I just listened to her, and when she said goodbye, I hung up. I had my pay for the last few weeks still unspent, I took the opportunity to use that day to go shopping. With it being a weekday, the stores were less busy than usual…

When I went to the bank to deal with an overdraft, I was absolutely shocked to see Isaac behind the counter and glass, in a shirt and tie, serving to customers. He glanced at me curiously from behind the glass as he got a woman to sign her name on a statement. I waved a little, he gave a smile, and continued tending to the queue until I reached the counter.

"I didn’t know you worked here," I said.

"It’s temporary, a placement," he explained, "Originally they didn’t want to take me on ‘cause I’m under twenty, but eventually my head for figures convinced them," he explained, "But anyway, how can I help you?" he asked in a very professional manner.

I explained about my overdraft, and I paid in the money for the overdraft, while he was dealing with it, he glanced at me, "I heard you went out with Swain…"

"Yeah."

"I told you not to, he’s a loser. He’s a lousy friend lately too," Isaac said. "I find myself avoiding him these days…"

Somehow I understood what he was talking about.

Isaac looked at me, "I heard Zac swore at you."

"It’s no big deal," I shrugged, it wasn’t. Wasn’t like I hadn’t ever been sworn at before and I was always offended by foul language, "He’s just upset…Taylor told me."

"Him and Tay beat the crap out of each other," Isaac quietly, "Zac near enough won too."

Not surprising, Zac is brawny compared to Taylor’s emaciated person.

Isaac looked at me, "I take it you’re not working today…" he realised.

"Your mom called me at the last minute and told me she didn’t need me today."

"Well, at least you get a day off," Isaac commented, "Be thankful. You could be slaving away at a bank for a shitty wage," he smirked at me.

I grinned, "Well anyway," I said once we’d finished dealing with the overdraft, "I should get going."

"Why don’t you stop by later tonight?" he suggested.

"At your house?" I asked.

"Yeah," Isaac nodded.

"I would…but I kind of promised my aunt I’d baby-sit," I explained.

"Oh…" Isaac trailed.

There was something disappointing sounding in his voice, maybe he was looking for someone new to hang out with, I figured out it was because Swain was such an asshole, he needed someone new to talk to. I would have been glad to hang out with him, but…well, I did promise Angie I would babysit.

Isaac looked at me, "Well…I guess I’ll see you around," he said.

"Yeah, I’ll see you," I said, and with that I left, I felt somewhat guilty, not actually sure why. Oh well…

I babysat David and Sarah…

David called me a big bitch…

Today, Jessica blurted out something I just could not believe.

"My mom said if dad had been giving her the attention she deserved she wouldn’t have had to screw around."

I was literally gobsmacked, I could not believe my own ears. "She…told you that?" I asked.

Jessica tossed her platinum gold hair back from her face, "I heard her say it to Aunt Kate," she admitted.

"You listened in?"

"Uh huh."

"You shouldn’t listen in on other people’s phone conversations," I told her.

"I didn’t mean to," she finally said.

"You shouldn’t be telling me this, Jessica…you should be writing it in your diary if it bothers you," I said.

"I did…" Jessica sat down on the couch, folding her legs underneath her. "I really hate my mom," she said after a moment.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear this…but who else would Jessica turn to if she couldn’t turn to her mother? This was stuff she probably couldn’t tell her brothers about.

I sat down slowly beside her. "Why?"

"Because she made dad leave…she blames everything on him. This is all her fault…" Jessica admitted, for a moment she looked like she’d cry.

I had the urge to scoop the eleven year old up in my arms and promise her everything would be okay. Of course, I had no right to make that promise, especially since I didn’t know it everything would be okay.

Jessica looked down, "everyone’s fighting, Tay and Zac, mom and dad…" she trailed off.

"The fighting will stop eventually, Jess," I tried to assure.

"What if it doesn’t?" she asked.

