My musings on the world that surrounds and astonds me. For January, 2000
Jan 3, 2000
The New Year, Century, etc. has started on a simple and pleasant mode. We slugged around on New Year's day, with guests in and out well into the evening. We even vamped out that evening, but some of the players start to look sad and despondent if they have to go over two weeks without gaming.
Now I'm looking at the upcoming year with a little trepidation. How do I really make a difference in my life, and the lives of those around me. How do I make the world a better place.
I'm not just wondering about spiritual comforts, but material ones as well. Mike and I have discussed him taking an accelerated training program to become a web-developer/Program manager. He's got to do something with his life before it's over. He knows it, I know it, now we just have to make it happen.
That's the problem. Making it happen isn't easy. We are at the point in our lives where we have our lifestyle at conflict with our needs. We will have to make this a year of penury. We can't spend money on food out whenever we want. We can't run off to the store to pick up random things just because we have money in our pockets. I may think there is a need for a new Star Wars doll, but is there really a need for plastic crap when you're worried about how you'll pay your bills?
We've also agreed that we need to make our surroundings more pleasant and tidy. Our own approach to Feng Shui. I want to have beauty and comfort, but I want it at a budget. So Goodwill is still very important in my lifestyle over the course of the next year.
I think that I'll do some carpentry with Jerry. We need bookcases, and he needs to get some projects going to make life more challenging.
Jan 11, 2000
I'm really on the warpath to get Xcylur's bed built. We're making him a loft, to give him more useable space in his tiny room. He doesn't complain, but his room could get used more. He has so many toys, that raising his bed off the floor would make the room so much bigger, and more fun for him.
Jan. 28, 2000
So I've hit a lot of "BBW" sites lately. Size acceptance is an interesting concept. I was looking at some of the pictures from New Years and thinking that I looked fat, oh how horrible I look.
Then it hit me. I chose the outfit, I know my size, I knew I looked big, but didn't care. I'm a good looking girl even with a few extra pounds. Even the little bit of exercising I've been doing lately has been aimed at increasing my energy levels, not decreasing my size.
If I lost weight, all the clothes that I've amassed wouldn't fit. I'd be devastated. I'd like a little more muscle and less flab, but I'm not dying to change my size.
Archive
It's hard to focus your spiritual goals when you are in the middle of life. How to worry about your maturation process when worrying about the next big project.
But Spirit is important. I hate to think that I'm not feeding all aspects of my life. I wonder if more self reflection would make it easier to reflect less about the things that make me upset about other people's behaviour.