October 17, 2002 continued......
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I would blame it all on PMS but I know that's not fair and that it's the easy way out. It was all me wanting to be me and have my life and control it and there are times like the past 3 days that show me that I CAN'T control my life. If I tried it would be a mess (much like it used to be-when I was in middle school- although it wouldn't look that way to anyone else and I didn't feel that way at the time because of the structure given to me by public school and my very narrow sighted life.....my real "life" was suffering because I was in charge or so I thought ~.but my own selfish choices led me back to the Lord and brought me to a better relationship with Him, for which I am more than thankful!!!!!!!Thank You for Your love and Your presence in my life even when I was far from close to You, Lord. You are so faithful!!!) so yeah, my life would totally be a mess if I was in control and it is things like that that make me so much more dependant on the Lord for everything. Having tough decisions and hard situations show me how much i am (or am NOT) trusting in my Savior to guide my life and to have sway over it. ......and I have to say for atleast the past couple days (i can't even remember before that....the overwhelmingness of the past couple days have been so trying) that i haven't been trusting that He has the wisdom and power to undertstand my problems and fix them and guide me in the path of life (psalm 16:11"You will guide me in the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy. At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.") My life is NOT my own and in a way I have to type this to make myself remember it. I live for and through the Holy God that died for me and lives for me and lives IN me even (do I not know that my body ~my very body~ is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in me, whom I have from God and I am NOT my own?!!!!!**1 Cointhians 6:19**) It's so amazing!!! it is high I cannot attain it! (psalm 139:6) the Lord HAS hedged me behind and before and laid HIS hand on me (psalm 139:5) There is nowhere I can go from his Spirit. (psalm 139:7-8) His Spirit is my life and He gives me knowledge of Him and brings to mind all the things that I have been taught! I am so blessed! the God who created the universe and became man and died and rose conquering death is my Savior and LIVES in ME!!!!Makes intercession for me and is coming back for me!!!!!!!!!!11 ahh!!! my life is His. My life is Him. He is the love of my life and my very life itself!!!!! i am so thankful for this amazing blessing that I have. nothing in this world compares with Him.
I absolutely love this song by Downhere which partially if not completely describes how I feel how incomprehensible my God is!!!! It's called "Great Are You" (it comes from Psalm 8:3-4 and Psalm 18:19.....whoa maybe I'll look those verses up after i type this!!)
"..Because I'll never hold a picture of the whole horizon in my view because I'll never rip the night in two it makes me wonder who am I, who am I, who am I And great are You How I love Your word, My God, My King, Your love cuts through these pages to my heart, As You greive our sins right from the start, and sacrifice and paradise, were in the plans that You made, the plans that You made." -Downhere
ooh~! oops...and i was looking for the song on the CD insert thing and i thought that these words were part of that song, but they're actually from a different song that i looooove and is like TOTALLY MY LIFE right now! whoa!!!!!!!! it's called "Calmer of the storm" (this one is based on Psalm 107:28-30 and Mark 4:37-40.....that's what it says...i really need to look these up!!!!!!! I might put them @ the bottom of this too.....hmm...this is getting long huh>?! lol!)
"When everything is wrong The day has passed and nothings done and the whole world seems against me When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head, I'm afraid of sinking in despair. Teach me Lord, to have faith In what You're bringing me will Change my life and bring you glory There on the storm I am learning to let go Of the will that I so long to control There may I be in Your arms eternally I thank You, Lord You are the calmer of the storm. You rebuke the wind and the waves Once again I find I'm amazed, the power of Your will Because I'm a child of little faith I feel the wind and forget Your grace and You say "Peace be still" And oh when a torment blows, In the middle of the sea, May I never trust in me, Never trust in me, 'cause there in Your Arms I find no tragedy There on the storm, I am learning to let go, The white waves high, It's crashing o'er the deck and I don't know where I go, Where are You Lord, Is my ship going down? The mast is gone so throw the anchor should I jump and try to swim to land? There on the storm, Teach me God to understand Of Your will that I just cannot control There may I see oh Your love protecting me I thank You, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thursday, October 17, 2002 10:24:35 PM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok i better go now.....my parents are like coming in here and telling me to go to bed! lol....i need to too....I've been going to bed so late and i stopped getting up early because i thought it was making me sick....but I think I need alot of time with the Lord tonight and tomorrow so I'm forgoeing a little physical comfort (even with * this week) for some spiritual renewal and growth...cuz really...which is more important?! Jesus! He's always the answer! (there's another "amazing"!!!!!) Check that out in your own life today.....how many times is Jesus the RIGHT answer to your problems or decisions?! EVERY TIME Y'ALL!! I HAVE TO TELL YOU!!! I love you, whoever is reading this and I am praying that what you have read will impact you and help you to grow in love and knowledge of the TRUTH (and who's that?---JESUS!!!!!!!!!) ok buh-bye y'all! Love always in Him, Rachel ><>