"It will, you shouldn’t be so negative," I patted her shoulder, god she was so small and frail looking, I felt like I could break her arm off with those pats alone.

Jessica looked at me, her big blue eyes seering through mines, "You’re not gonna tell anyone ‘bout what I said, are you?"

"No, of course not," I promised.

"Thanks, Jo," she said, and with that, she headed off upstairs, no more was said about it.

Isaac was home before Taylor today, Isaac sat down beside me, "Man, what a day," he said.

"Tough?" I asked him.

"Yeah, two people were off work, I had to try and cover for them, I was at my wits end," Isaac stretched. "How were the kids today?"

"Good…"

"Zac home yet?"

"No."

"Weird, he’s usually home by now…"

"I know."

"Unless he changed his piano lesson to today for convenience…" Isaac trailed off.

"Zac takes piano lessons?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Isaac nodded, "so does Taylor…I used to, but it got kind of boring.

"I heard Zac playing, he’s pretty good."

"Yeah, surprisingly, he really applies himself in music…" Isaac shrugged, "He’s smart when he wants to be. Stubborn as well…"

Just on cue, Zac entered the living room having just arrived home, he saw me, and was about to go, but Isaac used that firm, older brother tone and ordered him to come back.

"Zac, get in here, RIGHT NOW," Isaac stated.

Zac walked in slowly, looked at Isaac, "What?"

"Did you apologise to Jolene?"

"Uhm…no."

"I told you to call her last night and apologise," Isaac stated.

"I tried, she wasn’t home…" Zac said quietly.

Isaac looked at Zac, "I guess now would be a good time, then, huh?"
Zac looked at me, cleared his throat, and with a sheepish expression, he said "sorry."

I was almost about to ask for what, but I realised this was my apology for his swearing at me about not being able to tell him what to do.

"Okay…I forgive you," I said softly.

Zac left the room, slow and shy. I stood up, "well…I should get going."

Isaac saw me to the door, when I got home there was a message on my answering machine from Swain, I didn’t pay attention to it, it didn’t sound like an apology so I scrubbed it and mumbled to myself "Oops" having cleared the message deliberately.

I went to see my Cousin Adele, she’s 18, she has a beautiful baby daughter called Rebecca who’s 6 months old. She’s gorgeous.

Work was tiring. It’s incredibly hot today…the kids were active considering the heat, I found it an effort to keep up with them. Zoë was no trouble, she’d just sit and giggle at the TV, whilst the younger kids would run around insanely after school, even Jessica felt like being a bit more hyperactive today, she and Zac were having Nerf Gun fights all over the place, it was exhausting to watch.

Then at six – yes, I’m still ending up working longer than I’m meant to be – Isaac came home, he’d taken off his white shirt and tied it around his waist, he had on this white tanktop, his bronze skin glistening with sweat, his hair damp from perspiration.

"Hey," he breathed, wiped off his forehead.

I looked at him in a way I hadn’t seen Isaac before, I’d never realised he was this… masculine. He was more in proportion than Taylor was, definitely not as lanky, he had a long slim neck, the most perfect collarbone I have ever seen on a man in my life. I must have looked at him as if I’d never even seen a man before. Isaac suddenly seemed less boyish to me than I had thought he had seemed.

"Hi," I finally managed.

Oh no, Jo, I warned myself, you are NOT going to fall for the boss’s son, even if he does look…so good today.

"It’s warm out," Isaac sighed, "god I need a shower…"

Absurdly, I almost asked ‘can I join you?’.

It’s just the heat getting to me, I thought.

"Well, if you want me to stick around until you’ve had time to take a shower and cool down, I don’t mind," I shrugged.

He smiled, "you’re so sweet," he said, and with that he ruffled my hair playfully, and headed off to take his shower.

