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| Mazzy & Prebuffy present |
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| ******Mazzy****** If he hadn�t left Sunnydale, then things would have been different. Buffy wouldn�t have died. Spike wouldn�t have returned, and if he did, Angel would have dealt with him directly. Things would have been different. He�d often questioned his choice. At the time it seemed right. If he had stayed, Buffy would have gone on loving him, and he would have let her. But he was so undeserving of her love. She needed to grab hold of some kind of future. Leaving to give her that was his great sacrifice for her. Even if her choice was to love the soldier-boy he disliked instantly, it was still better for her to have a somewhat normal guy than a life with someone who could never fully love her in the way she wanted. Angel didn�t make this sacrifice for Spike. Buffy deserved more, and Angel had made his choice based on this. He left her for her own good and to make amends for his curse, knowing full well that he may never feel true happiness again. The sounds of night were hollow around him as Angel strolled around the block, lost in the thoughts of his inner conflict. Something unexpected had happened to him when he came to Los Angeles. He left for Buffy, but he discovered that what he really needed was to find a life he deserved�friends by his side, friends who cared about him, and people, like Cordelia and Connor, that he cared about in return. If he hadn�t left, that would never be. But why was he so deserving? Who was he? He had been the Scourge of Europe, showing no mercy to any man, woman or child that crossed his path, and he reveled in his legacy. He never asked for his soul to be returned�not the first time�not even the second time. But Spike had willingly sought his out. Angel�s sacrifice for Buffy paled in comparison to Spike�s for her. Did that make Spike more worthy of her? The thought killed him, but even worse, the realization that it was probably true, pierced his cold heart. And now Spike�s future happiness lay in his hands? Angel paused to look up at the brilliant stars. He thought of how humans wished upon them, hopeful good things would come to pass. Did Buffy wish upon them too? And if so, what did she wish for? During their entire phone conversation, she never said a word. But she did hope. She hoped Angel would help Spike. Angel looked at the pavement below his feet, almost unwilling to make any move, feeling as stuck on the walk as he felt in his mind. Who did he owe? Buffy for being unable to fully love her? Spike for taking him under his wings for a mere eighteen years, and then unwillingly abandoning him? What did he really have to make up for? Or maybe he just owed it to himself�to do right by the innocent. Maybe helping them to cope, to even possibly come together was part of his amends, his ultimate sacrifice. �Hey Angel-face, what�s with the gloom?� An upbeat, familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. Angel saw Lorne approaching him on the path. The ever-present smile of his green-faced friend lightened him immediately. �Is that what it is? Gloom?� �Well, if it�s not gloom, it�s probably doom, and frankly, I�ve seen a bit too much of the doom lately.� Lorne, ever intuitive, guessed at the trouble. �Is it Cordelia? She doesn�t remember YOU.� He spoke the word in a way that indicated he meant the plural form of the pronoun�what it meant for them to be a pair. �No, it�s not.� Angel shook his head. �She�s in Sunnydale, hopefully getting better.� �Oh,� Lorne said knowingly as he rubbed his chin, �It�s the blonde one then.� Angel�s eyes widened in surprise. Leave it to Lorne to know about his favored childe. Lorne felt free to speak advice. �I don�t think a Buffy/Cordy reunion will be too catty. I mean Cordy doesn�t remember your feelings, so Buffy certainly won�t�� �No,� Angel interrupted, �not that blonde one, not exactly. I was referring to Spike. He�s like me now.� �Like you?� Lorne was confused and punctuated his emotion by placing a hand on his hip. �How do you mean? He�s cursed or something?� The reality of Spike�s �condition� overwhelmed Angel, but the presence of his horned friend inspired him to at least make a show of trying to be sympathetic. �He has a soul, but there�s more to it than that.� Angel searched for an explanation. �He doesn�t show it, but he�s lost. He�s searching, and he�s only at the beginning of a journey that I may be able to help him with. It might be hard for you to see...� �Kiddo, hard for me to see?� Lorne smiled and gave his friend a playful push on his shoulder. �Just get your boy to sing me a little tune, and I�ll see right into his new found spirit.� Angel brightened at the suggestion. �Singing?� There was barely a question now that he would really make an attempt to help. He�d figure out why he chose to do so later, but ultimately, he knew it was the right thing to do. �Well, it�s a start. Come on.