My musings on the world that surrounds and astonds me. For November, 1999
My favorite holiday has passed, and we're going on with the busiest time of the year. We've got so much going on in our lives. Work, home, game, friends, it all adds up and keeping things from getting out of hand is tough. Right now the house is a pigsty. I need to get things cleaned up and get started on some projects, but when I get home, I'm so fried from work I don't want to be responsible. I want to play Starcraft. Starcraft has taken over my will to clean house, do dishes, even hang up the clean clothes. Starcraft is calling me, even from work, I want to go and kill the Terrans, or the Protoss or whatever it is that I'm supposed to kill.
Mike isn't even immune from this. He's always one or two scenarios ahead of me, and I'm always trying to catch up.
Then he's sneaky and tries to get me to buy some other game, but I still have to get through one more scenario.
Then the speakers blew on the computer. It's just not the same. The voices and sounds of the game are what makes it. When you get the little troops to mouth off to you and then you send them out on suicide missions, there's a sense of satisfaction.
I realize that I have friends that spend much more time playing games than I. And more money. There are online games that some of them play. Emerson always buys whatever new point of view game catches his fancy and Dan can not allow a Star Wars game to come out without snatching it up. I haven't been to bad. Before there was Starcraft I would unwind with Age of Empires, which was so relaxing because of the new age music. Starcraft doesn't have new age music, but it's still relaxing.
The best part about it is that I'm not interacting with people. After a whole day of people I'm peopled out. I like seeing my friends and family, and having them around me, but I'm not really all that talkative. The nice thing is that Tom or Xcylur will often sit and just watch me play Starcraft, so that's a form of quality time. Twisted and sad, but quality.
But Halloween went well. Mike, Xcylur and Dan looked great in their Jedi costumes. I did some fun things with my black clothes and a cheap pair of black wings, and did the Goth Fairy. Also the Goth fairy princess at one of our parties. I was the only person in my department at work that wore a costume. Not too surprising really. I kept referencing the latest "Heart in the City" episode. The little boy who's the Star Wars nut is running around in his costume the week before halloween and the girl gives him grief. He sits down, despondant and says "I can't wait for halloween. It's the one day a year my personality and accepted social behavior are in sync." I totally feel for him. I don't want to be too weird, just weird enough. And comfortable.
So on to the next big adventure, which is the two weddings taking place the week of Thanksgiving. Mike is doing all the catering for one and hors d'overs for the other. Plus being in the other. Xcylur is the ring bearer for the one and I'm a bridesmaid for the other. And we've got parties and showers yet to go. Mike is working a lot of long hours to make extra cash which should help, but we're going to really be stressing it.
The weddings have made me think a bit about committment and love and all that crap. I'm really glad that the individuals getting married are happy with one another. I see Tom and Heather together, and what strikes me the most is that they really do care about each other. Most times they consider how their actions will affect their spouse before they take them, and that gives me hope for their marriage. If I can do that more, I know that my marriage will only improve.
I've had some friends tout that you need to take care of yourself in a relationship. But that's not why you're in the relationship. You're there to take part of the joint effort. It's like the couples I see that lead largely separate lives, spending all their time apart, with other friends or interests. I'm sure some of them are happy, but I also feel sorry for them. They're missing out. Being married to your best friend is really so fulfilling. You share the most with the person who is closest to you. You live a life in common.
I know that I don't always have the same passions and opinions as Mike, nor do Heather and Tom live in constant sync. But I can recognize that we each take the view of our spouses more often than that of any other. And we generally want to spend time with the people we have chosen to spend our lives with rather than someone else..
I'm in a constant battle between my need to accept and be balanced and my desire to beat the crap out of people who are bad. Not bad like with the kids being disobediant, but bad like mean, mean-spirited. Snotty, rude, selfish, unkind, self-absorbed, the type that use their skills at manipulation to get ahead and get what they want even when they deserve nothing more than a smack.
I've heard a lot of philosophy and dogma about just accepting, not letting it bother you. Their problem, their issue. I've heard that I should let go. I do let go, but I slip. Sometimes I want to judge, I want to be the Karminator.
