| Mazzy & Prebuffy present |
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| ****Prebuffy****** Buffy meandered over to the school, walking slowly and taking unnecessary detours. She didn�t know how she was going to tell Spike about his field trip to LA without hurting his feelings, or making him think she didn�t WANT him there. But, the truth was, she didn�t. He needed help, and things only got bad for him � and everyone else � when she was around. She contemplated the bag of blood in her hand and wondered how to tell Spike she cared about him and wanted him to be better, without the usual influx of anger and argument born from an unhealthy turn of events. When she finally arrived at the front door, she stopped cold. Her mind briefly fled from the present and flashed before her eyes all of the times she had stood deep in thought about Spike before entering a building. Then, she had come to him to forget. Now she was here to make sure HE never forgot what it was like to be him. All the evil, and all of the good. She breathed deeply, put on her sympathetic face, and opened the door. Spike was sitting in a corner of the school�s basement, a steel bladed knife in his hand. He was methodically cutting slash marks into the wall behind him. Buffy ran to his side and snatched the knife, scared he had been cutting himself again. �What are you doing?� she asked. �Keeping count,� he replied. �Of what?� �All of the people I�ve killed.� �Why?� �So someone knows. So when I die, again, or when you stake me, everyone will know the price for my one life.� Buffy cringed, looking up and realizing he had covered the entire basement with marks. He turned to her, sad blue eyes looking out from a tortured face. He pointed to one of the marks and stroked the groove with his finger. �This one�s you.� Buffy felt her heart drop into her stomach. �Spike, you never killed me.� �Yes, I did. I killed your feelings for me. I killed us. I took that little flame inside of you and stomped on it instead of making it brighter. It�s the same thing.� Buffy took his face in her hands and turned him away from the wall. She wanted so badly to hold him, touch him, nuzzle him to her body and tell him everything would be alright. But this wasn�t a splinter or a scraped knee. This was a huge gouged hole in his chest, and the pain of hundred plus years of killing. She dropped her hands, brows furrowed in worry as Spike sat, shoulders slumped, dejected, in front of his �count�. She sat next to him and pulled his arm around her shoulder. He tried to retract it, but she held fast, forcing the contact. He stayed an inch or two away from her, as if that lack of ACTUAL touching meant he was still alone with his thoughts and his demons. She scooted over and tucked herself into him, snuggling into the spot she had used when they were lovers. The familiar gesture seemed to relax him a little bit, and he automatically leaned into her, his arm holding her closer and rubbing her shoulder. He laid his head on hers and just sat there, quietly, eyes closed, drawing strength from her warmth. They stayed that way for what seemed like a stitch in time, no words strong enough to break the silence. Buffy lifted her head and looked at him, marveling in the simple beauty of his face: the ice blue eyes she knew lay under those long, luscious lashes, the cheekbones, the full bottom lip, the column of his neck, the spot where the vein bulged out every time she frustrated him, the spot where the vein throbbed when he was whooping it up in a brawl with other demons. He opened his eyes and stared into hers. �You�re sending me away, aren�t you?� She nodded, knowing it was pointless to lie or beat around the bush. He could see right through her anyway. He nodded. �I understand.� He closed his eyes again and inhaled the scent of her hair. He was so close to her, she could see the line of his lips and exactly where they met up with the other. She leaned forward and kissed him softly, the way she had the first time. His arm tightened at the feel of her lips on his, and she tried to retain some of her senses as his mouth gently overwhelmed her. Unable to do anything else, the kiss turned into a KISS, deep and tender. Buffy ran her hand up his other arm and cupped the back of his neck, aiming for some control over the direction. Spike moved her hand and broke the kiss, gasping for a breath he didn�t need. �So, this is goodbye?� His voice cracked at the end, threatening to give away his shattered heart. Buffy smiled at him sadly and touched his face again. �No, silly. Well, yes, but not forever. You�re just going on a, let�s call it a mecca, to learn how to handle your newfound, uh, parts. You�ll be coming back to me in no time at all. I�m not sending out for a new model. I just want this one tweaked.� Spike shook his head. �So, where am I going for this tweaking?� Buffy took a deep breath and said, �LA.� Spike jumped out of his spot on the floor, upsetting her and making her hit her head on the wall. �OW!� �So, that�s why you came in here all nicey-nice and with the sugary talk. You want me to go to ANGEL for help?� �He�s the only one who can help you right now!� Spike stormed back and forth across the basement, pacing angrily. �Right. �Cause we�ve always been bosom buddies. And how about the �Why� part of it, Buffy? What do I tell him if he wants to know WHY I have a soddin� soul now? What do I tell him then?� Buffy got up off of the floor and dusted herself off. She walked over to Spike and stopped him in the middle of the erratic path he was wearing into the floor. �You tell him the truth�that you love me, and you did it for me.� �Oh, I�m sure he�ll get a kick out of that. Then, when he�s thru laughing, he�s gonna kill me! And then laugh some more!� �No, he�s not.� Spike looked at her with hope and mild surprise. �You already told him?