Jessica glanced at me, she threw a Nerf ball at me and it bounced off of my forehead and hit her right back square in the face, we laughed our heads off, it was pretty funny. I had a playful wrestling match with the girl, I think it was the first time we’d ever laughed together. I had her on the ground and tickled her until she couldn’t take it any longer, she screamed in fits. Isaac came down from his shower at that moment, looked at us puzzled, he was wearing a pair of shorts to beat the heat, and no top, I felt a blush come to my cheeks and I helped Jessica up quickly. I felt somewhat embarrassed.

Jessica just laughed and grabbed a hold of my waist and tickled me, I’m not immune to tickles, I fell back and Jessica had me powerless, I tried to fight her off, laughing my head off, her light tickles just made me squirm and scream in response. Isaac just stood there, watching, smirking to himself.

Jessica grinned, "You’re not so triumphant now, are you, are you?" she tickled more.

I screamed, "I give in! I give in!!!"

Jessica eventually stopped, I leaned up, half breathless, I hugged my belly in case she felt like starting up again, Jessica’s eyes were lit up, for a moment, I could tell she had really forgotten about her troubles this last week or so.

Isaac helped me up, "you okay?"

"I’m not that susceptible to tickles," I snorted, trying to be proud, but Isaac saw right through me and just laughed, "Okay," he finally agreed.

I picked up my bag and Isaac saw me to the door, we stood outside in the front garden, he folded his arms casually, "Thanks…for…y’know…" he trailed off.

"Thanks for what?" I asked, I didn’t understand what he was thanking me for.

"Jessie hasn’t…been too happy lately…I dunno…to see her laugh just now…" he almost seemed plagued with heartache at his family’s problems at that moment too, just as Jessica had been. He looked down at the ground, unsure of how to say it.

Now I understood, "hey," I touched his arm, I could see his eyes raise to mines at my touch, "It’s okay. Jessie is a kid, she’ll recover eventually. Kids recover every day. Jessie’s strong and smart and she’ll get through," I explained.

"Thanks," he nodded softly.

I smiled, "I’ll see you later," I said, and I slung my bag over my shoulder and went on my way. I could tell he was following me with his eyes, to see which way I was going, maybe to find out where I lived? I wasn’t sure.

Oh, diary, if only you could have seen him today…he’s so…incredibly…vulnerable.

I didn’t sleep much last night, something was bothering me, and I wasn’t sure what it was. I talked to my mum about my job last night, I told her about the kids, she said it seemed like I was getting pretty attached.

When I tried to sleep last night, I realised it was true. I was getting attached.

They were the family I had never had, I loved everything about them, to Taylor’s friendliness, to Isaac’s sweet smiles, to Zac’s stubbornness and Jessica’s brooding.

Friday, it was still pretty warm, and the kids had their half day, me and the kids decided sitting outside and get some fresh air, might be a good idea. I smeared Zoë, Mackie and Avery with sunscreen, Jessica refused, she said she wanted to work on her tan and borrowed Zac’s sun-oil and spread her body along the grass, comfortably, Mackenzie and Avery had water fights, filling their supersoakers with the garden hose. I put a sunhat on Zoë and she sat playing in the sandbox. I sat beside Jessica, "Hey," I said.

Jessica cracked an eye open from behind her sunglasses, and replied to me with, "hi."

"How you doin’?" I asked of her.

"I’m okay," she gave a nonchalant shrug, she seemed preoccupied.

I could tell she was lying, something wasn’t okay, but I didn’t want to pressure her.

Mrs. Hanson returned home on time – I was actually surprised. Isaac arrived home at the same minute, usually Isaac had a habit of arriving home just before his mother did, it was actually just as I was leaving that I found him at the garden path, we looked at each other.

"Oh…mom home already?" he asked.

"Yeah," I held on to the strap of my bag which I wore over one shoulder.

"You busy tonight?"

"Maybe," I said, "I’ll see what messages are on the phone for me when I get home. Maybe some…secret admirer has left some phone messages on my answering machine or has left flowers on my doorstep," I joked. "But romance is dead, so that’s not gonna happen," I grinned, "I’ll see you later."

