I hate you. But most of all I hate me...

Today I went to Drama... that's all I survived... I can't take school... it's too much for me... I just get overloaded with stress and feel like taking a shot gun to the halls and blasting all the fucking sleeze and twinkys away... Anyhoo, at lunch I went to Shaina's with Brody and Rob... it was weird... a good weird though I suppose... I stole Rusty... yay. I spent C block with Brody, Jon, Francine and Pierce oh yeah... Pierce got kicked out and is living with me for a few days... poor homeless boy... Then last block... yes... ummm oh grass! Jesse likes grass... I decided since it was sunny last block that I was going to play... so me, Taira, Letasha, and Pierce all played for th whole class... I like rolling down hills into cars... After school I had a nice freak out attack on Travis when he was talking to me and I burst into tears and ran away... fuck fuck fuck... it sucked... and then Brody and him talked to me while I was in a corner till I was better.. and that was my shitty ass day... I be at Mandar's now eating salmon and making fun of Denis... pictures? Check photo page for barely any new photos... I'M LAZY OKAY?!


Thought of toasters... 02/24/2003, 6:42am.


February 23, 2003

Fuck this, I give up... Why am I never good enough for anyone?

It's always her... and it always will be...


Thought of toasters... 02/23/2003, 6:42pm.


February 23, 2003

So, a missed a whole week of this shit... oh well, you missed nothing. I went to 2 classes all week and got dumped last night. There was no school on Monday, I went to my morning classes Tuesday, stayed home Wednsday and then spent the entire Thursday and Friday at Sharky's... I'm that cool. Actually, I've just been sick and depressed and blah... I don't even have control over my own life anymore... Thursday I did shrooms with Letasha, Brady and Adri... My mom fucked everything up though and the night ended in the alley outside my house when Letasha was busted for sneaking out and my high died. 4 grams and $20 wasted... Oh well. Friday night I was ditched by everyone cause everyone SUCKS... I went to the show with Rylan and Travis... (oh yes, Rylan being the new guy from Prince Rupert or something... Letasha found him and he is now a member of .... something) walking in the doors I felt like the Cavilotti had been transformed into Dover or something.... horrible scene... we left after 1 song. Smoked some pot on the walk home, cause the walk is uber long... I pretty much fell asleep as soon as I got home... and Rylan went to Shaina's and Travis spent the night. Saturday I felt like dying... I was so fucking sick... Travis left around 11 and Brady came over around 1 when my headache started (I still have it). He wanted to go out but I needed to sleep cause I thought I was dying... When I woke up at 6 we got into a huge argument that ended with him storming out of my house.... Pierce showed up about half an hour later and dragged me to Laurina's party. I got there and talked to Brady... and yeah... I guess I'm single now... I honeslty can't say what happened because I don't fully remember and my head is and was fucking killing me. I haven't seen him since then though, he left and didn't come back...... The party was okay I guess, I would have enjoyed myself more if it didn't start the way it did... I took off a few times, went downtown... and ended up leaving at like 10:30 with Pierce because I honeslty thought if I stayed any longer I wouldn't be moving. I hadn't eaten, and yeah... sick... Pierce and I basically smoked a bowl and went to bed... it was a shitty night. And today... Amanda and Denis are comming over in a bit to watch home movies.... yippee... AND GUESS WHAT!! IN APRIL I'M GOING TO SEATTLE TO SEE AFI!!! I'M THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE!! ..... YAAAAAAAAAY!!


Thought of toasters... 02/23/2003, 11:58am.


February 16, 2003

I hate Valentine's day... remind me never to come to school again on this horrid day... I wanted to die... so much pink... so much giggling... TOO MANY FUCKING FLOWERS!!

So, valentines day... friday... I spent the day in hiding, well, not fully... but yes. After school Travis and Letasha were at my place... and then left when Brady came by. My mommy found out I was on Celexa (school counselor called home) and so I got to have a nice big talk with her... and in the middle of it Corey shows up, TANKED OUT OF HIS MIND and wants to see Brady. So then Brady takes off with him, because yeah, I'm no fun cause I'm a depressed loser. I was all sad and mopey after that so Brad W, Letasha and Travis decided to come over and make me HAPPY. We smoked up and then took forever in the movie store running around trying to find something worth while... We ended up with South Park (the movie) and Ghostbusters II (the only one they had in). So, smoked more pot, tons of cigarettes, watched the movies and passed out.

