10 to 3am.... Wide awake, no drugs, no pills, just me... It's been awhile since a good round of these... The times I choose to be awake instead of sitting on my bed fighting for a chance to close my eyes. God I'm loving every minute of this. Fucking hell, it was snowing and it JUST started raining... I'm so pissed off GRRRRRR. Well, I'm actually truely mad for another reason, the same reason I am depressed. God I hate boys... I really do... They make awesome friends but as soon as it gets to FEELINGS they SUCK... I just want to... grrrr... why am I so strung up about pathetic little girl shit? Bah, such a weird fucking night... Mandar did my hair so it's pretty and spikey, and she put her hawk up and it's so fucking long now. Anyhoo, we decided to mish downtown.... We headed to Jesse's to pick up my movies (Nowhere, Run Lola Run, & SLC Punk) and I didn't even want to go inside (BECAUSE OF THINGS OKAY?? ...i hate boys) so I stayed out and smoked while Brody ran in. Then we got smokeys and headed to Laurina's..... stayed there till we got all jumpy and then ran in the FREEZING rain and wind to the mall, ate at Wendy's and then searched for Ken. We found him trying to look important down in the closed section and made him come be our friend... We went out for coffee then hung out in the mall (while it was closed, twas weird) for awhile to wait for our ride.... Well, his ride. Then we went home and I got all depressed... and then it snowed... and yay... New layout (shhh it's old, don't tell) ... love me for it.


Thought of toasters... 12/30/2002, 2:50am.


December 29, 2002

At Brody's... she loves me... yippee! So, I survived Vancouver...barely. My family there seriously makes the thought of suicide sound like a dream come true. Bah, drunken old Portugese people... Anyhoo, upon leaving the horrid city I was stuck in raffic at the terrminal from 9:30 till 3:00.... Talk about the time of my life... I hadn't had anything to eat or smoke all day so I felt as though I was going to kill someone by the time I finally got on the ferry. But you know what makes everything better? I GOT MY VIDEO CAMERA!!!

Last night was pretty rad though. Brody, Robert, Max & Brad came over and we all frolicked around from Timmy's to my place recording everything. We went sledding on a cardboard box down the huge hill by the skate bowl, smoked up in the park, and made asses of ourselves in Timmy Ho's. All in all it was a pretty danndy night, and I'm in love with my camera... HUMP ME.


Thought of toasters... 12/29/2002, 3:23pm.


December 24, 2002

It's the most wonderful time of the year.... Blah, what a bunch of HORSE SHIT. I haven't been this depressed for awhile... I was finally getting happy, HAPPY. God I hate the fucking holidays. Everyone is off doing shit with family and I'm stuck here with my family running around trying to make everything perfect. Forgetting the fact that the point is to be together... I haven't seen us all home at once, let alone the same room. Tonight we're supposed to have our merry christmas dinner, which confuses me seeing as my sister left for her dad's house 20 minutes ago, and my aunt is outside smoking up. Oh well, at least I'll have something to laugh about when my mom gets drunk off half a glass of wine and my aunt is talking to her cat instead of the company. Oh yes, the company. They're actually not bad, and it's not as big a group as usual... which is also kind of depressing.... people keep dying... or moving away... God this town is shit.

I leave for Vancouver tomorrow. The 12:30 ferry... whoopee! It's snowing on the mainland though so I'm a smidge excited about going. That little bit of excitement, however, is washed away by the mere thought of seeing my relatives. I'm definatly the black sheep of the family, everyone else is rich (They even live in North Van... ack) and perfectly normal. It's not THAT bad, mainly just my one aunt and my cousins. I feel like dirt compared to my 17 year old cousin, she's the exact opposite of me and everyone loves her....... BAH. My sister better come with us or I will die.... especially from lack of nicotine. So, no blogging till the 27, possiby 28th, but don't hold your breath, I'll be back tonight for an update on how spoiled I am ;)


Thought of toasters... 12/24/2002, 4:26pm.


