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| You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH." You take a six-pack cooler to church. Your family tree has no forks. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. You use a weedeater in your living room. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You have a rag for a gas cap. The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical genius because he's got thirteen fingers. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor. You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood". Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado. Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. You may be a redneck if you ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together. You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light. You think the stock market has fence around it. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater. You own a homemade fur coat. .................................continued on next page |