(MaY!)
Beau Keller... isn't that what's on everyone's mind... I wasn't friends with him, we'd just talked randomly... mostly through Travis after they became friends in alternate... In reality his suicide should have little effect on me, but I can't get the thought out of my head. I saw him the day before, just like so many others, he was smiling, and to me looked happier than ever. Of course, I shouldn't be the judge of that because I've walked around countless times grinning like a fool when I've felt devestated - just so people will fuck off and stop pretending to care.
Fucking mushrooms... why does everyone go crazy over this stupid drug? I like it... but you know, it's just not having the same effect on me as it has before... On Saturday I was actually bored... Fucking Pierce and Letasha... come do mushrooms... yay... and then they wander off into the mystical sea wall and ditch me. Yes I was with Adri and Dan who are awesome people and I enjoy spending time with them, but that ain't the point... I hate being ditched over crushes and lovey-dovey shit... It always happenes... Everyone is started to pair up becase YAY spring is here... everyone except me. I don't even want a relationship... but I guess I just don't want my friends to either because, well, who's going to spend time with me when they can go have sex... fuckers.
I smell food...
Pierce called me this morning and said he had to talk to me... I'm really worried about him... I was so upset at lunch time over ... fuck, everything. There's too much to absorb right now. I should just crawl into my locker and ignore everything. Hah. Like I could fit comfortably...
Stupid Brad Heddle stretches his ears way too fast, we've always known this right? Well, yesterday me and Brody were in Electric Lettuce and we were told that he was getting surgery in the back because of it and we should go make fun of him.... So of course we did, and watched Mika take a scalpel and cut all the chunks of ear off so he could strech up to an inch. I took some pics and laughed at his misery and then carried on about my day. Today I heard from Matt W that later that night he had to go to the hospital because the bleeding wouldn't stop... *shudders*
Thought of toasters...
05/15/2003, 12:30pm.
May 13, 2003
So I lowered my meds.... I'm an angry person... I can't get off of them, it's so fucking hard... 3 days is the longest I can go before I snap and try and kill.... something... 2am, Mother's Day. I decided to go clean the bathroom so I could sleep in because my mom was having this barbeque and I had to do it early. So i did that and I still couldn't sleep so I went to clean my room..... I got half way through, emptied out my shopping cart and realised I had no where to put any of the stuff that was in there except back in... and I flipped out and cried for like an hour... It sucked... So since I was STILL up I decided to go wake my mom up and give her her present at 3am.
Last Thursday we preformed our play... I'm very disapointed at the turn out of my friends who love me and want to see me as an Amazon Queen..... that's right you do... So guess what! you're in luck! We're preforming again in A block on Thursday which is 1:30... last block.... yup. So please please come out and support me and Brody... YOU KNOW YOU LOVE US...
Speaking of the play, it went well, except that Richard, who plays Egeus was downstairs checking the hockey score when he was supposed to go on stage with me and Max... So, me and Max had to make up lines and fucking figure out how to make the scene work without him... I felt like such a moron being up there...
Anyhoo, time to get my ass out of this god forsaken place... I'll try and update more often.......
Thought of toasters...
05/13/2003, 2:40pm.
May 3rd, 2003
In Vancouver for my grandpa�s 75th birthday. Using some stupid ass annoying Portugese computer that has all the keys mixed up so I have to copy and paste most of this fucking html code instead of writing it... WHERE IS THE QUESTION MARK!!! FUCK ... grrr I�m so mad...
So... Travis leaves Sunday... he finally got the boot from the old people. He�s leaving forever and I don�t even get to say goodbye properly cause I�m stuck on the fucking mainland... I�m going to miss him so much, I mean what do you do what the person you spend ALL of your time (awake and asleep) with suddenly leaves... I mean yes yes I have other friends, I�m surrounded by people who love me... but it�s not the same. He means so much to me and I don�t think anyone really understands how much.... I feel devistated.
Friday night. Skipped out on the Bad Religion concert, sold my ticket to Amanda and did mushrooms with Travis, Pierce and Letasha instead... They all got fucked but I couldn�t push away the burning thought that this was the last night I was spending with Trav.... We wandered around town all night until I decided I wanted to jump off the sea wall and go down to the rocks under the pathway and explore.... We lost Pierce and Letasha, gave up caring and wandered home stopping only for some dougnuts from Tim Hortens (3am). Letasha and Piercey showed up somtime around 4 with my pipe requesting the pot that was mysteriously somehow in my pocket.... Oh yeah... I bought a glass pipe yesterday, it�s so pretty...........
Thought of toasters...
05/03/2003, 3:15pm.