I may be Wiccan, but then religion really is nothing. Nothing. Religion is a bunch of ideas mapped out by somebody else. How can a person really subscribe to a religion? Its just a bunch of societal rules and regulations. And even if it weren't, you'd see through it anyway. Really. When it all falls away--the labels like Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, or Wiccan, and the beliefs that you were supposed to have--you're not left with any religion at all. You're just left with yourself, the ideas you've had, the ideas you've collected, and what you do with them.

I may be Wiccan because I believe in it, but I am also not Wiccan at all because beliefs are nothing. A belief is just a thought so strong it seems to be exist. There are theories out there that say if you believe something then you know it. There is a difference between knowing and believing though. There has to be, otherwise we wouldn't have two separate words for it. Knowing is something so thorough that its never questioned or even thought about. I don't spend my early sleepless mornings wondering about whether or not my eyes will see when I open them. Its something I know. A belief is something that on some level you're not sure about. No matter how much I pretend or really do believe something I still doubt in some small corner of my mind. Thats what keeps it from being something that I know. Ask any devout Christian, at some point they've doubted the existence of god, and they will always have a tiny seed of doubt. If they didn't they wouldn't believe that god exists, they'd know it. They wouldn't need a religion for it. Is there a religion of opening-your-eyes-and-seeing? Is there a religion of someday-we-will-all-die? We know this things, so we see it as pointless to sit around discussing them. What I'm getting at is that a belief isn't something thats totally melted into who you are and become part of you, and when it all falls away only those things remain. The things that are you. So what really does exist when it all falls away? When your only desire left is to be free?

You do. And thats all. I just can't stop picturing myself waking up underwater, or climbing an impossibly high mountain and only seeing the peak. That is when it all falls away. That is when you are really you, and not just some endless pile of beliefs and desires. It all falls away when you are have nothing left but knowing, knowing that you exist and that you are free and that there is nothing else.

I did just proclaim myself as a Wiccan didn't I? But recently a startling amount of realizations have hit me, and I just can't go back to that. Now I know something for sure.

A human being is a religion. I am the religion of Julie. Of me. It exists because I do. A person cannot subscribe to a religion. Its impossible. When that religion falls away, along with everything else, you have only one person. One person, any person, is a whole religion in and of themselves. You cannot be my religion, and I cannot be yours.

And there is just no going back.

My religion is me. I can't have it any other way, and thats beautiful. Who am I? Just a person. Just a spirit existing. When I crawl onto the beach its there in me, on me. It is me. This religion of mine isn't something I can read about in a book or remember. Its everything I am, ever was, or ever hope to be. Its there in you too. Let it drop, let it all fall away and just be yourself. Be real and free and you will find your religion lying there inside of you. It is with you in every step you take.

My life has changed again, and its so amazing. Just sense it, I know you can. I don't have to wear a symbol to show my religion. I don't have to pray. All I have to do is know.

Look into my eyes. Look . You can see it there, I know you can. My religion, and its so beautiful!

It is me.