Today me and Travis went to the Peace Rally at the water front. It was actually pretty lame, which should be expected for Nanaimo... but I was hoping for better. We wandered around town, in and out of stores and such for a few hours, bumped into a lot of people we knew, which is actually quite odd for a saturday afternoon. Anyhoo, came home, cleaned my room, ate dinner, Travis bought me smokes and Brad W and little Brad came over. I drove them to the show and then we were stranded in a little place called Parksville (seriously, with a name like that you know it's lame). The show was pretty shitty, not a good turn out, and the bands really sucked even though they were mostly ska which should be godly. Processed Fish was the only one I liked... probably because the trumbone player told us we could make fun of the drummer all we wanted... And oh boy did we ever... His name is Dustin and his dreads smell like almonds... he is my new friend now... *smile* Other events to note: Brody punched Heddle in the face, some drunk 14 year olds tried to start shit with us, I stole the carpet from the Chevron and dragged it back to the show, little brad fell down the huge hill onto me, some kid in a yellow shirt kept hinting about sex, and Dustin jumped on a garbage can went flying and got old pop all over me and brody :) And now I am home. Brad's brother picked us up cause that town is evil... EVIL!!

Tomorrow: I might hang out with Robert if Shaina doesn't call him... but if she does... well then... maybe I will go on a Brady hunt to see if I can find my silly boyfriend who got kicked out of his house for stealing his dad's truck and crashing it into a telephone poll, ruining the truck forever. Goodnight my faithful servants.


Thought of toasters... 02/16/2003, 12:31am.


February 13, 2003

Hmmmm... weird weird weird. Life is so fucked. Yesterday I had this weird shaking fit type thing from those stupid pills... t'was scary... it was a good thing I was at Travis's cause yeah... it sucked.

Anyhoo... Tuesday morning I stayed home with Brady. There just didn't seem to be a point to going to morning classes... It was such a nice sunny day so we took our time and wandered to school just before lunch, it was really nice, reminded me of the summer and made me happy. After school was weird though, we went downtown and were going to run around and shit but ended up doing dick all. Went to the S&A and got lots of bread, yum, 4 day old free bread. After an interesting argument down at the bus stop we left for home.... We didn't make it too far though... stopped at Letasha's and then met Adri, went to Travis's, and played with side walk chalk the whole way. Bought smokes, went home... what a story.

Yesterday I skipped last block with Shaina and Letasha and went to Woodgrove. It was really really weird for me cause we smoked up first (well, me and Letasha, Shaina's trying to quit) and then ... well you know how I get. I get all quiet and don't talk and I think that made things really akward... bleh, I suck. I had fun though... we went into the As Seen On TV store and ... yeah... twirly rainbow sting and massage chairs are cool. I passed out really early last night... like 10... these stupid pills make me tired... grrr... all I want to do is sleep all day... Mmmmm... sleep... yay... lunch time... cigarette time....


Thought of toasters... 02/13/2003, 11:17am.


February 10, 2003

School... grrrr... I hate this fucking place. I want to go home sooo bad, but I can't. I can't tell my mom that I'm sad and that's why I have to go. That I'm scared of everyone around and feel as though everyone hates me and is out to get me... I can't tell her I'm on Celexa, that I'm on these pills that are supposed to make me better but instead make me crazy. I can't stop writing, I have been all day. I feel as though when I stop my brain quits working and there's no connection between my concious self and my brain. Anyone have any ideas on how I should go about telling my mother I'm crazy?

Don't have a C block class... the papers haven't gone through yet so I'm just a misplaced student as of now. I get to sit in the library and work with all the other cool kids. I spent the weekend at home alone in my room. Only leaving to go to the washroom, I don't even think I ate... except when people came over, then I'd eat... Slept over at Letasha's on Saturday... t'was fun, smoked pot in front of the church up in a tree... lots of cops... mmmm yummy chinese sausages and of course, cold cigarette breaks with 4 dead lighters. Brady keeps getting mad at me and I'm not sure I understand why. I think he wants me off these pills, but I can't until I see the doctor again. I need to make an appointment for Tueday, possibly Wednsday... but I can't remember the guy's name. Shit. Hopefully it'll be on record. He seemed moderatly sympathetic, better than Dr. Mathews. That man was such a crack head. Hahaha oh well, at least he was happy.

