(ApriL!)
(and MaY, JunE and JulY)

July 21, 2004


So almost a whole month has past with nothing to say. Nothing on here at least. I barely feel motivated enough to update my livejournal let alone my actual site... meh, those who care about reading pointless Jesse thoughts that much know where to find them.

Dark Children Day has passed and was quite the sucess, I'm very proud of what I managed to pull off and really happy with the amount of support from bands and kids... I wouldn't have been able to pull it off without the excellent help of Brady, I owe him my life... or at least a trip to the cambie for coffee or something.

The past while has been pretty predictable. I'm angry with everyone, including myself. Fighting demons in my head while Matt plays Zelda in the other room... Really only leaving the house to entertain Temperkill. I feel sick, sick from the heat, sick of people and their bullshit... sick of life in general. I really am a happy person, and I'm really not depressed... I just feel like I've seen and done it all, and am getting restless. Is that possible at 17? I don't want to go back to school (12 years of my life is enough [well, really just 11]), I don't want to be in some dead end job, but then again I don't want to climb some corporate ladder... I want to be a hermit and do nothing for all eternaty. I want to run away and live in an ewok village with the monkees and tarsiers...

I hate her, fuck I hate her so much sometimes. She's just like everyone else who thinks they are different, the same as the majority, only look a special way. Why is it cool to be punk rock? I want to strip myself of any identity. I want to remain as nothing, no trend, no scene, just that weird girl with no hair.

I need a new book to read before I melt into this seat and lose the other half of my brain to the computer...


Dreamed of toasters....07/21/04, 11:37pm


June 28, 2004


hahahahaha boys night, AHAHAHAHAHA!! My god... boys are funny...

So they (the girls) decided we should have a girls night, seeing as there aren't that many of us and the guys are usually the majority (which I like, dammit). The guys of course found out and got rather jealous, understandable I suppose, they decided to get their own boys night together of drinking beer and playing videogames. Only they forgot to plan it. That day we got down to the sea wall and there was this gay couple, okay, a boy and a girl, Robyn and Kelly ..... gay, yet drunk and randomly sucking on each other's faces. They invited all of us to this Pride party $5 at the door and beer inside... The guys quickly realised we were going to this girls thing at Cat's and decided that they would all go to this party. Hahahaha special. They had it all planned out, they'd get drunk and watch hot lesbians make out, they even paired up so they could be saved from all the men hitting on them.

Girls night was awesome, I spent most of the night just talking with Cat by the window... Everyone else was being all girly and scared of moths so we hid and smoked. It was wonderful, I love that girl, she is so special and I can't believe I've only known her for like 3 months. It feels like we've been friends for years.

Around 3am we caught up with what happened with boys night.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! If only I could say what happened without feeling like an ass... Just know shit happened with some of the guys... and this Transvestite... and OH MY GOD *falls over laughing* straight boys should not drink at gay events... while wearing makeup... ahahahhaahahaha

I'm hungry... mmmm chinese dumplings...


Dreamed of toasters....06/28/04, 2:07pm


June 25, 2004


Well kids, it's been fun.

I arrived home around 11 on the 20th. Talked to Shaun for at least 3 hours. The next morning I got up early and talked to Matt on the computer, he still thought I was in the T-dot (hahaha). So I tell him I have to do something for 10 minutes and that I'll be right back ("DON'T MOVE") and I hop on a bus to his house. Heh heh.
We spent the morning at longlake on some random man's dock. It was so nice, hot as hell just lying with our feet in the water watching kids learn water fire rescue. He went to school around 12 to take a few tests and I went to Shaun's. Walking in that apartment was the best thing ever, looking around and seeing Andy, Ryan, Chris, Shaun and Pierce all so hot and dead. I missed those boys, we had the best morning just sitting around talking about everything... Chris wore the frog suit (and by frog suit I mean the giant stuffed frog... took all the stuffing out and became the frog)

Andy got kicked out of his house and is now living there with them, him and Ryan are their homeless boys. I've already noticed such a change in both of them after living there. That place fucks with your head, it makes you weird... weird in a very good way.

That night we bought 3 flats of beer? A lot of beer. A shit load of beer. A FRIDGE FULL OF BEER. Shaun bought a keyboard off of Andy that has this 70's cop show theme like song on it that became the enterance music for anyone who came by, IT WAS PERFECT. Cat came by later (HOME FROM ALBERTA!) and the two of us hung out on the back porch almost all night. It was way too hot to be inside. People came out to visit us anyways... stationed, no wandering, best way to enjoy a hot summer night. So drunk. No sleep. Tried to pass out in Chris's room with Matt around 4, but instead went searching the house for pot or SOMETHING to help me sleep. Found a Cat awake and we sat talking (she gave me oxy cotton... hahaha shhh we can call it that) until Andy and Ryan finally came back from their adventure.

