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| Hey, I'm writing this @ home....on Thursday night.....i won't be able to post it 'til next Tues. I guess.yeah. I didn't get to write anything on here today because I was told about CGR (Christian guitar resources- www.christianguitar.com ....or something like that) and the seduction of this radical, pepsi-and-pretzel-cool message board site pulled me in from that, taking all of my time and keeping me from doing what i was there to do (my schoolwork). So I think I'm not gonna let myself go on next time til all my school is done for the day (which will be never so....) Pray for me though. This is a temptation that easily took the place of my work on my priority list and as you know "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (SO WEAK!!!!! I'm practically a free-bleeder so to speak on spiritual terms! I can't do anything without trusting in the power of the amazing Holy Spirit who gives me the power to overcome my oh-so-TWISTED ~~>to quote jasmine in "aladin" hahahaha!!~~ ways) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| I've been learning alot about that verse and how valid in my life it is the past couple days! I know it's been seven (7!!!a whole week!) days since the last time I wrote this, but that's ok. There are so many things in my life that I try to do myself (good and bad) and I've noticed since I was reading about the hypocrites in Mark 7 and then of the withered fig tree and the people making the temple a house of theives in chapter 11, that I am just making my life so invalid (if that word can be used here...i don't know) by trying to live it on my own. Last night @ the prayer meeting someone said (i can't remember if it was the speaker or someone in my prayer group) "we were not created to live our lives for ourselves.....we were created for God's own good pleasure"!!!! For Him!! Duh, rachel..."that in all things, Christ might have the preeminence"....anyways...so I was reading these passages (i'll include them below if yu want to read them too) I was like, 'are these me?' and I know that I have been the hypocrite and the fig tree, but also i have made the temple of the Lord (my own body, myself) a den of theives because I have been deceiving myself and deceiving others by trying to live my life on my own. I make my Savior's power seem almost worthless by not letting Him use it through me. I could be of so much use to my Master if I wasn't so self-centered. I have always though that my life was for me....and as a Christian I was to glorify God in it.....but this was different.....: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| To glorify God, with the power He has given me in the Holy Spirit for His pleasure!!! Not for anything I could gain from it! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Everything in my life is His. This freedom is unexplainable!!!!!!!! I don't have to do anything but surrender!! In my weakness His strength is made perfect!!! He has the power over my life!!!! My Savior and Redeemer and Friend and My God and My Father have full sway. I have nothing to do with it! I am just a vessel for Him to speak and shine through!!!!. Lord, please sanctify this vessel and keep me close to You, clinging to You and nothing else.....none of the temptations of this world....don't let me depend on the people of this world and especially not on myself (who I KNOW is a deceiver) I was not meant to live off of anything but Your love and Your grace and Your amazing power as shown in Your Son's death and ressurection. You're all I want. You're all I've ever needed. I love You Lord and I know now more than ever that I cannot love You without Your grace applied to me and Your working through me every day!!!!!!!! Show me Yourself today and show me Yourself tomorrow and let me not look past You to anything else. You are my life. My Life forever. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| MORE OF TODAY......CLICK HERE but read below first!!!!..that's the REST of this page!! haha i'm messed up, I know!! ha! |
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| Ok so today I had a little traumatic experience involving uptown Charlotte and my unwillingness to grow up.. I won't talk about it in detail, but Sarah and I were totally not on the same "thinking" page today and some things happened involving a Starbucks and getting lost and sarah calling me stupid and retarded and my feelings being hurt very badly. (mostly because of my perception of her lack of sympathy for me) but you can't understand that from the small amount of information ~and I am so unwilling to give anymore because that would make me sound stupid and retarded (which you will realize by reading on anyway). So that little incident happened to add to the past few days in which I have been forced to think about college and my future (to quote John Reuben- "to the future...in the palm of God's hand") and my responsibilities and having to get a job and a car while homeschooling and going to CP ( AND SOMETHING ELSE * that unfortunately plagues me once a month) So, being the self-deceiver that I am I was feeling overwhelmed having to think about all these things and feeling very alone in my problems and my life that I started to get a little depressed and (what a jerk i am) I totally blew up @ my brothr yesterday b/c he was being annoying and got into a bad argument with sarah today b/c of that uptown excursion thing......... (and next page please! haha!) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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