December 21, 2002

Stupid Chris put my picture up on Hot Or Not.... you should all go make fun of me..... I have the password and shit but he won't let me take it off.... There will be a serious punishment involving that stupid picture from grade 8 that Petro took... I hate you Petro... =) I found Jon and Justin on there so go rape them, they are pretty.... Stupid boy, I can't get him out of my head... AHHHHH! *explodes*

Maaaall today, they are so fucking scary this time of year, as soon as I walked in the doors I wanted to DIE. I finally picked up my santa photos, perhaps I'll post them up later. I hung out with Ryan for the first time in ages last night. We just hung around and watched movies and cartoons until I fell asleep and he flet bad and left.... Such a polite boy... shame shame ;) Just playing Ryan, you know I love you. Bah... I'm so lonely... why do I suck so much? At least school is finally out and I can sleeze around and not feel too guilty about it. Ahhhh... Daniel, you should call me... cause it's a weekend, therefore free, therefor there is no reason not to ... except that I suck... WEEEEEEE! Uck, enough of this bullshit, I'm going to go watch ET.


Thought of toasters... 12/21/2002, 7:43pm.


December 18, 2002

I woke up this morning in the worst fucking mood ever... I had barely enough time to throw on some random clothes from my floor, brush my teeth and boot it out the door. Of course, we were like 7 minutes late and my mom bitched and bitched at me about time and respect... and yeah, I felt like shit all morning. I spent first block on the floor sleeping until the sub let me go get a coffee... I skipped second block because I had a test and Mr. Nelson scares me. After school me and Brody booked it downtown and flustered around until we found Lauraina in Wendy's. We sleezed around until 6 when I went home for din-din and they went to Woodgrove. I joined them later on when my mommy dragged me out for some good 'ole X-MAS shopping. When I found them they were playing with a 14 year old named Andrew... we made him follow us around until he ditched us in HMV for Skully and MacBeal... He was actually a pretty cool guy and now I have his e-mail and am going to rape him! Yum. Then we made fun of Scott, and his cool football playing friends, until we found Andrew again and stalked another boy named James who was reeeally cute, but little. Hahaha I love little boys with braces... Not as much as Brody though, hahahahaha *sigh* YOU'D GET IT IF YOU WERE THERE OKAY?! All in all I got some good shopping done, I only have my sister left to buy for, which is good, very good. Lauriana and Brody are at Jesse's now, and I'm sad cause I wish I could have gone with them... Oh well. I have drugs.... and money for Rob to get more... YAAAAAAAY!! Oh, speaking of Drugs... Dan showed up at my house last night fucked out of his mind. He couldn't even walk up the damn stairs to my room... loser. Anyhoo, we hot knifed some of Beau's (how the hell do you spell that kid's name?) oil in my basement and I was so toasted it's not even funny... But I felt so weird with Dan here cause I barely know him... I mean he's nice and shit, but you know me when I'm on drugs... people scare me... ANYHOO... time to shut my trap.


Thought of toasters... 12/17/2002, 4:22pm.