The four of us, (plus a Brad Park who had finally had enough of Pierce kicking him (they shared the couch) and woke up) sat around the living room, more beer, and talked for a few hours. Had some really good conversations, like I said, I really missed those boys. Slowly the rest of the house woke up one by one.

That morning us boys... (Matt, Ryan, Andy and Pierce) went shopping for a tent. That means: still no sleep, backpack full of beer, smokes and pot... interesting. So there we go, still pretty drunk, 10am, woodgrove. It was quite the adventure. Andy and I were so fucked, barely able to walk straight yet still have enough energy to piss nearly everyone off. I wish I could just show you what we looked like, (we stole a camera, so possibly??) it was the last thing people expected to see at that time in that area of town.

We finally made it downtown. Pitched the tent at the sea wall and stayed in there all day. Drank the last of the beer, got some caffine pills and tylenol (everlasting headache for Jesse), played cards, shot at people with the slingshot.... went home.

Kids came over
passed out in the tent
woke up and went postering.

Ty went to apply at RMH so he can actually afford to live here, and the rest of us wandered country club. Went downtown afterwards, did the rounds there then headed to the sea wall. Sat with the kids until wandering off with Miko for food. We got yelled at by some assholes in the drivethrough but then ended up kicking ass when a girl outhorked them. hahahaha they tried to spit on us but failed misserably. Wandered back downtown and more beer happened.

Got pretty drunk and ended up with 8 kids at my house.
Creepy Mike was pissing me off so much and actually scaring a lot of people.
We helped Lotte escape.

Sat in my yard with Fumiko and Jon for awhile, got sad and had to leave. I was going to pass out but saw Ashee out the window and climbed on the roof and sat with her for an hour or so and smoked Ty's cigarettes and talked.
Passed out in the tent 3 hours later?

Woke up too early. Felt sick. No more beer.

Watched movies all morning until everyone was gone. Took Temperkill out to Bowen with Matt and then zoned out for a bit in front of the tv. Ty came back and after a bit of talk of the day's events he dragged us downtown. When we got there it was only Mike and Swah, Pierce and Val, Rumbly and Creepy Mike... oh and some guy sleeping under the place we usually drink o_O.

Again creepy Mike was being extra creepy and I couldn't even sit near him without wanting to punch him in the face. He was going off about how some random guys that walked by were terrorists (racsist fuck) and kept trying to take pictures of me. Ty came to my rescue a few times. Ashee showed up and after finding a way to cedar for Pierce and Jon we took off. Creepy mike was yelling about how we were all leaving to go to Andy's... crazy motherfucker that talks to trees...

My attic is so gross... I need to kick kids out and clean... or perhaps just go visit Shaun...

*eyes the almost empty 40 and overflowing ashtray*

bleh


Dreamed of toasters....06/25/04, 2:17pm


May 20, 2004

*sighs* Travis is in jail... I just called his house, he got caught shoplifting again and the cops finally caught up with his record. He's skipped, hmmmm... how many court dates? I don't know, but shit, he's going to be there for awhile.
This sucks.


I broke into Shaun's with Ashlee and Matt today. When he came home he drank some beer with us and fed us pizza, no wait, we stole that... He gathered a house full of kids pretty quick. Corey and Caitlen came to hang out for most of the evening, it was pretty fun. I enjoy harassing the little girls that fall for Mr. Pedro. Rumbly, Cat, Laurina and Pierce came by a bit later...

I think I'm too dependant too soon, I'm worried about that. It's putting a lot of unecessary stress on myself, and I really don't want to like him that much... BAH.




Someone send me I'm Amazed, by the Pixies and I'll love you forever.


Dreamed of toasters....05/20/04, 12:15am


May 14, 2004

I don't even know where to start.

My mom is angrier than the cops were. She's completely insane, she has no reason to be THIS angry. She won't even try to see things from my side. I didn't even do anything wrong.

Today was the first (and hopefully the last) time I've ever had a gun pulled on me.

I had a toy gun, a TOY. I wasn't even pointing it at anyone. I was twirling it around my finger, WHO THE HELL DOES THAT WITH A REAL GUN?! And the cops descided I was a threat... He said if I had pointed it at him he would have opened fire and aimed to kill.

Aimed to kill.

