Dear Ryan,

I miss your silly grin. Its not so much as the stuff you do but moreso your presence that I miss. Although I do still feel sore knowing that I won't be able to taste your cooking anymore.

Its hard going out with mum and dad. They always walk in front with Aaron and I've always had you to walk with. WE would be cracking jokes at the stuff we see. Without you going out with them is just a task. As is most things.

Wish i could talk to you. Sometimes wish we talked more. I guess we both pretty much keep to ourselves. Its like you have this life I just begin to get a glimpse of. I like what I see. You are always surrounded by people who care for you, aren't you? Guess that's not that hard a task considering most everyone you know immediately takes a liking to you. Maybe I should try to be more like you - more outgoing and make a conscious effort to reach out to the people around me.

You know, I always thought that once I leave Kuching to study overseas you would be right here taking care of mum and Aaron. I guess I had a lot of pre-conceived notions of what our life would be like. We would grow old, sitting on a porch while watching our kids play. Now that you are gone it seems like everyday i have to re-evaluate my life. I've taken so many things for granted that I don't know where to begin.

Not having you around is just not the same.

Love you always,

Eric