So there's a name for my sexual desire to experience things as a woman - you ready for this ? It's Autogynephilia which comes from gynephilia = desire for woman & auto = self, so there you have that's me an Autogynephiliac. Well I never !
Thats me then apparently, i'll try and summarise the main ideas:
Firstly, it's a form of transsexulism that does have a sexual element, in that it's the deisre to be a woman sexually it's not just about clothes and make up per-se. (Interesting that for the first time i find myself identifying as TS not TV. I'm not sure if thats a significant thing or not. it feels more like a re-classification rather than a development as such, a bit like when the fogeys at the Royal Horticultural Society decide to rename a plant under a different genus, new name but same plant right? ) However its not a homosexual drive as the need is for sex as a woman with a man not as a man in panties with a man. take a bit of time to mull that over and you'll see it does actually make sense. This follows thru' with post SRS transexuals who do in fact have sex as a woman with men and not as woman with women which would make sense if it was a gay thing.
Secondly it also explains the inner conflict that rages within me/you? : the autogynephilic drive sits alongside the standard hetero male sex drive and these two collide big stylee! Both are heterosexual in nature: fucking women - self explanatory, fucking men - hetero because the self image is as a women (however unrealistic that may be) and the whole sexual role that is desired is that of a female.
Thirdly it kinda answers my chicken and egg dilemma, namely am I substituting myself for the non-existing female in my life or am I truly desiring a more female part of my life. I believe its both and this theory bears that out. Yes I do want to "be" a woman and yes I do want to be with a woman and I do miss one.
Anyway it seems that this concept of Auto whatsit has provoked a bit of a stir in the TG community. Many are throwing their hands up in horror at the thought of a sexual impetus being part of the TG equation. Huh ? Hello ? Is there anybody in there ? 'Course theres a fucking sexual element you bunch of prissy bitches in denial: we may be TG but we're still human animals and sexual drive/identity is an integral part of every fucking adult on the planet. Seems to me that instead of slagging off professional contributors to the clinical field of TG behaviour we should be applauding them and reasoning thru' the propositions being made in order to advance understanding.
I hope what I've written makes sense, i found out all this accidently yesterday and I've tried to distill a couple of hours surfing into a few paragraphs.(Also this is the second time i've written this - pagebuilder crashed last time so i had to start again and I have a sneaking suspicion that the first effort was better) If you want to know more or check that I'm telling it straight go here: www.autogynephilia.org.
Enough of the heavy stuff already ! I narrowly averted disaster tonight. I thought i'd really messed up my make up but a quick smear of metallic purple eye creme over the eyeshadow and job done - lovely result. Can't say the same for th new eyeliner pen. that will take a bit of practice I think.
Bye for now, take care
Purple
x