� �Well, no, but it doesn�t matter. He�s mature enough to see that this isn�t about exes and lovers. It�s about you and the new path you�re seeking for yourself. It�s about you becoming a man and leaving the monster behind. You ASKED for this, remember? He didn�t. That automatically makes you the stronger one.� And the one without the curse, she added silently. Which is probably something he WILL be pissed about. She looked at Spike for confirmation that something she�d said made sense. He looked down at her and sighed. �Fine. I�ll go for you. Like I�d say no to anything you asked.� Buffy looked at the ground, uncomfortable with the statement of fact. He lifted her face to his and said, �Buffy, I love you. That NEVER changes.� She took his hands in hers and kissed his knuckles. �Tell me that again when you come back.� ******** Cordelia Chase sat in her �room� at Angel Investigations and poured over her high school yearbook. Nothing was clicking. Nothing made a lick of sense. She should know these people. She should know her school colors and her friends' names and what she wore to dances. But, there it was in print, and still, nothing. She slammed the book closed in frustration. She needed some serious help. People with no past have no future. And she certainly couldn�t stay here with a VAMPIRE, a demon, and two other people she didn�t know from Adam. A noise behind her startled her and she grabbed the nearest weapon, a candlestick, and brandished it in the direction of the footsteps. There stood the vampire (What was his name again? Angie? Andy?), hands in pockets, looking unsure of himself and hopping back from foot to foot. �I need to talk to you about something.� Cordelia looked at him suspiciously. �What? Please don�t let it have the words, bite, blood, or sacrifice in it.� The vampire smiled. He was actually rather handsome when he smiled. Too bad he�s DEAD!! her head screamed at her, but she quieted it and tried to look attentive. �It doesn�t. I think I found a way to help you regain some of your memory. I have a friend, well, we have mutual friends in Sunnydale where you grew up, and they�re gonna take you in for a couple of weeks and try to help you remember some of the things you, uh, can�t remember�� She regarded him thoughtfully. �Sounds like a great idea! Then I can figure out who I am, and I can get the hell out of here!� She smiled and thanked the vampire (Anthony?) and began to pack some of the things she had unearthed in her quest for a tangible identity. When she didn�t hear movement, she turned to find he was still standing there. �Is there more?� He looked crushed, but simply shook his head and began to back out of the room. Before he was completely out the door, he came back and stared at her questioningly. �You really don�t remember me? At all? Nothing about me?� �Nope!� she replied cheerfully. �But I�m sure I will. If you are who you say you are.� �Right,� he replied and left the room. Cordelia continued packing, rather gleefully, and threw the yearbook on top of everything, smashing it down and zipping the suitcase. �I sure hope these people know where the mall is,� she said out loud. ��Cause I need some traveling shoes. Oh, and a new purse. Yeah. I think a stop at the mall is in order.� She hummed a little ditty she didn�t know that she knew, and pranced out of the room to go downstairs and catch a cab. She stopped abruptly in her tracks and creased her forehead with worry. �Do I have money�?� ******* Spike stood at the train depot, grumbling. �Why am I doing this again?� �Because you have to,� Buffy chirped. He glared at her. �Oh, right, you said so. I remember that phrase.� She smiled at him and patted his arm for comfort. �You�ll be fine, trust me!� Suddenly, she grabbed him and hugged him, the closest full-body contact the two had had in months. It felt good. �You have to be. Come back to me safely, okay?� She let go of him as the train pulled in and smiled encouragingly. �I�ll see you soon.� He mumbled something unintelligible and kissed her forehead. �Yeah. You will.� He started towards the train and didn�t look back, afraid he couldn�t leave if he did. A buxom blond girl passed him as he stood in the line to board. �Cordelia?� he said. She looked at him oddly and said, �Uh, yeah, that�s me. Hi! I think.� and continued down the platform. He shook his head and boarded the train. ********** As Cordelia Chase, her old nemesis of sorts and kind-of friend walked towards her, Buffy tried not to look too annoyed. This was a different Cordelia than the one she had known, and, well, liked. As much as one liked the former �Queen C�. She even looked different. Buffy smiled and relaxed her stance. She called out her name and saw the changes in her demeanor right away. �Hi. You must be�Buffy?� �That would be me. Cordy? You don�t remember me? At all?� �Nope,� she replied cheerfully. �But I remember how to get to the mall! Can we go there? First!� Buffy grabbed her bag. �Ummmmm, I think we�d better go home first and explain some things.� Okay,� Cordelia replied. �But after, that the mall. I want to meet some more guys like that gorgeous hunk of manmeat that said hi to me on the way over. Do I know him?� �Uhhhhh, Cordy, that�s Spike. Spike the vampire.� Cordelia looked at her incredulously. �ANOTHER VAMPIRE!?! Do you, or I for that matter, know any HUMAN hot guys?� Buffy giggled out loud and rolled her eyes. �Um, actually, no! Yeah. All the hot guys are dead.� They both looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. �Well, actually, there�s Xander,� Buffy said after catching her breath. �But he�s of the past as far as you�re concerned.� �Really?� Cordelia replied. �Hmmm. I�ve gotta meet him then.� �Well, he�s picking us up,� Buffy said and they continued down the walkway towards the parking lot. �Oh, and by the way, I like your hair�.� |
| Note: The following story takes place prior to Buffy season 7 "Selfless" and prior to Angel season 4 "Spin the Bottle". This commences an AU B7/A4 |
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| PART II |
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