Over what was QUITE OBVIOUSLY a toy. I'm so angry. I'm also really upset... he said he would have killed me because every night he will go home to his wife and kids, no matter what. Even if that means killing an innocent youth. I don't think this man has a soul.

So I have a case file, and a meeting is soon to be scedualed. Fuck.




And yes, I do see his side of things, but at the same time no one else thought it was real, not one person.

In other news... I went to Piper's yesterday with Matt and had the best time... Even when we almost fell entirely into the water (we were walking through crotch deep water) because a giant crab was attacking us. I think I broke my camera though... it got kind of wet =( so I can't even load pictures.


You can laugh at my behavior
That'll never bother me
Say the devil is my savior
But I don't pay no heed
And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few


Dreamed of toasters....05/14/04, 7:48pm


May 12th, 2004

Long time no post, livejournal is eating my soul and the darkchildren are far more entertaining then my computer. Even though I tire of all days spent at the same location with the same people.


I stole a child yesterday. He called us hobo's... and then Alex, Matt and I had a huge pinecone battle... Laurina made me put the kid down though, it sucked, Alex promised me we could eat him.

Today I made some art on a park bench. A decapitated bird with a crab claw coming out of it's stomach wound, some huge oyster shells me and Ashee had been playing with, some flowers and lots of sea goo... One semi-old couple actually liked it. I met a boy from Germany today... Sometimes I wish everyone would go away... or rather, that I could.


When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!

At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.


Dreamed of toasters....05/12/04, 11:57pm


April 14, 2004

I'm about ready to stab my mother with a fork, perhaps then she'll listen to me? Doubtful. That woman is off in her own little world and the house is beginning to feel as though it's mine and mine alone with that aunt of mine off in Vancouver. Some strange man keeps calling the house for me, but he sounds as though he's like 50 and when I say I'm Jesse he hangs up. Perhaps it's some scared 14 year old playing the crush game and discuising his voice? hahaha no, I think it's really just some creepy with the wrong number perhaps? *glares* Okay, so the phone just rang... GO AWAY OLD MAN!! Or at least talk to me, I'm lonely too... (oh god, someone take me away from the computer)

The past two days me and Krista (yesterday we brought many brave companions) have been "breaking into" (*ahem* walking into and around) the Malaspina Hotel (you know, big abbandoned building by the waterfront). It's pretty cool in there, really fucking creepy. It's pitch black in most parts and echoes like some sort of sick horror movie. In fact we (Joey, Kevin and I) were talking about making a zombie movie in there, around the sea wall, the car grave yard, and ending up in this huge building. I think it'd be fucking awesome if we could do the script right and not fuck with the alarm. So Yesterday I was talking to Corey on the bus and we decided to make it our mission to get to the top. When we got to the sea wall, I found a Krista and recruited a few other kids to join us for a second attempt. This time it wasn't so scary, there was a group of us this time. Not just 2 lone timid girls. But then something scary happened... We were trying to find a route to the top since the stairs have been blocked with a big angry door... Krista and I led them downstairs because we seemed to recall a (car) ramp that went up to the area we were trying to be in. So it's pitch black, we're all slowly walking up this ramp and suddenly this sound exploded. At first I thought that the monsters had gotten us for sure. I thought Krista and I had gone too far by going back. But it was just an motion detecting alarm, we concluded after running like a bunch of scared little girls outta that place. We were are screaming and swearing, and falling in Andys case. (hahaha)

It was the most evil noise I've ever heard... And I've never seen so many kids blindly follow one person before (we went the wrong way and were trapped, but I think we still got out in just over a minute). Fun times. Corey and I have already started planning a way to the top.
It can and will be done.

Today so far as been the most annoying day ever. Thanks for yelling at me for missing my first day of school, I appreciate your concern...


Dreamed of toasters....04/14/04, 1:13pm


April 9th, 2004

I don't even know what to say.... Josh just woke me up, he's not doing so well but at least he can walk on his own now, I kind of feeling like playing music really loud to torture him, but I know he didn't mean to be such an ass last night. Well, I don't know... Sometimes I wonder if boys don't really act different when they're drunk they're just saying everything and doing everything they think and feel all the time out in the open. And not all guys, just annoying older guys that seem to for some reason all want to get into my fucking pants. (Yes, the fucking pants.)