Going to Mandar's new place after school. At least I think I am... I should probably go home since I feel like complete ass, but it's been so long since I've hung out with her I don't just want to I feel like I need to. We were supposed to hang out on Saturday, but she was in Victoria with Denis... yay Denis. I want to find a boy who will give me all his cool clothing. She's a very lucky chickita... shhhhhh... I'm not lame. Anyhoo, time to go write some uber long e-mails to people who want nothing to do with me. *SMILE SMILE*


Thought of toasters... 02/10/2003, 12:49pm.


February 7th, 2003

RAWR!! I keep updating this stupid shit and it's not working... fucking hell I hate my computer... grrr agravating day... I wish everyone would die... die die die.... So... ummm I burned my eye on Monday... I think that was my stupidness thing of the week... visine + contact lenses = severe pain. I was actually curled up in a ball with tears streaming down my face from pain and Mrs. Baily, being the bitch she is, kept trying to make me go back to class... blah... stupid. So I stayed home on Tuesday... Brady came over, so did Corey and Lysse... On Wednsday Brody moved... she's now on 420 Pine st. hehehehe And we all know that Jesse lives off of Pine st. which means she now lives closer... yay. Yesterday I went to Letasha's and then made Travis go buy me smokes... Today I'm at home because I'm so depressed I feel sick... and I don't want to see anyone... and yes... I'm just sitting around watching old movies from my childhood like Drop Dead Fred, Super Mario Brothers and The Secret of NIMH... ohhhh I need to pull out The Last Unicorn... that should be downstairs somewhere... hmmmmm... Anyhoo, ...yes... I actually have nothing left to say because I haven't been updating so there's a lack of knowledge and ahhhhhhhhh.... Oh the Coast Bastion (biggest hotel downtown... fancy... expensive) gave me and Brody permission to go to the roof of the hotel and video tape downtown Nanaimo for a school project... But we still haven't gone back to see Gary, this man who was going to give us a tour..... So yes, someday soon we shall be up there... BWA HAH HAH!
So Anyways... I'm done now...

AHHH!! No, wait... I'm going to tell you all about Friday night... hehehe... So, 1:30, Brody, Ryan, and Denis show up at my house. Brady and I were just about to leave for the park so we dragged them outside with us. Someone wanted to go to the animal farm so instead we scampered through Bowen Park for an hour or two. After we were done spreading our terror we decided to finally head to the park. On the way there passing the skatebowl some kids below yelled up to us. After some convincing I managed to drag the crew down with me to see what all the yelling of gay sex was about. Upon arriving at the skatebowl all we met were about 30 mainlanders... dirty bastards ;) They were all being jerk monkeys so I just bumed a smoke and was about to sit myself down when Pierce, drunk out of his skull, ran and tackled me. We shared a loving moment of yelling and screaming and hugging until he broke my cigarette and I nearly cried... But we made up and Denis gave me a smoke... Anyhoo, Pierce was drunk and wanted to stay at my house with his friend who was puking... I finally gave in, but yeah... you'll find out later why that doesn't matter. Anyhoo, CJ was also there and was trying to pass Pierce off to me because he was leaving and he didn't trust the Vancouver kids to watch him. Brody and I were getting restless and went to bug a group of kids... this one kid, very drunk, decided he was going to be a asshole and try and make Pierce start shit with us (as you can see, he wasn't too bright being from the mainland and all... Piercey = our friend, he had just met him) so while they were arguing I grabbed his hat, and then grabbed Denis and took off towards the bushes. I figured Denis was big and mean looking in the dark and they wouldn't hurt me with a body gaurd... hahaha I = smart... Anyways I threw his hat in some prickles and he flipped. He was yelling and swearing and trying to attack me... *snort* it was hilarious! But of course I didn't have my video camera... one of the mainlanders had one and was filming us though... Anyhoo, so this kid takes a swing at me and Pierce grabs his arm and we make fun of him somemore and then take off. So yes... then... Ohhh I love how I can make simple story's go on FOREVER....... So, Pierce and Justin found us by the porn store and needed to go to my house so we turned around and headed home... Justin was so fucking smashed and kept yelling FUCK and screaming... He kept reasuring me he'd shut up when we got close to my house but never did... So when him and Pierce took off across the street we ran through the bush into someone's yard to hide... and then did some yard hopping until we got to Timmy's..... and then they got picked up by some chick and ended up being stuck in Victoria on Saturday... *sigh* The End.


Thought of toasters... 02/07/2003, 10:34am.

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