December 17, 2002

Been awhile eh? Don't worry you're not missing out on any special ramblings... Mmmmmm... weekend... on Saturday night Daniel called me and that made me the happiest girl alive, just cause he's so special (aren't you Daniel?). On Sunday I woke up to Travis calling which set me for a bad mood cause I was feeling ober depressed before he called... but as soon as I hung up the phone Justin was at my door to play. I spent the day with him (mind you my day started at about 1:45) and then went out for dinner with Penny at the Keg and saw The Emporers Club (YES I CAN SPELL) which sucked some serious anus... Monday monday monday... ummmm... Went to school, (goody) in photo we had this sub, Mr Baily, who I REALLY wanted to boot in the teeth. He was a huge penis and ragged on me constantly, which would have normally been alright, but I wasn't even doing ANYTHING wrong at all that block... Fucking asshole cunt.... RAWR. Oh and to top that class off, Travis and me got into a huge fight that involved him grabbing me and yelling at me... YAY PAIN! I said something... god, what was it...? Bleh, it doesn't even matter, but he came back at me with "Oh, no wonder you're single and alone". First of all, there's no need to cut ANYONE that deep, unless they really are a fucking asshole, and second, I've been single for aproximatly a week.... OHHHHHH long time there buddy. Moving on........ After school Brody and I went downtown to do a little christmas shopping, bought shit for a few people, but yet again I'm short on cash so I owe her about $10 (I'm putting that there to REMIND myself, bah). Afterwards we went on a hunt for Lauraina. She wasn't at her place so we wandered to Jesse's where everyone was nice and high on meth. Fun times. Stayed there till about 8 then I took off for home when Justin went on a beer run. As I was walking by the cop-shop two assholes pulled up in a truck and started hassling me... They were trying to give me a ride "home" and then when I wouldn't get in the fucking car they drove slowly beside me until around Trevor's house (that's about 5 blocks for you outta towners) where my route changed to the tracks. Thank god they gave up when there was no road left... Bleh, Nanaimo sucks. As soon as I walked in the phone rang. It was Travis calling to appoligize for what happened in class, but he isn't very good at appologizing because within 2 minutes of the conversation he was already back to bitching at me about everything. ASSHOOOOOOOOLE. 10 minutes later Pierce was at my door asking me if he could hide out here for the night cause he's in drug debt and can't go home. So I obviously let him stay and in the morning I brought him to school with me.... Alrighty, todaaaaaaaaay! Bah, having math first block is such a shitty way to start my day... but Steph had some new AFI that isn't supposed to be out till March and I almosted creamed my pants it was SO FUCKING AMAZING!! God I love AFI... *sigh* Second block, photo, shittiness... I had Pierce's cell still so I gave Daniel a call and talked to him until Mr. Blain (vice p) made me turn the phone off.... Now, here I am sitting on my fat ass, waiting for Justin to show up, which I have a feeling he's not going to do.... God I love be pathetic and sitting around for boys. Should have just gone with Dan and them and smoked up...... Pfffffffft. Oh well, I stole some Marry J from my aunt so it's all good... except for the fact that I'm outta fucking smokes... aaaaargh.


Thought of toasters... 12/17/2002, 4:22pm.


December 14, 2002

Okay, I'm going to tell you a wonderful story about last night, but I highly doubt any of you will ever believe me. It's one of those things that rarely ever happens, but when it does everyone pretends it was them it happened to. Now your going to read on aren't you?

Alrighty here we gooooooo... Last night Brody, Rob and I were hanging out watching Run Lola Run cause we're cool, and Hilary phones. Turns out she got out of the hospital for the weekend and was in town YAAAAY! So her, Trevor and Hilary (the other one, we can call her batman) came over and we all went to Timmys and got free food and blah..... Anyhoo, we all came back here and decided to go into the hot tub. Me and Rob were losers and decided to stay out. They were all getting very randy and batman got the idea to take her top off and soon all three girls were topless.... Trevor was getting excited and took his shorts off and eventually there was a naked hottub party. See, I told you you wouldn't believe me..... Anyways some other shit went on, (no, no orgys) and you don't need to hear about it because you boys out there are probably all wishing you'd spend more time with me already........... So everyone slep over, we watched the Rocky Horror and slept in until forever.

FRIDAY: After school Andrew picked me and Brody up and we headed our way to Victoria. We stopped at my old courner store out in South Wellington and me and Andrew smoked up. We didn't get to Victoria until 5 and had to wait around the bus stop until almost 6 to buy our stupid bus tickets. We wandered around town, mostly staying around Douglas street... We met some weird punk kids who thought we were weird for approaching them and then we ran off to VV's boutique. Blaaaaaaaaaaaah.... skipping shit and moving to... Mc.Donalds. We ran in there on our way to the bus stop and then ran down with our food to our bus. The guy (driver) told us we had 30 seconds to eat so we scarffed down all our food (except for one burger which I stuffed in my bag) and jumped on the bus. On the ride home there were these 2 really cute guys sitting in front of us and we were being so dumb and loud and poking them. We were sitting near the back so I kept slamming my micky of vodka down (I got it out of my locker finally) until I was all giggly..... Using the bathroom while the bus was moving was possibly the hardest thing I've ever down. When we got to Nanaimo we went and talked to one of the guys (the other one got off in Duncan)... His name is Catlin or something and he looked almost identical to Andrew........

OTHER SHIT: My sister is home!! Yay!! But she brought weird friends with her who give me funny looks... so I'm not sure what to think... Yes. I miss Justin, and I don't know what to do... I think I mainly miss the comfort of having someone by me and love me and that I can spend all my time with (besides Brody... I need a boy).... I know I can't be with him again, I just want to see him. He moved out of Lauriana's and is at his own place now, but I'm not sure if I should go see him.... bah... done.


