When it hurts so bad
By Quicksylver
Song: 'When it hurts so bad' sung by Lauren Hill on her album The Miseducation of Lauren Hill (1998)
Standard Disclaimers apply.
Warnings: Angst,yaoi.



When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?
When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?

Duo is in the airport, his plane has just landed and now he sits in the terminal, unsure of what to do now. He had bought the cheapest ticket he could, not caring where it went. Only that it took him away from Heero. Just thinking of him made him want to cry.

I loved real real hard once but the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd die for, he wasn't even concerned.

Memories cut like barbs as surge of guilt overwhelmed him. He clutched at his bag and ran from the airport into the brisk fall air. He breathed deeply, gasping for breath. He was alone again..he had left Heero.

I tried and I tried and I tried to keep him in my life
I cried and I cried and I cried but I couldn't make it right

He had tried so hard to please Heero, sacrificed so much for live. And in return what he got was pain and anguish.

But if you've ever been in love, then you'd understand.

Yet he kept going back for more, anything from Heero was good enough.

What you want might make you cry, what you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it, if you don't catch it.
And what you need ironically, will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it, if you just let it.

Duo walked, he just walked. His mind was in turmoil, he was so unsure. He sees a church up ahead and stops. Should he go in? He does. The church is small but very beautiful. The bright light of the sun shone through the stained glass, the colours dancing over the wooden pews. He sits on a pew in the back and bows his head

See, I thought this feeling, it was all that I had
But how could this be love?, and make me feel so bad.

He shakes his head, watching the people wafting in and out of the church. It was time to start over...but where? He couldn't let his regrets hinder him. What existed between him and Heero was not love...love doesn't take such high tolls.

Gave up my power, I existed for you
But whosoever knew, the voodoo you do.

He had given everything he could give and love still demanded more. His heart was tired. So many times he had lost what he loved, his heart was too tattered to mend. Everyone he loved was gone.

And if you've ever been in love you'd understand.

Yet he kept on loving, kept on smiling... hoping for love someday. Hoping it would come and save him. if he gave up now he would surely die.

What you want might make you cry, what you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it, if you don't catch it.
And what you need ironically, will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it, if you just let it.

Someone put a hand on his shoulder. It was the priest. He smiled... reminding Duo of Father Maxwell. It was too much. Duo burst into tears, his body racked with sobs. Gently the priest held him, rocking him like a baby. He let the tears flow, so much pain cooped up inside flowed out like a broken dam.

When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?
When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?

His chest hurt but his soul was light. He had cried away the heaviness of his heart. he relaxed into the strong arms, too drained to be strong, to be cocky or cynical. He had found solace in the house of the lord. He fingered the small crucifix. He was safe now and he was finally free.

When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?
When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?

On to I used to love him

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