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| Gerbil placed in microwave fails to explode. By Noah |
| Last week, a gerbil placed in a microwave failed to explode. This gerbil, one Mr. Chuckles, was placed into said microwave by his owner, Timmy Wood. "I read in this book that animals in microwaves explode," explains Timmy, "I just wanted to see if it was true." While Timmy's parents, Barbara and Jim Wood, will attest to Timmy's scientific interest, and rabid curiosity, they also feel that this may have been a result of recent marital tensions. "You see, I just started fucking this new chick," says Jim. "She's really hot, and I've been trying to get Barb to join us for a three-some. I think the stress has started to get to Timmy; he's usually so good at accomplishing what he attempts. I mean, just last week I saw him successfully mate a parrot and a squid. I just don't know where we went wrong with him." Timmy would like everyone to know that, despite setbacks, the gerbil should explode on schedule. "The microwave didn't work, so I think I'm gonna try Pop Rocks and Coke," the eager young lad said. Well Timmy, here's wishing you the best of luck. (No animals were harmed in the writing of this piece of trash. I did however, consume three gummy bears and a pretzel I found under the couch.) |
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