Thought of toasters... 12/14/2002, 8:15pm.


December 12, 2002

Yay school. I'm just letting you all know about an AMAZING show comming up on January 18th, 2003. The set up is... (From Vancouver) End This Week with Knives, Sunset On Broadway, (From Seattle) Blue Sky Mile, (From Courtneney) Drakes Advantage, (And from Nanaimo) Nectare and Impetuous Youth. It's on Comox rd (yes, right down the street from me) behind the Tim Hortons. Now, since you've heard about it from me a month in advance there is no reason to not go, it's only $5 for 6 bands...... So come one come all to the 6 band heavy music extravaganza! (put on by my own Trevor Dickinson).

Wow, I'm lame...... :) CLICK HERE FOR POSTER


Thought of toasters... 12/12/2002, 9:02am.


December 11, 2002

Ohhhh excited! I'm going to Victoria tomorrow! Me and Brody are being cool and skipping the day (because of course Pierce only hung out with us for 1 block today) and going. Andrew is going to drive us on his way home from Parksville. I'll still be there for first block and shit and will probably come home around 9.... EXCITED! YAY!

Anyhoo, today..... This morning Brad and I were outside at the smoke pit for a cigarette (duuuur) and there was this weird man with a cell phone by our tree.... So we were hiding from him and spying and it was the best time of my life... He hit the garbage can with his sholder when we were hiding behind it and it made this HUGE clang and he looked at us and we hit the dirt. Hahaha and it was raining and muddy today... oh god... funny. Okay.... so interms today... school sucked. Skipped last block to be with Piercey and Brody at the pool... Blah, not very exciting. Oh oh but after school we went downtown... I bought this really cool LONG ASS barbel and shoved it in my ear, exciting. And then... YES, THEN... we went to Ken's house... you know the really cool security guard from the mall? HAHAHA yeah, him... Him and his girlfriend are awesome, we went to their place for a bit and then came back here... and now... YAY VICTORIA!!!


Thought of toasters... 12/11/2002, 8:31pm.


December 10, 2002

AHHHHH Nelson is a big giant POO! That man seriously spent half of the class making fun of me... but I spent the whole class making fun of him... so we're almost even. I'm outta smokes... I think I just may die. I'm going to have to smoke up tonight to compensate... unless of course me aunt will leave her cigarettes unguarded for like 10 seconds. I think she believes that some little gnome is stealing her cigarettes and pot because she's started taking her smokes with her everywhere (yes, even when she goes to the bathroom) and has also begun hiding her pot, bitch. But it couldn't be me, no way. I'm too innocent. Although she did ask me if I was hung over today... Why does this horrible midget live with me again? Oh right, cause she had a mental breakdown and so she gets to be un-employed and smoke pot all day around MY house... Grrrrr... Sorry, I'll stop, it has been over a year. I'm just... grrrr... she's crazy. Rawr, school was so shitty today... Except for the fact that Rob was so pretty, the moment I saw him I was all tingley inside... Pretty pretty boy. Anyhoo, I actually got work done today, but tomorrow all this shit in photo is due and I haven't done any of the write ups... I have a test in math and I don't know what the fuck this chapter is even on..... AND I missed my science test today so I get to do it tomorrow.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! But then then then then tomorrow, I'm supposed to skip the day with Brody, Pierce and Kyle... but chances are that's not gunna happen which makes me sad =( Cause I miss Piercey and Kyle... Hahaha oh, me and Brody decided we're going to join the newspaper club and the rugby team. We're SO fucking cool. BAH! And I actually had something important to say but bleh, the maddness of the day has made me forget... Bitch bitch bitch...


Thought of toasters... 12/10/2002, 8:42pm.


December 9th, 2002

BAH! Pierce and Petro just left... and now I'm fucked as hell and lonely... hahaha. Pierce has a cell now... it's so weird and confusing... but he's still an alright guy in my books... Care to know why...? HE FINALLY BROUGHT MY PIPE BACK!! And, to top things off, there's a screen in it! YAAAAAY!