Isaac smirked, "I guess I’ll see you on Monday then."

"Definitely."

"Have a nice weekend, Jo."

"You too," I said, and with that I headed home.

That night I got the shock of my life…

At 8pm, the doorbell rang and I went to answer it, and on the doorstep were a dozen red roses…

The card attached had the most beautiful handwriting I had ever seen on it, in black in were scrawled the words…

"Romance isn’t quite dead yet"

It’s time to start wondering…

The roses had to be from Isaac, there was no other explanation, I’d said romance is dead and that had been the cliché on the card. God, what was I going to do?

I work for his mother, it’s going to be very awkward having to see him now…and although, yes, it was quite romantic – probably the most romantic thing a man had ever done for me – how could I let my girlish glee that some guy sent me red roses push aside the fact that Isaac and me weren’t going to work out.

Totally from different backgrounds. Isaac was smart, educated, mature and responsible…

I was a total fuck up and I’d just hold him back.

Maybe it was just a joke…maybe just a ploy to make me feel better. I wasn’t sure, I so much wanted to call and find out…but I was too scared to.

The phone rang at 4pm today, I was so afraid it would be him, hoping for a date. I picked up the receiver with a trembling hand and I said hello. It was Taylor. He said he was sorry we hadn’t had the time to chat in a while. I asked how things were going with his girlfriend, he said they were back to normal – as normal as normal can be, he added. We talked, somehow the subject of Isaac came up…

"He’s the kinda guy every girl wants to take home to mother," Taylor explained, "did you get his flowers?"

Oh no, I thought, "Uhm…yeah."
"Isn’t that a bit over the top, I mean I know he’s a born romantic and everything, but…I mean…all of a sudden he’s sending you roses…"

"Yeah…I thought that too…" I trailed off.

"You don’t like him?" Taylor asked of me.

"To be honest, I never really…thought about it…"

I dropped the conversation there, Taylor didn’t try to bring it up, his girlfriend had arrived at his house and he said he had to hang up, so I let him go. I spent the rest of the day wondering about Isaac…

I spent the whole day pondering, looking at the roses as they stood in a vase on my windowsill. I couldn’t understand what was going on. This was just…so sudden to me. Why would Isaac want to send ME flowers?! It wasn’t as if I was some beautiful babe every guy on earth would jump on the chance to romance. It didn’t make sense.

And he WAS my boss’s son. Of course, Mrs. Hanson hadn’t made any statements about me not dating any of her eldest sons, but I guessed it was in the unlisted rules, another one of those unlisted rules should have been not to get too emotionally attached to the family – after all, if Mrs. Hanson decided to terminate my employment I would probably be heartbroken. But still, that definitely couldn’t be helped.

How did Isaac find my address, I wondered.

My mum, she of course, had to think it was the most romantic thing in the world, I didn’t tell her who the roses were from, I didn’t want her knowing they were from Isaac, my boss’s son. What WOULD she think? She’d just tell me that I couldn’t get involved with someone I work with. I don’t work with him, I just work with his family, he’s just related to my boss, that’s it. But still, it just wouldn’t be a good idea.

How was I going to face him tomorrow? Or ever again?

I caught Isaac this morning, I ended up going over like five minutes earlier than usual and Isaac was running late, he came down the stairs just as I had been entering the hallway.

"Mom, have you seen my pants?!" He demanded in a flurry, I noticed the only item of clothing he had on were a pair of flimsy paisley patterned boxer shorts, he took one look at me and gasped my name. Then he rushed back up the stairs, I wish I’d failed to notice his boxers were falling down at the time, I could see the crack of his ass and I covered my eyes in complete and utter shock.

Mrs. Hanson gave a sigh of embarrassment and took me to the living room, the kids were getting ready for school, Mackenzie had trouble tying the laces on his shoes because they were knotted from the night before. I gave him some help, moments later, Isaac walked in sheepishly, dressed in smart black trousers and a white shirt, a purple and black tie. His hair gelled. He glanced at me, embarrassed and somewhat, awkwardly, his cheeks went red, just as Taylor’s usually went.

