More to come soon.
To BoddAH
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infanitle complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings for the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I ahven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guitly beyond words about these thing. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, whick is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I wak out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be lsightlyl numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've know personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I ahve a goddess of a wife who swears ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds em too much of what I sued to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets becasue everone is good and will do here no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people to much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters, and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't ahve the passin andymore, and so remember, it's better to burnout than to fade away.
peace.love.Empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
"If it's illegal to rock and roll throw my ass in jail"-Kurt Cobain
1967-1994