Blah... so ... tonight I went to Brody's to make her come with me to Jesse's.... I shaved her head (while the sides... mohawk dumb dumbs) and strutted around in some huge platforms. Anways... we left around 9:00 I guess and when we got there Justin wouldn't even talk to me, so my whole reason to be there was washed away... I still had fun though, met some pretty cool people, got my boobs touched, saw some nipple. Not a bad night. But being 16 really isn't all it's cracked up to be, I think it's going to suck ass...


Thought of toasters... 12/09/2002, 4:06pm.


December 9th, 2002

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeee....! Ahhh what a shitty ass day... Some lady in the hospital yelled at me today and I almost cried... BASTARDS!!!

Okee, so last night Matt-jew and Brody came over... we had LOTS of birthday sex..... but first some lame family dinner and cake and presents... yay! I got Donnie Darko... ohhh the best movie EVER, this gold cross from my grandma (thanks granny, sorry I'm not religious AT ALL), $20 for A&B and $100 check... weeeee I'm loaded. Anyhoo, back to the sex part... they both slept over and we took a million pics on my webcam....

This morning we all sat around my room, smoked, ate icecream cake, and masterbated to my poster of AFI... Mmmmmm... At 3 (we didn't get up till 1... shhh) I left for my Hep. A booster shot... Shitty ass shot... rawr. Afterwards I went to the hospital (right across the street) to see where Hilary was transfered to in Victoria cause I REALLY want to go see her... (I MISS YOU HILARY!!) aaaand so I go up to the 4th floor because that's where she was before. So I walk up to the desk and I say "excuse me" and there were 5 people there, they all turned around and looked at me, and then went back to whatever it was they were doing... So I say it again and no one moves.... So... (so so so so so ACK) I look around for anyone else and I see this old woman in a wheel chair. She starts comming towards me saying "mister mister" (wow, kind of like in Happy Gilmore) and I didn't really know what to do so I glanced back at the counter... She kept comming closer and just as I looked over at her again the woman from behind the counter leaned over and said "Why aren't you acknowledging her? What's your problem? I don't understand how you people can be so inconsiderate." and blah blah YELLING and ahhhh... I was so scared. I just slowly looked up and said in this tiny voice "I'm just trying to find my friend... Hilary...?" and she just yelled at me and told me to leave.... Scary. So I ran away... as she taunts me from her booth thing... BITCH. And yeah. I talked to Travis for like an hour and a half on the phone today... And now Fumiko, Dave, and Korey are here so I'm going to run away...

LOOK!!


Thought of toasters... 12/09/2002, 4:06pm.


December 8th, 2002

Oh my... I have a website... I almost forgot. I'm not sure if I even rememeber how I did this before... catching on will be slow...

So I guess I start off by saying "HI EVERYONE I'M ALIVE LOVE ME!!" and then I wait for people to find there way here... TO GEOCITIES AHHHHH.... I guess if I'm going to be serious about this shit again I should find me a new host... I love you Kande wherever you are!

So you guys missed out on hearing about my fucking AWESOME summer. I think I really sorta (yeah, right) figured myself out durring these 3 months, while in Brazil and while chillen with Black Frank downtown. I met Brody this summer and she has become my new life partner/bestfriend/lover/SKANK.... I luff her so much and now that she's at my school we kick some serious Nelson ass. (Nelson being Hammy's replacement... ACK)... So a full update on things... Me and Travis broke up, he turned into a HUGE asshole and was off with someone else right away... So we're not really 'talking'... Brody is my new ho, Rob is now best guy friend (yay for promotions!) except when he ditches me for other girls... grrrr... Brad is still kicking in our group... But Pierce is back at Cedar =(. Jon, Dave, Ron, Matt, & that weird drugged out guy have joined our group of boys... And Amber is also at ND now so we bitch at Nelson whenever we can too........... I just realised most of you have probably forgotten MY name and have no idea who the hell these people are... but don't worry about it, you'll catch up.

I'm going to start fixing up the sub-pages FINALLY so that they are actually entertaining... and I may steal Brody's idea for a Cast member page... but first I need to update links and cliques and AHHHHHHH .... why oh why did I ever leave my computer???

YAY it's my birthday tomorrow! So everyone suck up and e-mail my ass some love ... *NEW ADDY* [email protected]

On a later note... all my linked friends seem to have died... so come back to me with your new links dumb-bums... and LOOK! It's me!


Thought of toasters... 12/08/2002, 11:58am.

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