Well, here it is, 3 months after my last entry. I find it so strange that a person who strives so hard to follow God and lead a life pleasing to him could so easily be deceived. I had thought I was doing so well. But, somewhere along the way I stepped off the path. Onto one similar, but yet tainted by darker shadows. And the further I traveled, the darker the shadows became, until twilight was upon me. The details will remain vague, but I know that my trespasses have been slowly and steadily elevated. All the while I had thought that I was still doing fine. Such is the way of Satan. He would whisper in your ear that you are doing fine and that it was only a �minor� sin. �You are forgiven�, he would say. But, without the truly sorrowful heart, it becomes just another of his never-ending volley of lies and untruths. Even as I write this very page he fills my mind with the desire to commit sinful acts. He surely knows his business.
I find now that the struggle is more difficult. Satan never wishes to let go once he has his grip. The battle in my mind sometimes goes on for several minutes. With the devil making false promises, one after the other. He knows my weaknesses. Mostly I find myself shouting out the word NO! to block out the onslaught of visions he feeds me, but my will is still fairly weak. (Yet a thousand fold of what it formerly was.) At these times I often fall to prayer but even in my words to God the devil invades. Never a moment�s peace. In many ways I hate the confrontation, but yet many times I also welcome the challenge, for I know that strength is building.
Someday I wish to completely cast the devil out. something that may never happen. I think if that were possible then I would become a saint, for even the apostles of Christ had their shortcomings. I do not think that this goal is attainable in life, but as long as the struggle continues then I believe it can and will happen in the afterlife. In life we will always have weakness, but by living for the Lord and allowing him to lend us his strength, we can become ever stronger. If we lose sight of him completely then the devil will move in for the kill., But if we always try to walk within his blessed light then we will be forgiven our trespasses and someday walk with him in his Holy Kingdom, cleansed.
Fin.~ |
