moraine: (covers her eyes with her hands) Oh please, light, what have I done to deserve this? Give me that Al'thor boy anytime....

Meanwhile, outside Shayol Ghul....

Nynaeve: ( sniff ) tug ) Unbelievable! (BLEEP)ing Dark One. Did you here what he said to me? Did you?
Faile: Of course. I was there, don't forget. You shouldn't have told him to stop shouting. He IS a god-like entity after all.
Nynaeve: (sniff) God or not, I won't have some woolheaded male shout at me! Who does he think he is with his WOULD THOU BE NAEBLIS, NYNAEVE? and his HOW FARES THIS WORLD, NYNAEVE?. (tug) If I had a stick......
Faile: Well, at least he gave you your soul back.
Nynaeve: (tug) Ha! Begged me to take it back more like! (sniff) You heard him.

[shimmering waves, like on TV when they want to show you a flashback]

DO: PLEASE NYNAEVE, TAKE IT BACK. I DON'T WANT IT, REALLY, I DON'T. THE CREATOR'S WELCOME TO IT. BLIMEY, I'M TOO OLD FOR ALL THIS. I WAS QUITE HAPPY IN MY PRISON, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, WHEN (BANG) SUDDENLY THERE'S A BORE, AND SOME WOMAN MAKING DEMANDS! NO WONDER THAT POOR BEIDOMON CHAP WANTED TO STAY DOWN HERE WITH ME, IF HE HAD TO PUT UP WITH WORKING WITH HER. MEIRIN, HER NAME WAS. NICE LEGS, BUT HER TONGUE COULD MAKE EVEN ME WINCE. NOT LIKE IT WAS IN THE OLD DAYS, NO SIREE. WHY, MY COUSIN SAURON WAS TELLING ME THAT IN THE OLD DAYS A DARK LORDS WORD WAS LAW, THAT EVERYONE FEARED HIM AND COWERED IN HIS PRESENCE AND.......

Meanwhile, back at the Kings Kidney....

Rand: And so I said to Taim, "Make me weapons Taim." and he did! He taught them nutters how to fight with the power! (roars with laughter) And he thinks I don't know about him being turned by thirteen fades! Oooh, Ha HAHAHA. (wheeze) He thinks.... oooh... he thinks I believe that those stupid ventriloquist voices he does in my head are actually Lews Therin! (rolling around) Oh dear... (wipes tears) And, wait till you here this, he tries to make me think he is Demandred! MWA HA HA HO HEE HEE.
Mr D: WHERE HE AT? I'LL KILL HIM. I'LL BUST HIM UP REAL BAD. GRRRRRR. FOOL!

To be continued...

Raina's Hold / Raina's Library / Other People's Humour / Lan's Stag Party