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Krazy Talk |
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Ben weighs in on the IMPORTANT political issues of this modern age. |
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More and more people are asking me, "Hey Ben, what do you think about STUFF?" Being the well informed and highly edumacated individual that I am (I've ALMOST finished a full year of community college, with near-average grades!) I have many opinions on the truely important philosophical and political issues that we the people face in our everyday lives. This is the section of my humble website (humble? who am I kidding, it's the best site ever!) where I force my opinions down the throats of you, the readers. Enjoy, and remember: The Man isn't keeping you down, he just knows how much you love dirt! |
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WAR! |
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What is it good for? Oil! No... I'm kidding, really... |
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So... it comes to a point once again where you either support your country in its 'peacekeeping' efforts, or you're a commie bastard who deserves to die. I gotta say that on the whole, I don't like war. People die. But then, I hate people... so go war! Kill all the people, penguins inherit the Earth! Viva la Penguins! |
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Puny humans, gaze upon your future masters! Muhahahahahahaha! |
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People. |
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You just don't get much worse than people. With the possible exceptions of ninjas, pirates, and cowboys; people are stupid. Not to mention smelly. We keep fighting stupid wars against one another, when we should REALLY be working on preparing for the penguin revolution. But hey, let's just drill for oil in Alaska and kill all the polar bears. That's a MUCH better idea. Pff. |
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A rare ninja penguin meditates before kicking ass. |
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Homosexuality |
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I hate all people, which logically puts me in favor of homosexuality. Gay people (generally) don't make babies, and so those babies don't grow up to ruin the world, like everyone else's babies do. Seriously, though... If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you insult their mothers, do they not shake their fists in anger? If you steal the last cookie, do they not get seriously pissed? What is the big deal if two people of the same gender want to get married? What are those right-wing nuts so afraid of? They'll breed and have gay kids? If that's the issue, then some serious biology lessons are in order. If you ask me, I think it should be HETEROSEXUALITY that we frown upon, because THAT is what encourages the human race to spread. And if we keep doing that, how will the penguin revolution ever come about? |
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Penguins, much like gay men, are like people; only better dressed. |
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Abortion |
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My position on this one is simple: If you want a baby, make one. If you don't... raise penguins. They're cooler, anyway. |
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Couple'a penguin kids out for a stroll with mommy penguin... yes, I am aware that I totally dodged that last issue. I'm also quite proud of it. |
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More to come... have an issue you'd like to suggest? Want to type out your OWN amusing response to these issues and have me post it? Email me at [email protected]! I just might give you credit! |
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I read your stupid crap. Now you owe me cool chicks! |
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Ok, we already know you're in idiot. Take me home! |
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