Mrs. Hanson handed Avery and Jessica their lunch money for the day, Zoë toddling around. Zac came down, shoving past Isaac playfully, "Hey, Jo," he said.

"Hi…" I said.

Isaac kissed his mother on the cheek goodbye, said an awkward goodbye to me, and waved his siblings goodbye and he left as well. Zac ran into the kitchen to get some breakfast, Taylor came down a moment later, he glanced at me, gave a cheerful smile.

"Hi, Jo."

I smiled, "Hi."

Mrs. Hanson said bye and had to hurry out, I heard her red Ford Fiesta drive away outside.

Taylor took a seat, he still had his sneakers to put on, I noted they were an expensive pair, none of your cheap Reebok, these were Kickers that I’d seen in a catalogue for at least over a hundred. He slipped into them and tied the laces, "How’s it goin’?" He asked.

Zac ran out of the kitchen, munching on a slice of toast, "Tay, we’re gonna be late, the bus is due in about three minutes."

"Shit," Taylor got to his feet, "Nice talkin’ to you," he joked with me and him and Zac ran out the door.

I got the kids organised, I put Zoë in her buggy, and we left to get Jessica, Avery and Mackenzie to school.

When I got home, Zoë had fallen asleep in the stroller, so I adjusted the seat so it tilted back and I made her more comfortable, and I cleared up some of the kids mess from this morning. While I was cleaning up, I happened up on a photo album that had been lying around under the couch, I pulled it out and flicked through. The Hanson kids sure were cute when they were young, especially Zac, Zac looked so innocent and childlike, and somewhat impish. The girls were little angels, and still were to this day. These pictures were taken before Mackenzie must have been born. Isaac at fourteen didn’t look much different from today, of course, his hair was different. I discovered through a number of photos, at one point all the brothers had been wearing their hair long, I found three photos of Mackenzie at the end. One heartbreaking picture of Mrs. Hanson with her Husband. I felt so bad for the kids, I wondered if they looked at this picture and pondered just as I did. Poor children.

Isaac came home at twelve.

"Hey," He said, he came through the door, he rubbed his forehead with a Kleenex.

"Hi…"

I felt so shy around him, was he going to ask about the flowers? Or just play it cool and pretend he didn’t send them?

"How’s your day going?" He asked.

"It’s going fine," I assured.

"I got sent home sick," Isaac admitted.

You sure don’t look sick, I thought. "Oh, okay," I nodded. I was about to say I should probably go, but before I could move, I found his lips on mines…

For a moment, I kind of responded, it felt so good, I melted in his arms, and then…

Then reality sunk in, I pulled away, he looked confused, and almost as if I had hurt his feelings. I grabbed my bags, "since you’re home, you can pick up the kids and stuff…I don’t feel so good…" I lied, I kind of swayed, making it totally believable, I think I swayed because I was more off balance because of his move on me. I didn’t say bye, I rushed out of there, embarrassed and shocked. I hid in my room all day, I took the phone off the hook, turned my mobile phone off, I put the music up as loud as I could to drown out the sound of the doorbell in case Isaac should come looking for me. God I feel like an idiot.

How could I do this? How could I?! What the hell was I thinking?

After everything I’ve ever promised myself I would never do…

Oh my god, I think I’m going to cry.

It’s six thirty in the morning, right now. I don’t think I’ve slept a wink all night, I can’t stop thinking about what happened. It was nice, yes, I’m definitely aware of that. But Isaac is just…so not my type.

I know the moment we meet up again he’s going to want to talk about this…and I don’t know what I’m going to say, I definitely don’t want to hurt his feelings, he’s such a nice guy. But he shouldn’t have sprang that on me so suddenly without any warning. Okay, maybe those dozen red roses were some kind of warning, but I hadn’t expected him to be kissing me that way so suddenly, I hadn’t had much time to think about anything.

