That night I even had trouble listening to it at first. I started to feel sad and pulled under by a world of wants that could never set me free, but just as I was about to hit the stop button a new feeling came over me. And I had a vision. I envisioned myself lost at the bottom of an ocean. I was just floating there, tossing in the currents, with my eyes closed and my entire body limp and exhausted. Suddenly I wake up, and swimming with all my might I strive for the surface. I know the way out, I�m almost there, and with a gasping explosion I break through the surface and breathe in real air. During this vision I had the feeling of dying/waking up. By the time the song ended I was so overfilled with joy I could hardly breathe. That night I fell into sleep easily.

I was awoken early in the morning by lights flashing in my room. The garbage men had came early in the morning, and on their trucks were spinning orange lights that shone into my room and flashed like beacons in the dark, beckoning some inner part of me to come out and play. I smiled and yawned in the glow. That was not normal. A month ago if that had happened I would have been so pissed, but that morning it felt more like a game.

I slept for an hour more before waking up for real with my alarm, and this time I realized that something was definitely different with me. I was just�happy. There was no dread, no thinking about how much school was going to suck. In fact, I didn�t even think at all. I just let the present moment be. At breakfast I couldn�t understand why my host parents looked so worried and unhappy. They just looked like tired, lost souls. And another odd thing was how good my breakfast tasted. It was fruit, like every other day, but it was like I could taste its life force. When I walked out to the car that morning I felt like I was setting off on an adventure. Who knew what the day would bring.

And then it truly hit me in the car. The song from the previous night was stuck in my head and I just became free. I died. I saw all of the other people in the car as souls in bodies, just here to learn. I felt the passage of time. I realized how beautiful and exquisite that moment was, and at the same time the changing of the world. I realized the fact that my life here is just a mere blink of an eye. It all hit me so fast, and suddenly I had tears in my eyes. I was just hit with such beauty, even as we drove past factories and traffic jams. All of it was just so perfect.

That feeling stayed with me all day. It hit me powerfully one more time. I was standing in the middle of the hall during break. Picture me in this huge hall, absolutely full of students, with an ear-racking din going on around me. I was standing there with an ear-to-ear smile on my face because I was still feeling the beauty of the world, when a new sensation hit me. Suddenly I made a new realization. Every single body in that room had a soul, just like I did. I was surrounded by highly spiritual beings, all with souls blessed enough to have a learning experience on this earth. It was just mind blowing. Suddenly I stopped looking at the shoes people were wearing, or their body size, and started looking at them like they were spirits. I saw everyone as intensely beautiful and unique. And I just couldn�t stop smiling. Really, I�m sure I looked like a total idiot walking around with a massive grin on my face all day, but I didn�t even care. I was free.

That�s the story of the day I died. I can�t really describe it accurately, though I tried. The experience is just beyond words, it really is. Perhaps that is why you have to die to feel it, its just beyond the minds comprehension as we know it. When you die you wake up into a new consciousness that�s more beautiful than the imagination could paint it.

The feeling has went away as the real world of deadlines and responsibilities came knocking at my door again. I still get glimpses of it. I know I am closer to real enlightenment than I ever have been in my life, and I am determined to get there. The funny thing is though that I have to stop wanting it to have it.

This is the true secret. You are already enlightened. You just need to shut up and see it. All the labels you put on yourself are just names. You think you could be enlightened but first you have to stop being fat, clingy, or young? Well you aren�t those things. That�s just your mind, not the real you. You are a spirit that�s been put into a human body to learn, and you will get it eventually. Who is aware of the thoughts you are thinking? All you know is that you exist. Everything else is a mystery.

So stop right now. Don�t think. Breathe. Do it again. Let yourself fall away. Let your conscience die. Let your inner voices die. Let your self hate, your wants, your never-ending desires all die. Its so easy. Just breathe and listen to your heart beating. Feel the pull to swim out of the ocean of suffering. Break the surface into total peace. You can do it. You are beautiful, as am I, and you are a spirit. I know you can here it, that song pulling you to the other side. Let the morning after death come.

It will be the most beautiful sunrise you ever see.