The Legends of Thera
This was a writing assignment for Mr. Anstess, my OAC core English teacher. I think I scared the poor guy with my pieces, and this was one of my favourites. His comment: "This is quite quirky, but a bit difficult to follow. It needs more focus. It has some really original spots, but you ca't get so creative that you leave your reader behind." Oh no? Well, I just wrote a new set of grammar rules, then. Dedicated to Fahad Kazi, my good genius friend. Fahad, what do a roof, an umbrella, and quantum mechanics have in common?
If I could visit any country in the world, I think it would be Thera. After all, it has a rich history with many deep folktales. Being drawn to such things, it would be an excellent place for me to be. I would listen to the many storytellers that inhabit the island, be drawn into a fantasy world where Poseidon rules the seas and Zeus watches over us from afar...
"Crusius, dear, please run to the shop and pick me up some pomegranates," said I.
"Yes, dear," said my husband, the big oaf that he was. "Right after the Hera parade."
I couldn't believe how lazy he was. After all, he was the Mediator of the Right Wing of the Atlantean Naval Brigade and Aeronautical Fleet, Section B, Class 1, or MRWANBAF-B1. He couldn't even go to the store, and it was right next door! It was pathetic, really.
"Why don't we just order our fruit?" Crusius asked. "Forty minutes or less, or it's free!"
"It's right next door!!!" I yelled.
"But it's delivery!"
"Crusius..."
"Oh, all right. But can I have a few clams? I'm a little short today."
I was furious. I threw our entire life savings, all three hundred twenty four thousand eight hundred and two clams of it. He picked up a few of them.
"Thanks, honey! I'll be back in a few minutes. But I might have to go to the Senatorial Complex of Atlantean Human Rights and Freedoms, or SCAHRF, first."
"Fine! Just get out of here!" Little did I know that I would not see him for a long time. Sure enough, he bought the pomegranates. Along with some oranges, roast manta ray, and apples. Why in the world they had roast manta ray in the fruit shop I do not know. In any case, I figured that with the small amount of money he took from me, he must have had more, which meant that he lied when he said he didn't have any clams on him. Angrily, I rushed outside, but he was already on his ostrich. Being high up on the social hierachy, his bird was conditioned to fly, so there was no way I could catch him before he got to the SCAHRF. I knew that he would go to the docks for some flying practice right afterwards (which, by the way, he did not mention doing when he left) so I went straight there.
Twenty minutes later, he found me there, waiting for him with one of the angriest looks he had ever seen. He tried to run, but it was no use. I had blocked all exits. Being the wife of the MFWANBAF-B1 carries some perks with it. I had the ostrich shot with a tranquilizer so that Crusius could not run away.
"Crusius, my darling, what are you doing here?" I said, with a very devious accent on my voice.
"I was coming home," he replied.
"Coming home, were you? What, is there a secret path that winds all the way around the city, eight times, before coming back to our house, that is faster than going next door?"
"Of course not! I was going to... get you some flowers, that's it... yes, I was here to buy some flowers from Floranus, the flower salesman! See, he's right here!"
"Oh, isn't that so sweet! Of course, if you had come straight home, you would have caught him on his regular route that goes RIGHT PAST OUR HOUSE!"
"I forgot about that! You know the pressures of being the MFWANBAF-B1!"
"And how about the pressure of making sure our little hovel is perfectly spotless for you whenever you come homee? I've had enough! I'm placing you under arrest for the time being. You will stay in the Underground Centre for the Imprisonment of Ungrateful Husbands of Hard Working Wives That Deserve Respect!"
"What?"
"You're going to the UCIUHHWWTDR!!!"
"No!!!"
And with that, Crusius was placed in the prison. I thought that I had won, but it was not to be. I was victoriously walking the streets with a big grin on my face, but I wwas only a few steps from the Grand Circle of Atlantis, or GCA, when beautiful lines of red, blue, purple and green streaked across the sky. Everyone marveled at the sight but completely ignored the ground cracking beneath us. When we finally noticed our peril, it was too late. Fires had engulfed everything, even my precious roast manta ray. We all tried to get to safety inside our homes when we realised that they were the worst part of the inferno! We rushed the other way, to the docks, but we were so caught up in our business that we could not make it.
As the rocks fallilng blocked the last sight of the docks, I was haunted by a horrible sight: Crusius getting away. Apparently the bars on the prison broke, and he was the only one able to escape. Of this I have only one thing to say:
GOOD RIDDANCE! YOU CAN'T LAST A DAY ON YOUR OWN!
...and with that, I would wake up, and find myself on Thera once again, waiting for the sun to rise to hear yet another story of the lost continent of Atlantis.
Author's note:
Whether or not Atlantis even existed, let alone existed on the island Thera, is debatable. It is quite impossible to tell, but such stories are still very entertaining.
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