� Angel gestured toward the saloon, briskly walking toward its inhabitants as Lorne followed his lead. Lorne recognized the destination. �Oh Lusaka�s! I was just on my way to play some piano there.� Angel looked at him, eyebrows raised upon hearing the information. �What?� Lorne gestured to himself, confident as ever. �You think I�m going to let all this talent go to waste?� ********* Anya was already at the edge of town when Xander spotted her. �Anya, wait!� he called after her, fruitlessly. She refused to stop. He quickened his pace, sweating when he finally caught up. He grabbed her shoulders to turn her around. �Xander Harris, you let go of me right now�or�I will turn you into a toadstool.� Xander gave her his favorite �you�re bluffing� expression as Anya scrunched up her nose in annoyance. �What do you want? You think you can double deal in the same night?� Anya huffed. �Think you can proposition me after you�ve already had a taste of her peach tree?� She stormed away, but she looked back at him. �I�m not that desperate, no matter how good the orgasms are!� He caught up to her again. �Ahn, it�s not like that at all,� but he knew he couldn�t exactly fool her. He looked down shamefully. �Ok, there was some kissage, but it�s not as if�� She refused to let him finish. �I knew it! I could tell the moment you two walked into that place.� She waved her arms furiously at him. �Ha! I bet she even created that diversion with the vampire just so she could run out and have you chase her.� And then she added, a look of rage in her eyes, �and comfort her!� �Ok, wait a minute,� he stopped her raving, �You�re way out of line. Cordelia and I have a history that has nothing to do with you. She needs a friend right now, and at the moment, it looks like I�m the only one willing to help her out.� Anya sighed deeply, anger seething as she thought of the two of them together again. He grabbed her arms tenderly, beckoning her to look him in the eyes. �I�m sorry this hurts you. That�s not what I meant, but we have to get on with our lives. We haven�t been together for months now, and you moved on way before I did.� She narrowed her eyes at him. �That�s way harsh, Xander, and it�s entirely unfair.� �Nevertheless,� he reasoned. �Things between us have changed. I don�t blame you for anything. I know I screwed up. I screwed up with Cordelia first.� He stepped away from Anya, ashamed of his foolishness. He turned back to her, impassioned. �But I have a chance to help her�to try and make things right�to make something right, for once! I�m not asking you to like it, but I hope you�ll understand why I need to try.� She begrudgingly began to accept his explanation. �Fine, I will try and understand it. Can I go now?� �Anya, I know this isn�t easy for you. In fact I�m sure you wouldn�t put up a fight if I said it pretty much sucks from where you�re standing, but I think somewhere in there is a friendship between us.� He looked hopeful. �So, I�m asking for your help, as a friend.� Anya hated to be the kind of being who turned her back on someone who needed her help. Maybe it was the vengeance demon thing. She always felt beckoned to help the hopeless. And Xander definitely qualified as hopeless. Though she would rather wreck havoc on him and Cordelia, she could at least see what he wanted from her, maybe it would suit her vengeance needs. She sighed reluctantly, confirming her agreement to help. �What do you want me to do?� Xander smiled broadly. �We need a magic supplier and a little bit of your special brand of talent.� He put his arm around her, in a chummy sort of way. �Actually, it might not be so bad for you. If you help me help Cordelia, she�ll remember how much I pissed her off and then you could both hate me.� �Well, that would make me superbly happy.� She brightened at the prospect as the two headed back toward the heart of town. ************* Buffy felt a little guilty for doubting Willow, but she had good reason to. She hadn�t done a lick of magic since she�d been back from her so-called rehabilitation and it was only natural for her to feel at least a little wiggly about the next attempt. And what if it backfired? Angel might never forgive Buffy if anything really bad like that happened when he expected she would take care of things. Willow had made the lame excuse of needing to go to the bathroom to get away from her friend, and Buffy at least took comfort in the fact that she seemed to be able to manage her temper. Dawn gave Buffy a wink and a smile as she followed Willow to the ladies room, which left Buffy alone with Cordelia for who knew how long. She just hoped it wasn�t too awkward. �So, you�re a demon? So, uh, how long has that been going on?� Cordy took a sip of her drink and glared slightly at the Slayer. �Well, not that I can exactly remember, but I don�t think it�s been too long.� She looked more carefully at Buffy. �And you�re a what? A Slayer? What�s the point of that when your best friends are vampires and demons?