| updates on my life |
| friday, august 16, 2002 today was an ok day. i was going to hang out with one of my friends, but she decided to do something with her bf instead. whatever happened to the *sniff* sanctity of friendship?!? nah, it turned out alright b/c one of my best friends called me up to go shopping with her at square one and heartland... how could i refuse her? so, anyway, i didn't really buy anything except for a $5.34 skirt from 'le chateau'. after that, i headed downtown to go to c.i.a.... now this is the part that kinda pissed me off: nobody was there! the program, as i later assumed when i saw that all the church's lights were turned off, had been cancelled. meanwhile, i kept on walking from the front doors to the gym to see if anybody had arrived, and then from the payphones to those two spots. sigh. after a few futile phone calls and more muttering while pacing (making the people in the nearby restaurants stare), i decided to head to chapters to read a few magazines and books. there was no way i was going to waste two ttc tickets just for 30 minutes of waiting! anyway, got home a few hours ago, and am now feeling kind of drained. not as much as from the shopping, but more of a general 'blah' feeling. i think i gotta work on my "resentment issues"... they're not too healthy. these days, i seem to be getting more irritable over little things. fortunately for me (and the objects of my so-called wrath), i get over them fairly quickly and i don't hold grudges either... but still... anyway, i'm off to sleep now. i have to be well-rested for tommorrow. i have my second-last softball game of the regular season. we're undefeated so far (8-0) and i hope that the streak will last for the next two weeks... go spirit jr! thursday, august 15, 2002 well, nothing really went on today. sigh. university is in less than two and a half weeks AND I'M FREAKING OUT!!!! how am i supposed to be getting ready? i have no idea what to expect! i'm making a list of things i need to bring/buy before i leave, and i'm getting extremely paranoid that i'll forget something. not that it's the end of the world if i do forget something -- it's only a three hour drive -- but it would be too much hassle, you know? anyway, i'm pretty much worried about ALL aspects of university. 1. the roommate issue -- this isn't too much of a problem. i'm going to be rooming with one of my best friends from school. i'm just kinda worried that we'll end up hating each other's guts... but if we manage to survive from this year unscathed, we'll probably be even better friends than before. 2. the everybody else issue (a.k.a. nobody likes me!) -- i'm generally a nice person (all my yearbook messages say that i'm "sweet") but i'm not that good at making friends in unfamiliar surroundings. i can be really outgoing and crazy around my friends, but i'm pretty quiet around new people (especially those who intimidate me because they exude tons of confidence and make me feel dorky and "uncool"). it's mostly because i'm an insecure person who wants to be everybody's friend (and doesn't want to say anything "wrong" that would have me ostracized). oh whatever. i'm bound to make a whole bunch of friends, right? 3. the i'm going to fail issue -- let's just say that i don't test well.... and that i've gotten out of the habit of doing homework for the past two years... and that i procrastinate much... 4. do i really want to do sciences for the rest of my life? 5. what the hell am i going to do when i'm left to fend for myself (without my parents around)? 6. the religious issue -- for the past while, i've been getting pretty lazy and apathetic, so i want to make more of an effort to be an active christian this year. i'm going to need discipline and self-control, which i seem to be lacking as of late. i don't know. i just want to get my spiritual life back on track. yes, i'm still going to have fun and party with my friends, but i just need to show a little restraint and remember to think more "godly" i suppose. and do my devos. because i haven't done them in ages (and sadly, i'm not exaggerating there). oh, and when i say 'partying' i don't mean "boozing it up", it's not exactly my thing. 7. how on earth am i going to find everything that i need? i have to do so much shopping! 8. really, how am i going to do in university? what if i get a bad teacher? 9. i have no idea what i want to do anymore. 10. ?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! |
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