All I can think is he’s not my type…

He’s so intelligent and gentle and caring…and he’s from this almost perfect family – and I’m employed by his mother, and I mean, what if his mother doesn’t like the idea of her perfect smart sweet son liking this common little babysitter.

But funny enough, ever since the kiss, all I can think about is Isaac. It’s ludicrous. He’s an amazing person and I don’t see why someone like him would want to be interested in someone like me.

Okay, so, I left my diary entry earlier and I headed over there, Isaac’s already gone. But he did leave a note on the coffee table for me, it’s sealed in a bright orange envelope with my name on it, I recognised his handwriting, he has a very distinct handwriting, very formal. The kind of handwriting you’d expect to see on an invitation of some great importance. I waited until the kids were at school and Zoë was happily eating breakfast before I opened it. Inside was just a short note, on a slice of notepad paper, in the same beautiful handwriting.

Somewhat, I felt relieved.

At the same time…

I felt…insanely sad.

But I couldn’t complain.

Hmph.

Today, me and the kids had fun, we played rounders in the garden, it’s been so long since I’d played that. I didn’t see Isaac today, and I’m glad, it saved me the humiliation.

Zac’s got a new girlfriend, by the way.

Her name is Sam. She’s a nice girl, I had the chance to speak to her when he brought her home today with him, she’s tiny – I had visions of someone stepping on her. She’s the definition of petite. Trust big old Zac to pick a tiny little thing to go out with. Still, opposites attract I hear…

Isaac decided to come to my house, he came looking for me after work, I’d gotten off early when Taylor came home, he’d missed me. When I opened the door, there he stood, it had been raining outside and he was soaked, his hair was clinging to his head, and for a minute I lost all my senses and thought he looked so vulnerable. I moved aside.

"Isaac," I announced, surprised, "come in…"

Isaac walked, "Sorry for coming to your home," he said, "I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" I asked, I prayed it wouldn’t be about the kiss on Monday.

We stepped into the living room, he didn’t remove his wet jacket. I sat down on the recliner, I had been sitting reading, and listening to music – the radio was on and Aerosmith’s ‘Crazy’ and I was near enough just that.

"It’s about Monday…" Isaac answered.

"Uh huh?" I asked, I sat quiet.

"Why’d…you run out like that?" he asked.

I was speechless.

"I know I’m no Joshua Jackson or Jared Leto…" he began, "But y’know, there was no reason…to…run out like that…I mean…"

"Ike…listen…you’re…nice, but…I can’t…" I began.

"Why? Because you work for my mother?" Isaac was obviously anything but stupid.

"Maybe."

"What does that matter?"

"Because if your mother ever fires me, it would be very awkward."

"Okay, so if that’s one reason, there has to be another…"

"There is no other reason, that’s it."

"So speak to my mom about it," Isaac shrugged.

"I’m sorry, Isaac, I can’t," I sighed, "I…I’m sorry," I explained.

Isaac stood, and sighed, I saw there was disappointment in his eyes, god, did he really like me that much? Surely not, it had to be just a stupid phase. I saw him to the door, promised him I’d see him around. I’m not sure if he was able to accept my let down or not.

Picked the kids up from school, we went for ice cream, to beat the once again, unbelievable summer heat. Jessica said I seemed quieter than usual. Maybe it was because I just couldn’t stop thinking about Isaac. I guess I couldn’t forget the look on his face. I kept seeing his brown eyes and they looked almost hurt.

You might have at least granted the guy one date, I kept thinking.

I don’t know, though, I just keep thinking that maybe I hurt him too much, maybe I was too direct. Being direct, huh. It was so unlike me to be direct.

I couldn’t get it out of my head, and I went home feeling bad…almost empty.

If only he hadn’t been my boss’s son.

If only he hadn’t been more than I deserve.

Maybe then…I would have maybe considered actually what he’d suggested.