Yesterday people started showing up at the sea wall around 4, 4:30 and beer started quickly arriving from all directions. Uncle John (crazy old cambie guy) bought me (and a few others) some beer, many of the kids bought their own.... It was really fun, just slowly drinking some beer in the sun, enjoying some of the best company I've had in awhile. Jesse Bell was playing his penny whistle, it really set the mood... we were just waiting for some deer to wander out of the forest and gather around him. I didn't leave my hill until dusk when I went to the waters edge to share my last smoke with Jesse. Josh and him together are an interesting combination, they like to start fights in the parking lot. We went to go buy some Tequila for Drew and Fumiko and ended up starting shit with some guy (Josh called him a wood-pusher, he was on a skateboard, so to me that didn't even seem like an insult but merely an oberservation. Either way, the skaterkid didn't like it.)... In the Tally Ho with the help of Ryan I managed to steal an inflatible (mikes hard) lemon, we realised that next time we should go for stealing booze because the lady seemed oblivious to our presence. When we got back to the hill all hell had broken loose. The guy from the parking lot had punched Andy in the face, and was still yelling at all the kids... I still really don't know what happened. I hate it when people threaten to get a car load of guys down to wherever they are in 5 minutes... they just need their phone call. Uh huh.

Josh is talking now...

Anyhoo, the tequila really fucked everyone up... I was feeling a bit depressed, thinking about Amanda, so I didn't drink (it's hard not to when everything about the day/night reminded me of her). Josh ended up passing out on the grass puking, Jesse Bell was either trying to get this girl to lick piss or kiss him... Rob Lee was wandering, Laurina was protecting me, and Kyden was stealing the limes. God damn you and your lime stealing Kyden!! I seem to recall him and John fighting... that was weird, they were both bleeding... I seem to recall sitting very close to the water for a long time on some prickles...


Me and Krista having some fun in the sun....

I forgot my camera at home however *STOMPS* so no good pics of the night... but I do have a few from the day before I'd like to post... just because it was a fabulous day where I spent two hours in a tree.

Josh says he hurts.

Stupid fucking guy, he was walking pretty good at first but by Tim Hortens a cab almost drove into us (he swerved us towards the car... "ooh light") and it all went downhill from there. It took all my strength to hold him half way up and to then almost drag him up the hill... His feet were trying to walk but they much prefered to just slide along. Okay, so you'd think being this drunk and semi-conseince he wouldn't have enough brain to do anything but consentrate on getting home right? Well, no. He started blabbering on about how he was planning on fucking me that night but can't seem to co-ordinate himself well enough. And then he starts grabbing at my ass and chest while I'm still trying to carry him. So I stopped and yelled and considered leaving him in front of Music Max for the squeegee crack guy to eat. Stupid drunken boys wanting to sleep with Jesse, I dislike it when 3 different people seem convinced they're coming home with you and you did ABSOLUTLY NOTHING to lead them on. Unless you think making someone give you a piggy back ride is overly flirting... god damn fucking grrrr.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE SEX!!
or you.
so fuck off.
and die.
and leave my sex alone... it's mine.

Pictures from Wednsday afternoon?


Dreamed of toasters....04/09/04, 1:08pm


April 4th, 2004

Yesterday was strange and confusing, for some reason I can't remember large chunks of the evening but I don't think my memory is missing too much. Marley, Shilo and Booth came downtown around 5 or 6, it was awesome, I hadn't seen those 3 in quite some time. They got me in a nice hyper giddy mood for the art show, and tolerating the drunks ("ohhooh I almost burned my eye...") outside the Cambie. We found a secret door outside of Glow that leads up the bell tower, I stole a Beer from the secret room and then threw it at someone when I realised it was 0.5%. Damn near beer. About an hour later a few kids went up and got locked in (I went in maybe 7 times and never got locked in) and had to call the cops to call Glow to let them out... hahaha suckas. Marley, Shilo and Booth decided to leave since no Jesse Bell was to be found and we decided to head to C. Dubya's with the rest of the children in celebration of another's birthday. I rode in the trunk because I didn't have any $$ for the bus... it wasn't bad at all, Pierce is a pussy. Went home around 4am... ick.

This morning Ashlee and Matt came by and we had a lazy day that consisted of nothing. We watched half of a 3 part series (?) on WWII and then made waffle cakes. We managed to convince Matt to make them for us (he was bragging about how he liked cooking last night) but we went downstairs to help anyways and realised he sucks at everything and needed more help then we thought. Ash tried to start a waffle cake war with her minion army, SHE IS THE HITLER OF WAFFLE CAKES. She was attempting an attack on me (being France) but Matt was in the middle so we decided he must be Belgium. See we learned something.

I start my first day of school at noon tomorrow... it feels like kindergarden.

Pictures?

Friday


Dreamed of toasters....04/04/04, 11:08am

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