� Buffy spoke through gritted teeth. �It�s not as black and white as that. I mean, if it was, I would be wiping the floor with your butt right now, wouldn�t I?� Buffy silently reprimanded herself for being so defensive. �I mean, not that I really would do that. You know I am here to help, really!� Cordelia just looked at her in an expression of disbelief. Buffy felt bad. She was a bit like the old Cordy. She had to be hurting inside, but she would never give anyone, especially Buffy, the satisfaction of knowing it, so she used the mask of bitchiness and lack of tact. She at least hoped that Xander was being of help to her. �So what exactly can you do with the demon powers, aside from the glow thing?� �I have really exceptional powers. Uh huh, REALLY exceptional. I can�t even explain.� Cordy tried to cover�to make it seem like she was in touch with this side of herself that in truth frightened her so much. It was a side of herself she barely understood nor could control. All she knew was that she was not thrilled with this thread of conversation, so she quickly switched gears to make it go away. �You know, Xander was right about one thing.� Cordelia assured the Slayer. �What�s that?� Buffy inquired hopefully. �These cosmopolitans are to die for! I do remember liking them.� She took another sip of the cocktail and let its sour limey taste roll over her tongue. �So you remember some things?� Buffy seemed a wee bit confused as she downed another big gulp of her frothy concotion.. �Well, I mean, I�m not a total imbecile. Obviously, I remember how to dress stylishly and how to socially interact with others and even that I was good at accounting and acting.� Cordelia felt happy about her accomplishments. �I�ve got a theory.� �What�s that?� Buffy grew more curious and began to recognize some more traits of the old Cordelia that she knew and even kind of admired. �Well,� the memory-stricken girl replied thoughtfully, �you know how you and Willow were arguing about my memories being in a bad place?� Buffy nodded. Cordelia continued, �Anyway, that got me wondering about where they were. I don�t really think there in any particular place. I think that they�re still locked into my brain. Like with all my other subconscious thoughts. I just kind of need the right key to get them out.� Buffy considered this logic. �Hmm, that makes the kind of sense that is.� Cordelia smiled to herself, proud of her brilliant thinking. Buffy crushed her pride a bit when she finished her reply. �Of course, it�s not like that�s a totally easy solution.� She looked thoughtfully at her beer, saw that it was half full and needed to be emptied quick so that she could get some more. She chugged it. Hanging out with Spike had really brought out the inner drinker in her, and as much as that scared her sometimes, it was helpful in awkward situations like this. Cordelia stared at her in surprised amazement. Buffy licked her lips of foam and slammed the mug down on the table. �So, can we do some serious man-bashing now?� ************* Willow was at the mirror applying a coat of raisin lip-gloss to her pursed lips when Dawn spied her reflection in the mirror. �Hey,� the younger girl greeted her. Willow regarded her with a smile as she spoke through a strained mouth. �Hey, so did I see you out there with Jordy?� Dawn smirked at the mention of her new school friend�s name. �Uh huh?� Willow smiled too at the girl�s shyness. �So how is it going?� Dawn seemed to blush a little. �He�s nice. I like him. He�s very different, you know?� Willow grinned knowingly. �Yeah, that�s an Osbourne for you.� Dawn didn�t come in to talk to her friend about a potential love interest. She was feeling legitimately concerned over the tiff she had with her sister and felt the need to play mediator here. �So are you okay?� Willow knew it was only a matter of time before that question. �Yes, I�m fine. It just makes me so mad sometimes.� She turned around and capped the gloss. �If she doesn�t believe in me, who will?� Dawn placed a loving hand on her friend�s shoulder. �I don�t think that�s it.� She attempted to reassure her with insight into her sister�s behavior. �I think she�s just scared.� Willow look dejected. �Yeah, scared I�m gonna go all veiny and try to kill her and everyone else?� Willow gasped, afraid that someone who shouldn�t have might have heard her sudden spurt of irritation. Dawn ducked her head down to check the stalls of the bathroom for ladies� feet. She lifted her head up and smiled at the witch. �It�s okay, it�s clear, and anyway, that�s not what I meant.� �What then?� Willow was relieved but still annoyed. �Afraid that I don�t know what I�m doing? That I�m just making spells up?� �No, you�ve got things a little wackbird.� Dawn shook her head to try and explain. �It�s not you I think she�s scared of. It�s this whole responsibility of having Cordelia here. She�s doing this huge favor for Angel and she has no idea how to help.