Warren Schmidt
I am weak. And I am a failure. There's just no getting around it.
Relatively soon, I will die. Maybe in 20 years, maybe tomorrow,
it doesn't matter. Once I am dead and everyone who knew me
dies too, it will be as though I never even existed. What difference
has my life made to anyone? None that I can think of. None at all.
Warren Schmidt
I know we're all pretty small in the big scheme of things, and I suppose the
most you can hope for is to make some kind of difference, but what kind
of difference have I made? What in the world is better because of me?
Warren Schmidt
Helen, what did you really think of me, deep in your heart? Was I really
the man you wanted to be with? Was I? Or were you disappointed
and too nice to show it? I forgive you for Ray. I forgive you. That
was a long time ago, and I know I wasn't always the king of kings. I let
you down. I'm sorry, Helen. Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?
[a shooting star passes by]
Roberta Hertzel
You already know how famously they get along as friends, but did you
know that their sex life is positively white hot? The main reason both of
my marriages failed was sexual. I'm an extremely sexual person, I can't
help it, it's just how I'm wired, you know, even when I was a little girl. I
had my first orgasm when I was 6 in ballet class. Anyway, the point is
that I have been always very easily aroused and very orgasmic, Jeannie and
I have a lot in common that way. Clifford and Larry, they were nice guys,
but they just could not keep up with me. Anyway, I don't want to betray
Jeannie's confidence, but let me just assure you that whatever problems
those two kids may run into along the way, they will always be able to count
on what happens between the sheets to keep them together. More soup?
Warren Schmidt
Eh... no, I think I'm fine now.
