...future past...
me... guestbook... visited...site... other
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January 30th, 2001 - 11:44pm
hmm....i�ve been surfing the net, trying to get ideas for
my �site�. see, I wanna do the web page thing too. I
have done it
before, but didn�t keep it up. I wanna start fresh. maybe I want to do this
now, because I feel like I have nothing, and my own page would be something. i�m
bored at work, and feel like i�m wasting each day. I have to drag myself out of
bed every morning. I filled out a questionnaire that I got out of �O� magazine.
this is what it
said and these are my answers. basically I have no direction in life. and i�m
starting to wonder if i�m going nowhere simply because i�m lazy and don�t want to
try. �cause you know, trying is hard. there are lots of things that interest me;
like photography, web page design, teaching aerobics, but it�s like i�m too scared
to try, because i�m too scared i�ll fail. so I just don�t take the chance. I know
I need to start taking chances, but... i�m still here waiting. it seems so easy
when you hear other people say, �i decided to start my own �so and so� and just
went out and did it...�. but when I go to try, I pause and all these doubts flood
in. when I was younger, I wasn�t afraid to try. I was always making things. if
something didn�t work out, i�d figure out a way to fix it, and try till I did fix
it. now, if it�s not perfect the first time, I give up. what happened? where did
my fearlessness go? i�ve become a wimp. one of the good things I have is my
boyfriend, but if I don�t figure it out soon, I think he�ll just lose all faith in
me. as it stands right now, when I say i�m gonna do something, he just says
whatever. he�ll believe it when It happens. because ever since i�ve been with him
(2+years), i�ve never actually done what I said I was going to. that is truly sad.
a change has to happen. now. right now. ...future past... |
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me... guestbook... visited...site... other |