No, it was too unthinkable.

The kids were playing snakes and ladders, Zoë was sitting watching TV with me, I was sitting in an easy chair with her on my lap, my thoughts were somewhat distant. Zac came home soon enough, Sam with him.

"Hi, you two," I said.

"Hey," Zac smiled that bright white smile of his, nearly blinded me with it.

Sam smiled shyly, she’s so shy, I just didn’t see her as Zac’s type at all. But Zac likes her, I can tell, every time he looks at her, he just sits there, smiling like a child, me and her had a chat about movies, she was sweet, and interesting.

Diana came home, and discovering about Zac’s little girlfriend, she looked…blank.

The same look children get when you show them something they’ve never before laid eyes upon before.

I slipped out, I didn’t want to interrupt the introductions.

I wasn’t in the mood for going out today, but I guess it was better than staying at home, I wanted to avoid Isaac possibly calling to ask if he could come over and maybe talk some more. And I had a feeling Taylor would call to find out what was going on and why I rejected Isaac. I headed to the mall, and shopped until I had almost absolutely no money left. It was in the Levi’s store that I found my luck ran out. I had chosen a nice pair of jeans, and I asked if I could try them on, the shop assistant led me to the changing rooms, which was a small area, unisex, lined with small booths with doors. The doors only went up to about your head, which I thought was annoying because if someone was passing all they’d have to do was look over the top of the door to see me changing!

Anyway, I was changing in to the jeans, I was surprised, they looked good, so there I was admiring them in the mirrored wall on the left of the booth. I nodded to myself, I’d buy them, even if they were a little pricey.

I couldn’t believe it, just as I was about to take them off, I’d glanced over the door absently, and noticed Isaac and Taylor walking right by, each with their arms full of their clothing choices, they both found booths, they hadn’t noticed me, I ducked down, taking off the jeans at the same moment.

"So she turned you down?" Taylor asked in a casual tone.

"Yes," Isaac sounded upset, I could tell what they were talking about. "Just because mom is her boss. Big deal, I’ve dated people who’ve been related to people I work with, it’s definitely NOT true that it’s just one big complication," Isaac muttered. I heard the tone of his voice as if he was spitting every word out forcefully.

"Maybe there’s some other reason?" Taylor suggested.

"If there was, she didn’t tell me about it," Isaac sighed, "Maybe it’s because I was too forward, I don’t know…"

After that, it was the last they mentioned of me. They talked until they’d finished trying on their clothe – which took a good fifteen minutes. I was trapped in the booth until they left, and I had to wait another ten minutes until they had bought what they wanted to buy and were out of sight, with that, I paid for my jeans and left. But they caught me eventually, I was heading ‘Millie’s Cookies’ to get myself a bag of extra large double chocolate chip cookies – warm and melty and definitely good for bingeing on. Funny enough, who arrived at the counter the same moment I did?

"HI!" Taylor said brightly, he clamped a hand on my shoulder in a friendly way, he was holding a Levi’s bag. And fuck, so was I. Isaac noticed that and glanced at me almost curiously.

"Been shopping at Levi’s I see," Taylor noted too.

"Yeah, that was ages ago, I was just gonna get some cookies, then head home," I explained.

"Oh," Taylor said, "You could always join us, we’re just…y’know, hanging out," He explained.

I glanced at Isaac, his eyes searched mines, as if he was looking for a reason. I looked away, back to Taylor’s clear eyes, the friendly comforting eyes I loved staring into. "I dunno, I’m pretty tired," I lied.

"Oh come on, anyone would think you didn’t like hanging out with us or something," Taylor stated.

It’s not that I don’t like hanging out with you, I just don’t wanna make it awkward for Isaac, I thought to myself worriedly.

I was still standing, Isaac went ahead in the queue. What’d he buy?

Extra large double chocolate chip cookies – warm and melty.

I looked at him as if I’d never seen him before in my life.

