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| BIRTH...Well my take on it | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| So when was Purple born? That answer is not just one single point in time you know ? When the dressing first started, it wasn't: hey presto! Heeeeeeeere's Purple, she kinda grew out of the dressing - like the ripples in water from a stone but in reverse coming together to one point in the middle (meaning now). But that's me being a pedantic fool, coming on all sneery and highbrow quibbling over semantics like an pompous wordy twat when really the truth is the birth of dressing is the birth of Purple. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Firstly I honestly believe that there is a genetic disposition to who I am. It is accepted scientific belief that every embryo begins as female and shortly after conception - 6 days I think -� a massive dose of hormone brings about the development of a male foetus. Bearing in mind the massive scale of the chemical & biological forces creating life, is it really possible that each and every dose of hormone is precisely the same, the very nature of human individuality proves it is not possible. So my belief is that many TG people receive a dose of hormone that leaves them PREDISPOSED to an alternate gender identity. Note the word predisposition ('cos it's important). It doesn't mean it will happen just that the possibility that it might increases. In the same vein I don't� suggest that it is a pre-requisite of being TG� in whatever form that takes. And that's because I believe it's just one part of the story | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| And so to the next strand in the tale, probably the most critical and the most difficult: | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| CHILDHOOD... | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Now obviously I only experienced mine and thinking back now as an adult to childhood friends I can't help wondering how much of my friend's life I ever really knew or understood. Certain events, kids, places - I think of what might really have been happening in his/her life/head? What was the true picture inside? Its true ain't it? The more you know the more you know you don't know! (Rumsfield may be a complete prick but I think what he said made complete sense and it fucking pains me to say so). | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Anyway coming back from the tangent (I do this a lot -better get used to it), Childhood, where the fuck do you start with that little A Bomb? I guess first I set out the general background to mine. White male, born 1970 to 2 struggling working/middle class parents (My mum & dad dragged themselves up from poor south east London working class post war families so I'm middle class) Dad was around a lot, solidly employed, Mum stayed at home till both me and my brother went to school, we lived in the same house (they only moved this year 2003) basically secure, loving and stable.� Before I go any further , this whole rambling scrawl is my take on things and the rest of my family will have theirs and while I'm at it there is no element of blame or judgement in any of this, who made me god? | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| So like I said, it was me and my brother, 3 years olders and he is important for 2 reasons: 1) The way he turned out made Mum & Dad take a different approach with how they raised me. To be frank, It's the most important thing think I've got to thank them for. 2) Who he was, the way he lived, it just taught me to loathe his school of masculinity |
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| �All very well but how was he? Shit, put this in a few lines? well arrogant, angry, uncaring - christ so fucking cold, vicious, superior, dismissive... the list could go on but I guess he was every negative stereotype of masculinity that you can bring to mind. Friends & most of the kids at the schools we both went to were scared/intimidated by him. I don't remember good things from him at all. I was just a thing to be endured: an unwelcome pain in the ass at best, an ever available whipping boy at worst. Mostly mental not physical - he would torment me rather than outright hurt me- it was the incessant never ending omnipresence of him that really fucked me up. And I was so fucking in awe of him, I desperately wanted to be the brother he wanted: for him to like me. But whatever that was I could never be it. (I often think that really he wanted a sister and instead got me, and then I sometimes wonder if he got that from mum, then I sometimes wonder if that whole train of thought is just me looking for a link that ain't there)� | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| That's how he was and so to point 1. Mum and Dad knew from early on to give me a different framework and grounding to my brother: pretty much diametrically opposed to his, to encourage me to be different from him. As he was 110% negative traditional masculinity it followed I had a greater influence from traditional feminine traits and thought processes. They wanted to allow me to be more caring, considerate, thinking and sensitive (man! - that certainly worked) and like I said I love them for it. But it was perhaps an overbearing influence, I sensed so young that I was thinking and feeling more feminine than was usual for a little boy- for fucks sake I was wearing a dress by 5!� Now a contentious issue (Mum denies it - but I ain't convinced) I believe Mum truly wanted a daughter and was disappointed - not with me as a newborn son but that following a 2nd caesarean birth and probably no more children she wouldn't ever have a daughter. Probably mostly subconscious but even so I picked up on it and so developed a wish to be a girl to make mum happy. At the very ileast it added heavy ammunition to the feminine side of my being. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| And the rejecting masculinity? Point 2? Well I suspect that's kinda becoming self evident isn't it?� He was everything I neither wanted to be nor was supposed to be and he was the typical masculine man. Ergo I didn't want it! Give me girls and their code of conduct anytime thank you. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| That's the best snapshot I can give ya' really, it certainly gives the roots of the whole Purple thang' but still it only covers childhood and we grow out of childhood. We change and soak up more of life's experiences, influences shift and we lay down our early standpoints. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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| And so to ... | |||||||||||||||||||||||