� She moved her hands around as she spoke excitedly. �I mean, she�s barely dealing with the Cordelia thing anyway, wasting away the night on beer �cause she�s afraid she�s gonna screw it up and not do right by Angel.� Then everything seemed to crystallize in Dawn�s head. �Because, what if he doesn�t do right by her?� Willow eyes grew wide with understanding. �You mean with Spike?� She understood and it seemed to make sense. Though it scared her to realize that ultimately she and Xander were going to have to be the ones to help Cordelia, she knew that things were too heavy for Buffy to deal. She was gonna have to relieve her of the burden and responsibility--no matter how much Buffy protested about her actions. �Oh Dawny, you�re so right! I could just hug you!� Willow leaped on the girl. �Aaack!� Dawn laughed. �Not so tight! You�re gonna squeeze my brains out.� Willow hugged even harder and grinned from ear to ear as a momentous idea suddenly popped in her head. ************ Whups and excitement filled the recesses of the dank room as Spike grabbed the microphone that was set on the stage of the saloon. The red-horned demon sat alongside him accompanying on the piano and giving a nod mixed with an encouraging smile. Spike began to sing, his voice low at first, but on key and in rhythm. I'll never be your beast of burden My back is broad but it's a hurting All I want is for you to make love to me Lorne continued with his reassuring looks, as the crowd of the saloon began to sway with the music of the rock tune. Spike continued with the second verse, a smile beginning to grow on his face. I'll never be your beast of burden I've walked for miles my feet are hurting All I want is for you to make love to me Spike really grew into the spirit of it. He singled out an attractive Vangaz demon at a front table, his voice rivaling Mick Jagger�s as he sang to the pretty blonde. Am I hard enough Am I rough enough Am I rich enough I'm not too blind to see I'll never be your beast of burden So let's go home and draw the curtains Music on the radio Come on baby make sweet love to me Angel and Wesley sat near each other, but not together. Wesley grinned between sips of his pint and yelled out cheers to his new buddy. Angel rolled his eyes at the over-attention his childe was receiving from the crowd, hoping once again, that he�d made the right decision with this idea. Spike licked his lips and continued to sing, loving the adoration of the patrons. Am I hard enough Am I rough enough Am I rich enough I'm not too blind to see Spike kneeled in front of the beautiful she-demon and asked her name. She told him it was Sarah. He seduced her attention with his unique rock-star style. Oh little sister Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl Sarah, you're a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl Pretty, pretty Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl Come on baby please, please, please The crowd roared and Lorne pounded the ivories. One would never have known that he was being fed such vital information from the souled vampire�s performance. Wesley shouted over to Angel. �He�s really quite good.� Angel ignored the flattery. I'll tell ya You can put me out On the street Put me out With no shoes on my feet But, put me out, put me out Put me out of misery Yeah, all your sickness I can suck it up Throw it all at me I can shrug it off There's one thing baby That I don't understand You keep on telling me I ain't your kind of man Spike was such a ham. Despite his groaning, Angel found himself slightly amused by the antics of the one onstage. It reminded him of some old times�the better memories of an unlife badly lived. Maybe they both were lucky to be on the other side of the fray, no matter how painfully it tortured them. He was sure that ultimately, it would be more peaceful for both of them. Ain't I rough enough, ooh baby Ain't I tough enough Ain't I rich enough, in love enough Ooh! Ooh! Please I'll never be your beast of burden I'll never be your beast of burden Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be Spike put down the mic and bowed, applause erupted from the audience, and some customers, including Angel�s formerly stubborn demon underlords, felt compelled to stand up and honor Spike with an ovation. Angel glanced at the previously warring fiends, noticing their sudden camaraderie as he made his way over to Lorne for the diagnosis. By the time he got there, Spike had finished receiving coy kisses from the ladies and he began to come down from his sudden brush with adulation. He motioned for Spike to come join him with Lorne on the side of the stage. Angel wasted no time in gathering the news. �So what is it?� Lorne carefully regarded the both of them. �You wouldn�t believe me if I told you.� |
| Note: The following story takes place prior to Buffy season 7 "Selfless" and prior to Angel season 4 "Spin the Bottle". This commences an AU B7/A4 |
| PART VII |
| Want Spike to sing again? Tell us here! |
| SWITCHED ON |