Taylor looked at me, "we’re gonna see a movie later," he said, "the green mile," he added.

"I’ve never seen that, I heard it’s good though."

"It is," Taylor nodded, "Do you wanna come?"

"I…don’t know."

"Aw, c’mon, you always say you never have anything to do on weekends, never go anywhere, we’re inviting you to join us, it’ll be fun," Taylor smiled that smile that always made your heart melt and your will lean in his way.

"Okay…" I agreed. And so after we ate cookies, we went to the cinema, and we watched the Green Mile. I sat quiet, and I couldn’t help but keep glancing in Isaac’s direction then look away. What I didn’t realise at first was that Isaac knew I was looking. He knew every glance I threw his way. My final glance at Isaac, was just near the end of the movie, and he caught me too quick for me to turn away, he looked at him, in the light from the cinema screen he looked eerily white, his eyes twinkling, he gazed at me as if he were asking me why I was looking at him that way.

I was stuck for an answer, I finally tore my eyes away from him. At the end of the movie, Isaac, Taylor and myself got into Isaac’s C reg Ford Sierra, Taylor asked to be let off at his girlfriends which was a considerable distance from the area me and the Hanson family both lived in, and Isaac obeyed. When Taylor got out and said bye, it was just me and Isaac in the car. Isaac cleared his throat, started the car, "is there…anywhere…you wanna go or do you want me to just drop you off home?" he asked.

"Home is fine…" I answered sheepishly.

And he drove me home, and he parked in front of my apartment building, he turned and looked at me, "see you on Monday," he said.

I paused, "Do…you…want to…come in or something?" I asked, I tried to make it sound casual, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I asked him.

"Sure," He smiled a little, as if he were beginning to forget my rejection two days ago.

We left the car and walked up the four flights of stairs to my house. My hallways are green, dark green at the bottom, light green at the top, separated by mahogany Daido rails, no one was home, as per usual. Sometimes it felt like I was living on my own.

"Do you…live on your own?" Isaac asked, this being his second time inside the house and still having never seen a parent in sight.

"No, with parents," I responded.

"Oh," Isaac said, he looked unsure whether to take his jacket off or not.

"Here, let me take your jacket," I said, I took his faded denim jacket and hung it in the hall and we sauntered into the living room. We sat down, both on the couch. I looked at him, "How are things at home…with your mom and dad’s separation happening and all that?" I asked, it was all I could come up with to say.

"Mom wants a divorce…" Isaac shrugged. "It’s none of my business, though."

"It is your business, you’re their child," I explained.

"Jo…are we here just to talk about my parents…or there something on your mind?"

He seemed to know me so well…and the truth was he hardly knew me at all, yet, he seemed to be able to read my mind, I’d never met anyone who’d been able to do that, not even my parents could tell what I was thinking.

"Ike…look, I’m sorry about—"

"Rejecting me?" he asked as if he could finish my sentences no matter what they were. God I wish that weren’t so, it made me feel somewhat vulnerable.

"Yeah…but I just wanted to say that—"

"We shouldn’t be awkward around each other or stop being friends just because of it," Isaac stated.

I looked at him, it was amazing. He’d taken the words right out of my mouth. I wondered if he had been in these kind of situations before where a girl had to let him down but wanted to keep him as a friend.

"Yeah, that’s what I figured," Isaac sighed, "Isaac’s not good enough to be anything but a friend. I’ve heard this god knows how many times," He looked away, shaking his head, he looked angry, not with me, but at himself, I felt my heart thud just to look at him, seeing him so distressed.

"Isaac, that’s not true."

"It’s what you just told me, isn’t it? It’s what they all tell me, Jo," Isaac responded, "I can’t go out with you, I want to be your friend though. It’s what they ALL say."

I looked at him, he was making this far too hard for me.

I tried to comfort him, I put my hand on his shoulder, he looked at me, again, searching. Again, I found myself kissing him, after promising myself never again, I was kissing the guy again…

And I liked it.